exodus youth

By Brenna Kate Simonds

The recent suicides that are related to bullying have brought back some not-so-pleasant memories for me. I’m sure I’m not alone.  Coming out of the closet (or rather, being pushed out kicking and screaming) as a high school student in 1990-ish in small-town New Hampshire was not fun. I always joke that Ellen didn’t come out for another 7 years I was made fun of, harassed, threatened, and insulted.  I remember sitting in class and having a peer tell me that all gay people should be put on an island and blown up, as my teacher sat there and said nothing.  I spent many classes just putting my head down on my desk and crying. I remember once being harassed so severely that I got up and walked out of the class because the anxiety of sitting there, in that class, overwhelmed me.  I went to the principal’s office, as I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go.  He didn’t ask me if I needed anything, didn’t ask me why I left my class, didn’t send me to the guidance counselor even though I was visibly upset; he just told me I could sit in the waiting area until my next class.

The harassment wasn’t limited to school hours.  I would walk down the street and people would threaten me from their cars, yelling insults and screaming “Dyke”.  I also wasn’t just bullied because I was same-sex attracted; I was bullied because I was smart, because I dressed differently, because I was a “band fag” – the list went on and on. (keep reading…)

A 22-year-old guy recently sent an email to one of our staff asking this very question.  We thought it would be great to provide the answer in a post so that anyone dealing with this same or similar situation could read it.  I’ve asked permission from the student if I could use his question to preface the post.  He agreed, so here is the circumstance he’s facing:

I’ve recently transferred to a new college. One of my new friends here and I discussed becoming accountability partners about a week ago. It usually takes me a while to talk about this kind of stuff with people so I felt blessed it happened so quickly. But then we told each other exactly what was going on and it turns out that both of us struggle with SSA. After that, we both agreed that accountability obviously wouldn’t work between us and that sharing these kinds of deep struggles with each other won’t help matters, under the circumstances. We’ve both been committed to Christ and have never pursued any unhealthy relationships and don’t intend to, but I’m having trouble knowing exactly how I should handle our friendship from here on out. Since you work in ministry and work with others that likely deal with the same issues, what do you do to avoid conflict or temptation? The last thing I want to do is make a brother stumble. I have been praying for years for someone who could relate to what was going on in my own life. I know God had a hand in us meeting. But I’d like to respect my friend in his walk and at the same time honor God in our friendship. Thanks for any input. (keep reading…)

The news about the four young men who committed suicide recently has left many of us angry and saddened at the inexcusable loss of these individuals to bullying. I’m sure all of us know bullying is a constant occurrence in schools.  It’s something sadly unavoidable for many teens.  It breaks my heart to hear of lives cut short because of constant harassment from peers.  These tragic deaths should give us pause and make us think of what we can do to prevent this from happening again.

Whether a person is gay identified or is perceived as gay, no one deserves to be treated as objects of amusement or habitual verbal or physical harassment.  Every single person has value and worth in the eyes of our Creator.  Each breath is a gift from God and He treasures all those He brought into this world. With that knowledge and understanding, we must stand up for all individuals who are bullied and degraded. (keep reading…)

You Don’t Have to be Gay by Jeff Konrad is a very informal and insightful book for men who struggle with homosexuality.  The book is a compilation of letters written by Jeff to his friend, Mike, a man who was struggling with his identity and whether or not he was born gay.  Jeff Konrad offers encouragement and support to Mike that can be applied to any male who struggles with same-sex attraction.  He begins writing to a distraught Mike who is unhappy in his homosexual life.  Konrad takes the opportunity to share how he overcame homosexuality and what was underlying his own homosexual tendencies.

Konrad’s book is organized in such a way that an easy to follow progression is maintained.  He starts out by discussing the roots of homosexuality and provides great insight into why one may struggle with this issue.  This leads up to the steps to overcoming the homosexual struggle and how to be proactive in the healing process. The formatting of the book is very conversational making it reader friendly and easy to understand.  The strength is found in the clarity and broad spectrum of homosexuality that Jeff discusses. He pulls information from people such as Elizabeth Moberly, Leanne Payne – author of Crisis in Masculinity, and C.S. Lewis to provide evidence and support for his claims.

The topics discussed are very comprehensive and provide an informative look into the homosexual condition. Common questions that a struggling man may have are answered in these letters.  These answers are resourceful to males who struggle with homosexuality.  They are also beneficial for those who don’t struggle, by helping them understand and gain compassion for their friend or loved one who has same-sex attractions.  When I first read this book, I felt the author was addressing it to me.  The letters are filled with warmth, tenderness, and care which can be healing for a person who may have experienced scorn and disgust previously. (keep reading…)

Written by Randy Thomas

SALT LAKE CITY — As the number of suicides among lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender populations continues to increase across the nation, concern among the Utah LGBT community has begun to push the issue into the spotlight.

In July, Utah’s LGBT community lost at least three members to suicide, including a 28-year-old man whose death was mourned by more than 300 people during a candlelight vigil on the steps of the state Capitol.

Two other suicides of well-known members of the LGBT community, also gay men, have occurred in the past month. Though the problem is well known to LBGT advocates in Utah and nationwide, there are no statistics to back up its seriousness.

“This is a serious problem in general,” said Valerie Larabee, executive director of the Utah Pride Center, “and it’s a serious problem in Utah.”

Since 2006, Larabee has served on the Utah Suicide Prevention Council, which has identified the state’s LGBT community as a high-risk minority group for suicide.

Larabee said suicide is a common topic of discussion among support groups meeting at the Utah Pride Center.

“Over my 10 years here, every year we’ve had people (in the local LGBT community) who have killed themselves,” she said.

…

Personal

I was homeless for about three weeks when I was 19 and transient for the next 18 months.  It was the only time in my life I truly felt suicidal to the point of thinking it through.  No one knew, except God, how truly close to suicide I was. (keep reading…)

About seven years ago I attended my first Exodus conference.  As I was looking at the multitude of workshops offered during the week I came across one entitled “Something, something…MASTURBATION”.  I can’t remember the whole title, because I just saw that “m” word.  I knew I had to go to that one.  But of course when the time came to go I was filled with so much trepidation and shame.  Would I be the only one in the workshop?  I got up enough courage to go, and to my amazement, the room was so full, there was barely any standing room.  It was such a relief to know that I was no longer the only person, or one of the select few, who dealt with this issue.

Something that is so common, a problem for so many Christians, is one of the few things ever discussed in church.  So what is the answer to the question, ‘Is masturbation a sin?’  Is there really anything wrong with it?  I mean, what’s the harm?  What does the Bible say? (keep reading…)

Ricky Chelette, director of Living Hope Ministries, recently wrote an article about parenting a sensitive boy.  Randy Thomas, our EVP, shared it with me.  Here’s an excerpt:

“I think my son wants to be a girl,” the  father blurted out through tear-filled eyes as he entered my office.  He was an enthusiastic father, an articulate, well-educated man, with a passion for God and truth. His wife was with him, tears streaming from her face as she saw the pain in her husband’s heart.  She was a gentle mother with a deep passion for her family and an even deeper passion for the Lord.

“How old is your boy?” I asked.

“He is five and this has been going on for two years.”

…

How do you know that your son wants to be a girl?” I asked. The dad’s response was one that I had heard before and in many ways, was indicative of the confusion I feel exists with gender development in sensitive boys.  The dad began to tell me a myriad of examples where the son was drawn to things the father identified as female:  “He is fascinated with women’s shoes.  He puts his t-shirt over his head and pretends he has long hair.  He loves to touch his mother’s silk nightgowns.  He is fascinated with Ariel in the Little Mermaid and often wants to be her.”

With a quiver in his voice he stated, “And he put on his mothers skirt and was twirling around like a girl. I told him not to do that because that was like a girl!”

This is an issue I have had to think about recently.  A wonderful, concerned mother sent me an email a few weeks ago asking about her five year old son’s peculiar behavior.  He was indeed doing some of the things the boy mentioned in the article was doing.  They were concerned for him, wondering whether he would turn out gay or not.  The truth is, God created him with he temperament and there isn’t anything gay about his interests.  I really like what Ricky says about sensitive boys. (keep reading…)

Hello all!  As you can tell, the youth website has not been updated in a while.  I sincerely apologize for the lack of communication.  We are in the process of searching for someone to devote their whole time on the Exodus Youth department, as this is a much needed area of attention.  So please be praying for provision and for the right person to come along.  In the mean time, a few of us here at Exodus will be managing EY.net as we have been doing.  Our International Freedom Conference has come and passed, and what an amazing time it was to connect with other people in Irvine!  If you have any stories of your time at the conference please send them to me on here or at .  I’d love to hear about them.

On another note, we want to hear from you!  What kind of articles would you like to see posted here?  What conversations do you want to get started?  What answers are you looking for?  How can we better serve you here on the website?

Let the suggestions/comments begin!

I know what it’s like to believe that God loves everyone except you. I know what it’s like to feel alone. I know what it’s like to feel ashamed of a struggle with sin and be afraid that you’ll be found out and rejected by your friends. I’ve been thinking about all those feelings and the person I was many years ago as I, along with my co-workers, gear up for the annual Day of Truth.

For those who may not know about this event, the Alliance Defense Fund launched it several years ago as a way to present an alternative viewpoint about homosexuality from a Christian perspective.  Exodus International now hosts this event and we want to help Christian students build relationships with gay-identified friends that reflects both the truth and compassion of Jesus Christ. (keep reading…)

Alan Chambers wrote an article recently posted on the Exodus Blog site focusing on the true intentions of Day of Truth.

—

Numerous organizations are gearing up to do battle over the platform in which to influence your children. The Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network (GLSEN) is sponsoring the , which according to its website brings attention to anti-LGBT name-calling, bullying and harassment in schools. Each year the event has grown, now with hundreds of thousands of students coming together to encourage schools and classmates to address the problem of anti-LGBT behavior. If that was all they did I wouldn’t have a problem with promoting it. None whatsoever. Why? Kids do get harassed and bullied. Beaten. Abused. And, as a human being, more so as a Christian, I have a huge problem with ANY child being mistreated for ANY reason. Christians should be the first ones to oppose such abuse of children. (keep reading…)

Will you get involved?  Check out the new and improved website for Day of Truth and order materials for your event at Exodus Books.

Remember the event is April 15th!

When I walked into my first support group meeting, I was an angry, depressed 19 year old. I had struggled in secret with desires and temptations I never wanted and that kept me from living the life I always dreamed of. I had been Bible Club president all through High School and consequently lead a double life… shiny, happy Christian by day while struggling all night with pornography and chat rooms. As a Christian I had a love for God and I read the scriptures searching for answers.

As I walked into that support group for the first time I came with one solitary question. From reading the scriptures I understood homosexuality was wrong. 1st Corinthians 6:9-10 made clear that “homosexual offenders” were not going to inherit the kingdom of heaven. For me it didn’t feel like a choice, the way other sins like prostitution or witchcraft were… I thought as long as I was attracted to men I was not going to inherit the kingdom of heaven. I also read in the Gospels accounts of Jesus walking through town healing the lame, blind and deaf even raising people from the dead. My question to the leadership at the group was: “If being gay means I’m going to hell… and if Jesus can heal me… why am I still gay?” (keep reading…)

**Article provided by Philip Lee of His Way Out Ministries.

The above quote reflects a statement I have been offered by many youth over the past several months. While I understand the statement and even on some level appreciate the sincerity and honesty, the statement also grieves me as it reflects the desperate crisis that we face with regard to youth struggling with and combating same-gender attraction. To compound the crisis, all of the youth are Christians, each having been raised in Church and reared in a Christian home. Once again, we find “the elephant” in the room that very, very few want to talk about.

When our path crosses with a struggling youth, we need to be open to partnering with the Lord to help turn the tide in his or her life. During adolescence most people determine the morals and personal identity they will embrace for the remainder of their life. Likewise, much confusion and challenges will take place before any semblance of clarity comes. This is all the more true for youth deciding their sexual identity. Studies have shown that vast numbers of youth entering adolescence are uncertain about their sexual orientation, but few exiting the teenage years remain ambiguous. Therefore, the teenage years are a crucial period for the Church of Jesus Christ to speak to youth tempted by homosexuality and educate each young person regarding the Truth of Scripture regarding the practice of homosexuality. Without a doubt, offering a right and true perspective will not only make a difference to a gay youth, it will distinguish Christians quite a bit from others he or she will encounter. (keep reading…)

The importance of Vision to recovery
Have you ever wondered, “Okay God, I know what I’m recovering from, here; but what am I recovering to?” Ever felt like, in a sense recovery needs you more than you need recovery (in such a formal, programmatic way)? Well, if so, I say “HALLELUJAH!” The truth is you are pondering one of the most important yet overlooked aspects and periods of recovery: Vision!

I want to give you a way of thinking about Vision that will pull your recovery from sexual addictions into the future. My heart is to share a few ideas about areas where you can pay attention and with following-through, enrich the process of recovery with greater meaning, radical redemption, and down-right Kingdom authority. I also want to warn you about some common challenges to Vision to help you anticipate how the enemy will try and take you off your God-ordained course. (keep reading…)

An article was recently published in The New York Times reporting that middle school youth are more open to coming out earlier.  It’s a rather lengthy article focusing on several middle school teens who have come out in their schools and to their families.  It’s interesting to see how the climate has changed in middle schools even since I was there a little over ten years ago.  Being gay was still somewhat taboo.  It was only used as a humiliating term.  You were labeled, but never did you claim that identity.  I remember middle school being a very confusing time period for me and everyone else.  In my day (which wasn’t too long ago), little identity clusters started to form in middle school.  You had the “cool” kids, you had the “preppy” kids, and there were the nerds, and the unpopulars.  Everyone was looking for an identity – wanting to fit in…somewhere.  (keep reading…)

I never thought I would need to accept this reality.  Nor did I think I’d come to a place to admit to myself and others that this happened.  I never thought of embracing the fact that what happened to me at ten years old had a colossal impact on how I perceived the world around me, my relationships, and how I interacted with others.  I never thought I’d utter these most pungent words — “I’m a sexual abuse survivor”.

I never felt shame as an abuse victim, mainly because I didn’t think I was abused.  I just saw those few instances as mere opportunities for an older guy to provide me what I was already hungry for.  I was just as responsible for what happened as he was, I thought.  It was merely an experience in the past with no consequences to my soul or well-being.  Having gone through a recovery program I should have known better.

After almost six years of walking away from a homosexual identity, the reality of those experiences hit me.  I’ve been working with a counselor for the last six months, and in the early stages of our meetings, the topic of what happened with the older guy came up.  As I tried to minimize the actions that took place, my counselor reacted in a way that shocked me.  He acted as if the sexual encounters with this older guy were consequential and influential in how I interact and relate to the world around me.   (keep reading…)

There is no question that high schools and middle schools across this nation are ground zero for students who face peer pressure, bullying, low self-esteem, depression, and the like.  One of the most disturbing of these is bullying.  Daily, many students who are different face demoralizing statements about how they act, dress, talk, interact, and how they try to express themselves.  A major target for bullying in schools are students who identify themselves as gay, lesbian, or transgendered.  The bullying starts with name calling, crude jokes, rumors, cyber-bullying, etc, and occasionally ends with students getting beat up, receiving death threats, missing school, changing schools, and in some cases, even attempting suicide.

This article will look at how youth workers can, and must, help students who are facing such bullying in school – knowing that these same things could be happening within local youth ministries as well.  This article is not calling to accept behavior that clashes with Biblical beliefs, rather it’s calling for Christians (especially those who are youth workers) to take a stand against bullying, and start teaching the truth about sharing God’s unconditional love with those who think they are undeserving of such love. (keep reading…)

The APA (American Psychiatric Association) has recently changed their stance on homosexuality.  This article was posted on :

The attempt to prove that homosexuality is determined biologically has been dealt a knockout punch. An American Psychological Association publication includes an admission that there’s no homosexual “gene” — meaning it’s not likely that homosexuals are born that way.

For decades, the APA has not considered homosexuality a psychological disorder, while other professionals in the field consider it to be a “gender-identity” problem. But the new statement, which appears in a brochure called “Answers to Your Questions for a Better Understanding of Sexual Orientation & Homosexuality,” states the following:

“There is no consensus among scientists about the exact reasons that an individual develops a heterosexual, bisexual, gay or lesbian orientation. Although much research has examined the possible genetic, hormonal, developmental, social, and cultural influences on sexual orientation, no findings have emerged that permit scientists to conclude that sexual orientation is determined by any particular factor or factors. Many think that nature and nurture both play complex roles….”

That contrasts with the APA’s statement in 1998: “There is considerable recent evidence to suggest that biology, including genetic or inborn hormonal factors, play a significant role in a person’s sexuality.”

With this admission that their former stance was wrong, will the APA respond differently to the stories of many people who have found freedom from a homosexual identity?  Hopefully this will be an open door for dialogue and respectful conversation on this topic.  The APA’s stance, whether it be embracing the gay gene theory or offering the possibility of change from a homosexual identity, has no bearing on my own beliefs.  No institution can discredit the fact that God has done a significant change in me.  He is the bearer of change in my life.  But, this is a great step in perhaps reducing the discrediting and judgmental attitudes many in the psychiatric world have against organizations such as Exodus.

It’s good to see the APA admitting the truth of our experiences.

The headline in the July 16th, 1993 issue of the Wall Street Journal read “Research Points Towards Gay Gene.” It was a headline that ran in papers across the nation. This instance was speaking about a research study a scientist by the name of Dean Hamer had conducted where he suggested that based on his findings, Homosexuality may actually be an inborn trait rather than learned.

This was not the first study of its kind, neither would it be the last. For years, scientists have been trying to discover the etiology (or cause) of same gender attractions.  Far from purely scientific the research has political consequences as well. Studies have shown that the public’s beliefs about the origins of sexual orientation are directly correlated to their attitude regarding homosexuality and serve to further political causes.  As such a lot of the science has fallen into the hands of political Ideologies. But apart from the politics of science,  what does the research actually say? Is homosexuality learned or innate? Furthermore, is change possible? (keep reading…)

Though it would be great to have a peaceful and civil Day of Truth event, many times that just isn’t the case.  You may well know that schools are becoming more and more biased when it comes to homosexual issues.  Homosexual propaganda is seeping into classroom lectures, and teachers and administrators alike are enforcing one-sided rhetoric.  By standing up for what you believe in and sharing the truth you will most likely experience some form of opposition.

I’ve heard countless stories from students who have participated in previous Day of Truth events that paint a rather harsh picture.  Students have been criticized and humiliated in front of their classmates by teachers – teachers who have fallen prey to pro-gay rhetoric and have lost understanding of what tolerance truly means.  Depending on your school atmosphere, you may very well experience the same kind of condemnation, anger, and judgment.  How will you handle the guards that may be thrown up to counteract your message, or the offensive attacks that may pop up when you participate? 

Experiencing pressure and personal attack because you want to dialogue and share your own beliefs on homosexuality can be discouraging and even scary.  It can be difficult to stand up for a belief that is constantly pounded by waves of skepticism, anger, and ideology that what you believe is a load of crock. (Read more)