If God can change me, why hasn’t He?
Written by: Frank Carrasco | December 1st, 2009
When I walked into my first support group meeting, I was an angry, depressed 19 year old. I had struggled in secret with desires and temptations I never wanted and that kept me from living the life I always dreamed of. I had been Bible Club president all through High School and consequently lead a double life… shiny, happy Christian by day while struggling all night with pornography and chat rooms. As a Christian I had a love for God and I read the scriptures searching for answers.
As I walked into that support group for the first time I came with one solitary question. From reading the scriptures I understood homosexuality was wrong. 1st Corinthians 6:9-10 made clear that “homosexual offenders” were not going to inherit the kingdom of heaven. For me it didn’t feel like a choice, the way other sins like prostitution or witchcraft were… I thought as long as I was attracted to men I was not going to inherit the kingdom of heaven. I also read in the Gospels accounts of Jesus walking through town healing the lame, blind and deaf even raising people from the dead. My question to the leadership at the group was: “If being gay means I’m going to hell… and if Jesus can heal me… why am I still gay?”
Here is what I’ve learned along the way.
1. When the Bible speaks about homosexuality, its talking about a behavior not a person. When we read the Bible, we look at it through our own cultural filter. We see words such as “homosexual” and think “gay.” what is sad is that today “gay” defines a person not just a behavior. But that was not the case when it was written. The word “homosexual” didn’t even exist until the late 1800s when Karl Maria Kertbenny coined the term “homosexual” to describe someone attracted to the same sex. I struggled because I thought Homosexual was someone I was, not something I did… I felt condemned by my own existence. All other sins were a choice… Prostitution was a choice, idolotry was a choice, slander was a choice… but being gay wasn’t a choice. I had to learn that the Bible wasn’t condemning me because I was struggling, it was condemning an action that very much was a choice.
2.God cares more about your character than He does about your convenience: It is true that God can do anything; what I overlooked was His will. Yes, we see instances in the Bible where God heals people of infirmities, but it is far more common in scripture that His people go through tribulation and temptation. In Romans 8:28, after being told that there is no condemnation in Christ, Paul reassures us that “all things work for the Good of those who love God.” In 2nd Corinthians 3:18 we are told that ultimately we are being transformed into the likeness of God. Would this be accomplished if God simply took my struggle with homosexuality away? Probably not! As people who don’t struggle with homosexuality are also in need of being transformed into the image of God. Rather, God can take my struggle with homosexuality, and make it serve His purpose of drawing me closer to Him. Even Paul speaks of a “thorn in his flesh” which he pleaded for God to take away three times to which God replied “my grace is sufficient for you.” If God did not take the temptations (whatever they were) away from Paul, why should I expect Him to take away mine?
3. lastly, I had to be reminded of a truth that is found throughout the Bible. God does not promise His believers that life will be easy. In fact quite the opposite. In John 16:33 Christ tells his followers “In this world, you will have trouble.” I was living in the false assumption that following God was going to make all my struggles go away. But we should be encouraged because Christ goes on to say “But take heart, for I have overcome the world!” The idea of God as my cosmic concierge, solving my problems and granting me my every wish is very much a modern western idea. Its microwave Christianity. Its prosperity Gospel and it simply is not scriptural. What is scriptural is that He will never leave us nor forsake us. That in all our temptations he provides grace and strength to resist. That He loves us. As a good friend once told me “God never promised that it would be easy, He only promised that it would be worth it!”
All that to say, be encouraged. God does not condemn you. He does have a plan, and will use even this to draw you close to Him. If you face temptation, know that He loves you and promised He will never leave you nor forsake you, draw near to Him and He will draw near to you… It may not be easy, but He is totally worth it!
10 Responses to “If God can change me, why hasn’t He?”
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December 2nd, 2009 at 11:03 pm
I can really relate to what Frank is saying. I went to church my
entire life and felt like God just said “See Ya!” I felt abandoned.
I prayed from age 13 to the present for God to deliver me but I
felt like He never did. My problem was that I wasnt giving my
entire life over to Him. I only gave Him part of it. I expected to
snap my fingers and for Him to take my struggle away, but I have
learned over the past seven months that it doesnt work that way.
December 28th, 2009 at 10:19 pm
I had a similar experience as Paul had. i knew I had this, yet I
wasn’t sure how to deal with it. So I searched in the Bible. I
prayed to God from about the age of 14 but didn’t feel anything. I
never told anyone about it because I couldn’t stand the social
punishment, and I’m glad for it. Still, no one knows. But maybe I’m
just not giving my everything to God. I feel like more and more God
is taking me over like a Japanese island in WWII, but there may be
some aspects that I’m gripping tightly. Still waiting for God to
reveal what benefit this homosexual struggle will show me.
January 13th, 2010 at 8:34 pm
Hi. I completely agree with Paul: God does not work like a genie
There is nothing like seeing a young life changed
would. But one thing I’ve learned is that GOD’S TIMING IS PERFECT.
If we put in our part by being a living sacrifice and purifying our
thoughts, He will back us up and stay true to His promise, that He
came to set the captives free. I am one that is being set free.
Everyday I feel less and less SSA (even though I used to think the
day will never come when I would be able to say that and mean it).
And Chris, though you may not see the benefits yet, you can be sure
you will see them in Jesus name. I used to think that even if I
were to be set free from SSA, it would be a horrible memory that
would cling to me and only bring me bitterness and remorse in the
future. I don’t know if this is the case for you as well, but if it
is, I just want to say that you can be sure that God will use your
past to bring Him glory and souls to His Kingdom. He is doing so
with me, because as I share my testimony with people who struggle
with SSA, they become more open to the gospel and to Jesus. Watch
and see God turn what brought you sorrow into something you could
smile about.
by Jesus because of your testimony.
January 24th, 2010 at 1:52 am
SO I just found this site tonight, and I have to say that I am
but I just wanted
deeply inspired and encouraged by it. Myself, I live in rual area
where for ten years I was sure I was the only person who had to
deal with this sin – which is not ture, when Elijah cried out God
showed him a cave full of prophets, likewise, He is always faithful
to show us how ‘not’ alone we are. But as I read I’m meat with
increasing frustration from teens who need to know why they still
deal with homosexuality and it’s temptaion. I’m going to be very
honest when I say that I am still in the grips of this struggle.
I’ve only been a follower of Christ for seven months, and what I’ll
tell you of my walk so far is that it’s been one hard thing after
another. Christ promises victory, and we have to remember that ‘He
who is in us, is greater then He who is in the world’ but the thing
about that verse we have to remember, is that for it to have any
effect there are certian things that must be in place: a) “He” must
be in us. b) for this verse to be truthful at all (and as a young
beliver who struggles with this, this is the part that does suck)
we HAVE to be “in the world” This is something that I’m still
coming to grips with, but guys, the question isn’t why can’t I be
changed, dear family!, it’s how can I be strengthened to put up
with “the world”. This is the long, short, and ugly of the thing
guys, that we are set free from sin in Christ. If you were a
homosexual )(as I was) then now – no matter what – after you accept
Christ, you aren’t. That’s a truth guys. 1 corinthians 6:11 says -
speaking to FORMER homosexuals as well as others – “And such were
some of you (get it? “such were some” pass tense – your a new
person!). But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you
were justified in the name of the Lrod Jesus and by the Spirit of
our God.” Dear frank, I appreciate so greatly your article, but I
don’t have peace in conecting pauls ‘physical’ struggle with
something that is a spiritual problem. In Gal. there is more
evidence that Paul – in the end of 2 Cor. – was actually speaking
of a possible eye condition. I would love if you could give me some
feed back on this. But I guess what I’m trying to say is this. We
are called to be IN THE WORLD AND NOT OF IT (i hate writing in
capslock – i feel so cheese) that means that if you were a
homosexual – stop giving into the lie that you still are one. And
stop, for the sake of Love that can change your life, asking “why
can’t God change me?” He has changed you! Your struggle (the one
that as a sixteen year old boy I put up with everyday – believe me
I know your pain, I was lost in this sin for ten whole years!) is
nothing more then living ‘in the world’. God does not cause our
temptation dear family, He allows it. And God will not lift this
temptation, in stead, He will strengthen us to DEAL with it. Just
because your tempted – listen to me – it means nothing! It only
means that you know live in the world, and if you take a hold of
the power of Christ and His Love, His Word, and His Spirit, you
will not be of it! wow, this is long – sorry
to share this verse before I left off to go to sleep. “I write to
you, young men, because you have over come the wicked one.” 1 John
2:13 As a Christian, you are not called to remain as a babe and be
a victor – guys, we need to grow up and by His power, “over come
the wicked one”……and this means that no matter how much we cry,
and how hurt and alone we feel by these attackts (direct spiritual
attackts mindyou) Jesus will not remove the wicked one for
us….no….instead, He’ll empower us to “overcome the wicked one.”
“For if our heart condemns us, God is greater then our heart, and
knows all things.” 1 John 3:20 He know’s you struggle He knows “all
things” so just remember, never ask “God why won’t you take this
away?” but cry out “Jesus Christ my friend and Savior! Give me the
strength to be a ‘young man’ and ‘over come the wicked one’!” He
will answer you. He does not break His promises. God bless, -Ez
January 26th, 2010 at 3:49 pm
Thanks for the thoughts homeschoolmag!
February 15th, 2010 at 8:24 pm
EZ, I loved what you had to say quoting 1John that we are in the
world, but not of it and that we have overcome. This is so true,
and our sturggle to submit to God and resist the devil makes us
stronger each day. I want to point out that Jesus Christ giving you
the strength is GRACE. No matter what the temptation, his grace is
sufficient. This site has been so encouraging as I am a christian
mom who is trying to coop and is crying out for God’s wisdom in how
to deal with my daughter. She has been through a lot, as we just
found out that she was sexually abused too. God Bless you and give
you all the strength to resist the devil. Remember Eph. 6:
10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on
the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the
devil’s schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood,
but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers
of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the
heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that
when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground,
and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then,
with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the
breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted
with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In
addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you
can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the
helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word
of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of
prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep
on praying for all the saints. God is Faithful in His Love.
February 15th, 2010 at 8:28 pm
“God is Faithful in His Love” should be a new paragraph. Glad to
see that wording is being monitored. Blessings!
February 22nd, 2010 at 3:19 pm
Young people. All of us believers will struggle. The only way to
get through is to hang on to Jesus Christ, who is our Lord and
Savior. Daily, repent and ask the Lord to give you today his
portion. To meet you right where you are at – no matter the
struggle, the temptation or the issue in your life. No matter if we
have same sex attraction, issues with porn, sexual addiction, lust
…these are all tactics of the enemy who comes to steal, kill and
destroy. Ask the Lord for his grace daily, put your flesh on the
cross (crucify it!) by fasting and praying about what you want the
Lord to help you with. You will see the difference in your life.
God can change murders, drug dealers and addicts – why do you think
he cannot change you for having SSA? Don’t be conformed to the
things of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your
mind. This means don’t follow society’s label of your attraction
and pressured to be “gay” but recognize that the Lord made you in
his imagine but the enemy “twists” or “perverts this what God
makes. Don’t fall into the lie, remember that you may have been
molested or perhaps fell into a psychological trap (read Franks
testimony). Renew your mind by reading the word of God which will
be your sword to fight against the enemy. Learn scripture to help
you fight these temptations like any one else struggling. Remember
“greater is He (who is Jesus Christ) than he who is in the world
(satan)”, also, “you (I) have the mind of Christ” , and “you (I)
can do All things through Christ who strengthens me”. “All things
are possible through Christ!” Give your entire LIFE (mind, body and
soul) to the Lord. Fight the good fight of Faith. BELIEVE YOUNG
PEOPLE. JOIN A CHURCH AND BECOME PART OF THE BODY OF CHRIST, STAY
IN GOD’S VINE AND YOU WILL PRODUCE GOOD FRUIT! THE BIBLE WILL KEEP
YOU AWAY FROM SIN MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS – BUT SIN WILL ALSO KEEP
YOU AWAY FROM THE BIBLE! LET JESUS CHRIST’S MERCY AND GRACE CARRY
YOU THROUGH THIS LIFE! GOD BLESS.
February 26th, 2010 at 2:20 pm
I’m overwhelmed reading what some of the young people have expressed. Both the struggles and the victory. I am a mom of a 15 year old son. We discovered his relationship with a boy at school a year ago and have been on a roller coaster ride since. We went the counseling route and after six months he was indifferent as to any progress and said “he had it handled.” Perhaps out of a desperation for it to “be over” we took that as “success.”
I’ve just read some messages today that reveal it is clearly not over. I don’t know what to do from here. My husband and I have shown our unconditional love and support for him. We have not condemned him or belittled him. Since last year my husband has poured himself into our son with time spent together (church retreats, football games, working on the car etc). Do we look for more counseling? What do I do from here? I would love to hear from some of the teens as to what would have helped or would help from their parents. I know God has the ultimate victory and wants more for my son than I ever could. But as a brokenhearted mother, is there something that I should be actively doing?
March 8th, 2010 at 6:33 am
To stephanied: I am 19, and am struggling with homosexuality. I
have recently been thinking back on my relationship with my
parents. I keep reading all of these articles about what makes
someone homosexual. And so many of them match up with my life. I
grew up with 3 sisters, always got a long with girls a ton more
then boys, etc… But then I look at my relationship with my
parents. My mom, that was always good. She was loving, supportive,
and I talked with her a lot. And then I thought about my dad. I
recently realized that my relationship with my dad over the past
few years wasn’t that great. My first instinct was to blame my dad,
as almost all of these article I had been reading do. But, then I
though back. I realized that all the times my dad had been there
supporting me. But for some reason or another, I had still rejected
him. I was part of theater for about 3 years. And looking back, my
dad always went out of his way to find some way to be involved in
what I was doing. Wether it was working sound during the
performances, or just coming to almost every show. But I also
remembering doing every thing I could to avoid him. To not be seen
near him, interact with him, even look at him. My mom on the other
hand, I would go see as soon as she got to where ever I was.
Looking back I can’t even understand it myself. It wasn’t that my
dad wasn’t trying. He was trying a lot harder then I almost every
hear of dad’s trying. But, for some reason, I just wasn’t open to
it. Later in my teens, I got involved in a lot of pornography,
which even though I convinced my dad to remove the content
filtering from my computer, my dad was able to track through our
network history or something. Eventually he did confront me about
it. And I specifically remember lying to him. I remember telling
him I had everything completely under control. That I was “talking”
to two different mentors (which I wasn’t) and that (for “reasons” I
couldn’t tell him) I didn’t want him to have anything to do with.
After that he just left me alone. I wasn’t really seeing anyone.
Maybe I was just so ashamed and embarrassed of what I was doing. I
just wanted to pretend to everyone else that It wasn’t even I
problem I had. I am still struggling and trying to work through
similar problems now. I would be happy to answer your or anyone
else’s questions if they want to ask. Hopefully this post isn’t to
late.