A 22-year-old guy recently sent an email to one of our staff asking this very question.  We thought it would be great to provide the answer in a post so that anyone dealing with this same or similar situation could read it.  I’ve asked permission from the student if I could use his question to preface the post.  He agreed, so here is the circumstance he’s facing:

I’ve recently transferred to a new college. One of my new friends here and I discussed becoming accountability partners about a week ago. It usually takes me a while to talk about this kind of stuff with people so I felt blessed it happened so quickly. But then we told each other exactly what was going on and it turns out that both of us struggle with SSA. After that, we both agreed that accountability obviously wouldn’t work between us and that sharing these kinds of deep struggles with each other won’t help matters, under the circumstances. We’ve both been committed to Christ and have never pursued any unhealthy relationships and don’t intend to, but I’m having trouble knowing exactly how I should handle our friendship from here on out. Since you work in ministry and work with others that likely deal with the same issues, what do you do to avoid conflict or temptation? The last thing I want to do is make a brother stumble. I have been praying for years for someone who could relate to what was going on in my own life. I know God had a hand in us meeting. But I’d like to respect my friend in his walk and at the same time honor God in our friendship. Thanks for any input. (keep reading…)

You Don’t Have to be Gay by Jeff Konrad is a very informal and insightful book for men who struggle with homosexuality.  The book is a compilation of letters written by Jeff to his friend, Mike, a man who was struggling with his identity and whether or not he was born gay.  Jeff Konrad offers encouragement and support to Mike that can be applied to any male who struggles with same-sex attraction.  He begins writing to a distraught Mike who is unhappy in his homosexual life.  Konrad takes the opportunity to share how he overcame homosexuality and what was underlying his own homosexual tendencies.

Konrad’s book is organized in such a way that an easy to follow progression is maintained.  He starts out by discussing the roots of homosexuality and provides great insight into why one may struggle with this issue.  This leads up to the steps to overcoming the homosexual struggle and how to be proactive in the healing process. The formatting of the book is very conversational making it reader friendly and easy to understand.  The strength is found in the clarity and broad spectrum of homosexuality that Jeff discusses. He pulls information from people such as Elizabeth Moberly, Leanne Payne – author of Crisis in Masculinity, and C.S. Lewis to provide evidence and support for his claims.

The topics discussed are very comprehensive and provide an informative look into the homosexual condition. Common questions that a struggling man may have are answered in these letters.  These answers are resourceful to males who struggle with homosexuality.  They are also beneficial for those who don’t struggle, by helping them understand and gain compassion for their friend or loved one who has same-sex attractions.  When I first read this book, I felt the author was addressing it to me.  The letters are filled with warmth, tenderness, and care which can be healing for a person who may have experienced scorn and disgust previously. (keep reading…)

About seven years ago I attended my first Exodus conference.  As I was looking at the multitude of workshops offered during the week I came across one entitled “Something, something…MASTURBATION”.  I can’t remember the whole title, because I just saw that “m” word.  I knew I had to go to that one.  But of course when the time came to go I was filled with so much trepidation and shame.  Would I be the only one in the workshop?  I got up enough courage to go, and to my amazement, the room was so full, there was barely any standing room.  It was such a relief to know that I was no longer the only person, or one of the select few, who dealt with this issue.

Something that is so common, a problem for so many Christians, is one of the few things ever discussed in church.  So what is the answer to the question, ‘Is masturbation a sin?’  Is there really anything wrong with it?  I mean, what’s the harm?  What does the Bible say? (keep reading…)

Ricky Chelette, director of Living Hope Ministries, recently wrote an article about parenting a sensitive boy.  Randy Thomas, our EVP, shared it with me.  Here’s an excerpt:

“I think my son wants to be a girl,” the  father blurted out through tear-filled eyes as he entered my office.  He was an enthusiastic father, an articulate, well-educated man, with a passion for God and truth. His wife was with him, tears streaming from her face as she saw the pain in her husband’s heart.  She was a gentle mother with a deep passion for her family and an even deeper passion for the Lord.

“How old is your boy?” I asked.

“He is five and this has been going on for two years.”

…

How do you know that your son wants to be a girl?” I asked. The dad’s response was one that I had heard before and in many ways, was indicative of the confusion I feel exists with gender development in sensitive boys.  The dad began to tell me a myriad of examples where the son was drawn to things the father identified as female:  “He is fascinated with women’s shoes.  He puts his t-shirt over his head and pretends he has long hair.  He loves to touch his mother’s silk nightgowns.  He is fascinated with Ariel in the Little Mermaid and often wants to be her.”

With a quiver in his voice he stated, “And he put on his mothers skirt and was twirling around like a girl. I told him not to do that because that was like a girl!”

This is an issue I have had to think about recently.  A wonderful, concerned mother sent me an email a few weeks ago asking about her five year old son’s peculiar behavior.  He was indeed doing some of the things the boy mentioned in the article was doing.  They were concerned for him, wondering whether he would turn out gay or not.  The truth is, God created him with he temperament and there isn’t anything gay about his interests.  I really like what Ricky says about sensitive boys. (keep reading…)

Have you heard about the Day of Truth? You’ve probably seen announcements about it on the Exodus Youth website and perhaps in our . You may be wondering why is involved and if you are a student personally struggling with same-sex attractions you may think, “Why should I be involved in the Day of Truth?” If you’re feeling that your participation may not be very beneficial or necessary, that is far from the truth. We encourage you to be involved because you are a valuable and much needed asset to this event. Regardless of if you’re a student who secretly struggles or open about your struggle with same sex attractions, you have so much to offer. Your unique perspective and personal experience with homosexuality can be a much needed asset to helping other Day of Truth participants prepare for the conversations taking place at your school.

As an individual who is fighting same sex struggles and submitting this battle daily to Christ, you bring a different and much needed redemptive viewpoint to other DOT participants. They can learn a lot from your personal battle with this issue and gain a better understanding for those students they are actually trying to reach. You have rejected the world’s answer to homosexuality and are experiencing a new-found freedom through Jesus Christ. You are proof that there is another way! By participating in Day of Truth, you can be an advocate for other hurting and struggling students at your school.

Now, please don’t hear us saying that you should broadcast your battle with homosexuality to your whole school. This certainly may not be the time and place for that, but you don’t have to share your testimony in order to be effective. You can still be a great influence in helping bring understanding and compassion to this issue without divulging your own personal battle.

However, if you feel lead to share your story to the DOT participants and/or the student group you’re involved in, be bold in your freedom and share the redemption you’ve experienced through Christ. Be confident that you’re not alone and there are thousands of other students battling right alongside you all throughout the world. Your story can plant seeds of life into the hearts of the broken and help other Christians see the grace of God in a new and different way.

By participating in Day of Truth you can make a difference. Whether you feel lead to share your story or not, you can be an invaluable asset to other participants and the students they are reaching out to. Hopefully, the conversations will continue beyond this one day event and the Lord will use you to bring real answers and hope to a culture impacted by homosexuality.