exodus youth

by Jayson Graves

Could you use some help with resisting temptation? Do you ever struggle with temptation feeling or seeming like sin in and of itself? Well, the good news is, there’s plenty more like you, myself included. And there’s also hope and help available to you. I know I can relate with feeling like this and so can many of my counseling clients and I’d like to give you a few tips that might bring clarity and hope and free you up to live the abundant life God intends for you.

Temptation vs. Sin
For me, this started to happen once I realized that just because something was a temptation for me, that didn’t mean I was in sin. Sin (or ‘mistakes’ against God) has to do with willful actions and thoughts…not simply being presented with the idea of these things. There’s a line between thinking and doing and while the former can lead to the latter, it doesn’t have to. I have struggled with this because sometimes the thoughts can seem so real. I’ve gotten down on myself because I even had these thoughts in the first place and bought into the lie that there was something wrong with me. Sound familiar? It’s called false shame and it’s the enemy’s biggest trick.

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With so much misinformation in the media today about homosexuality, it’s no wonder that those seeking to leave homosexuality are faced with so much misunderstanding. A popular theory in pop culture today seems to be that a person with same gender attractions would naturally accept and live happily with their sexuality was it not for bigoted, narrow-minded homophobes who constantly make life impossible for gay men and women. That if only society would cease being so intolerant, everyone would be at peace with whatever sexuality they developed and just live without giving it any thought…like someone being left handed or preferring green over blue.

But as we know, sexuality is complicated and trying to reduce it to a neat sound bite only leaves us with more questions than answers. In actuality, the truth lies more to the middle, which should come as no surprise. It’s true that homophobia is alive and well today; groups like the Westborough Baptist church aren’t making the load easier for anybody. I imagine that there are scores of men and women living scared and lonely lives for fear of being rejected by their friends and family. But the opposite is also true, there are scores of men and women who once accepted homosexuality and have since left that behind…for reasons having nothing to do with fear of rejection.

In fact quite the opposite. Many of the people I’ve met over the years used to be openly gay, some were gay activists, and others lived with their partners for years. If they were seeking acceptance surely becoming “ex-gay” (as some have labeled us) was not the way. Those of us who have walked out of homosexuality face a double rejection as many even in the church as well as in the secular and pro-gay world question the validity of our change. So why change? (keep reading…)

I stood in an empty starbucks with my friend Jenny. We were both assigned the sunday opening shift of a newly opened store and our third partner called in sick leaving us alone. She noticed I had been changing over the recent months but not in a positive way. Whereas I was always happy and giddy making jokes and singing cheezy christian songs to make her laugh… now I was growing increasingly dark and detached. As a friend she demanded to know why I was so distant. It was my darkest secret and only one other person knew. My palms sweaty, gripping the aluminum counter, eyes shuffling about the floor, I finally uttered the words that caused me so much pain to admit.

“Jenny,” I said. “I’m Gay.”

“Alright…” she replied, “but do you want to be gay?” No one had ever asked me that before. No one ever gave me that choice. I knew I wasn’t born gay, but somehow I developed homosexual attractions and now I couldn’t make them go away. (keep reading…)

A common roadblock in the pursuit of purity is the accountability relationship that starts off with good intentions but quickly fizzles out. Ever get depressed and discouraged by simply hashing over the same habitual sins over and over–even in the company of supportive Brothers or Sisters in Christ?

What if accountability was meant to be more than that? Check out this great article over at the Boundless webzine:

Our friends at Portland Fellowship (an Exodus member ministry) have launched an awesome web-based mentoring program at reachtruth.com.

Reach Truth is an online interactive program for men and women struggling with unwanted same-sex attractions.  This 20 week program includes personal mentoring, video teaching, thought provoking questions, and daily devotionals.

The cool thing about this program is that you can do it from anywhere in the world, and you can either request a mentor or “bring on with you.” In other words, if you have a parent, pastor, counselor, or friend of the family that you trust, you can ask them to be your ReachTruth mentor. They complete the program along with you, and it’s setup so they learn everything they need to know along the way. If you don’t have someone to take the journey with you, Reach Truth will provide a mentor for you.

To learn more, go to reachtruth.com and click on Travel Plan. Then to get started, click on Get Your Passport and fill out the form.

A large church in Michigan was the target of a Sunday-morning demonstration by gay activists which quickly got out of control:

The disruption came from a group that calls itself Bash Back, and involved demonstrations outside the church and inside the sanctuary while services were under way, said Mt. Hope Church communications director David Williams.

Members of the group inside the church shouted pro-gay slogans, threw leaflets, unfurled a banner and pulled a fire alarm, then hastily departed, Williams said. There were no injuries, he said.

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I had a friend in high-school who was my first best-friend.  We spent all of our free time together.  For the first time in my life, I felt loved and accepted for who I was. This was an exciting time for me.  I grew close to this friend and to her family.  There were times soon after my parents’ divorce that I didn’t go home for days, spending more and more time at my friend’s house.  We were not in a lesbian relationship, but when my mom asked me if my friend and I were homosexually involved, I had to admit to myself that I wished we were.  If we were a “couple,” then she would never leave me and I would always feel the thrill of having someone truly care about me and value me as a person.

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If I had a dime for every time a young woman questions her sexuality, I could easily pay for my children’s future college tuition.  And that would be sending them to a private school, not a community college.  You may wonder what is causing this unhealthy trend among teens and young women.  When you live in a sex-saturated culture like we do, with sexual images inundating us on TV, in movies and magazines, it is no wonder that sex becomes a constant theme to analyze, ponder and generally obsess over.

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Are you struggling with pornography? Is this something you wish wasn’t in your life but you just can’t seem to conquer it? Well, you’re not alone.

Personally, I can relate with that feeling of being trapped. I’ve been there and I’ve found ways to get beyond that place of being trapped. With God’s help, there is hope for you, like there was hope for me.

There are a few key things to realize and steps to take…allow me share a few of these things that helped me and countless others. (keep reading…)

LiLo and her friend Samantha

What happened to the cute freckle-faced girl from The Parent Trap?  I don’t know Lindsay Lohan or any of the interpersonal dynamics that shaped her life.  My knowledge of Lindsay is limited to what I’ve learned through the media.  From that perspective, I will offer my point-of-view on LiLo’s chaotic life leading up to her relationship with Samantha Ronson.

Lindsay’s father was in jail for a significant portion of her childhood.  She’s now seeking a protective order against him.  It’s clear that LiLo doesn’t like MiLo.  And, although Michael Lohan now professes faith in Jesus and works with Teen Challenge, being a convicted felon didn’t make him much of a role model, at least not from Lindsay’s viewpoint. Parental role models are crucial in helping us develop into secure adults.  They provide boundaries for us and teach us how to relate to the outside world.  When those role models are insecure with themselves (or absent altogether), it is difficult for them to provide us with the direction we need.  (keep reading…)

One of life’s greatest challenges for me has been to be comfortable in my own feminine skin. I am finding that many women, whether they have struggled with same-sex attraction or not, have been frustrated with and had serious questions regarding what being a “Woman” means. If you happen to struggle with lesbianism, please know that you are not alone in dealing with the awkward, difficult, and often distressing realities of being female…feminine.

Throughout childhood and adolescence I steered clear of everything “girly.” No dolls or dresses for me. Instead of sweet nicknames like “Princess” I was the Great Green Frog, Sausage Legs, Lester, Pack Mule, and best of all Lumpy when I was going thru that awkward stage of early adolescence. The last time I was mistaken for my mother’s son was when I was a sophomore in college.

I think part of my problem has been that I am competitive by nature. If I didn’t have a shot at being the best, why play. As for beauty, brains and brawn: I did well in school. I was strong as an ox, some said, and did well in competitive swimming. Yet, I knew I was never going to be pretty so why even try. In fact it made me feel better to degrade anything feminine. I was strong and confident on the inside and it did not matter what I looked like on the outside. I was not going to make a big fuss just to please others who might be looking at me. (keep reading…)

I heard Katy Perry’s song “I Kissed a Girl (And I Liked It)”.  I love upbeat, care-free songs with catchy tunes.  It reminds me of high-school summers, hanging out with friends and riding the bus to the beach.  Like most people, I listen to music for the music.    When I was a teenager, I didn’t know the words to half the songs I heard.  The other half, I sang along with when they played on the radio, because it was fun and I liked the sound.  So what is the big deal if Katy sings that she kissed a girl?  I don’t listen for the lyrics, I listen for the music.  That’s why they call it music.

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Does the Bible really say that homosexuality is a sin? Or does it, as some people say, actually condone and celebrate homosexual relationships? As Christians, we need to know what the Bible tells us about sexuality and gender. Here’s a quick overview of what Scripture really says, as well as responses to some of the most common challenges made to our understanding of the Bible. (keep reading…)

I know what an important question this is to you; it’s a question I’ve asked many times. In the middle of an internal conflict between powerful desires for the same sex and the deep conviction that what the Bible says is true, something’s got to give. What will it be?

For those who are just starting to look at a journey out of homosexuality, we are often thinking in terms of attraction when we ask about change. Will we always feel our same-sex attractions (SSA) so strongly? Will we ever have opposite-sex attractions (OSA) to a satisfying degree?

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Everybody’s story is a little bit different. Maybe you’re struggling with same-sex attraction or you know somebody who is. The good news: you’re not alone! Or maybe you heard about Exodus somewhere and just couldn’t believe something like this really existed. In any case, we’re glad you’re here to find answers for yourself. Let’s talk about it:

• What are you guys all about?
• Is God mad at me?
• What does “freedom from homosexuality” really mean?
• So what now?

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The answer that immediately comes to mind is, “Well, yeah!” We know God loves everybody, but then we’re confused when we see Bible verses that say homosexuality is a sin. What does that mean for gays?

Let’s ask ourselves: does God think the way we do? Not quite (Isaiah 55:9). So I wonder if God would even think of people as “gay” or “straight” in the first place? (keep reading…)

A poll of over 2,000 youth at the National LCMS Gathering in Orlando in 2007 gave some insight into youth’s perspectives on today’s issues. Among prioritizing their life concerns–personal faith being at the top–the youth gave their opinions on controversial subjects, including homosexuality and same-sex marriage.

About two-thirds of participants (66%) said that homosexuality is always wrong, down from 70% in 2004. Only about 14% of youth said they would allow same-sex marriage.

“Youth appear to be trending with society and culture in general” on this matter, [said Dr. Terry Dittmer, director of LCMS Youth Ministry].

For more statistics on other subjects, read the whole article >>

When you think of the issues that are most urgent or dangerous in the world today, homosexuality probably isn’t at the very top. War, poverty, disease, sexual slavery; these are certainly more pressing and require a lot of attention.

But the existence of more important or urgent issues doesn’t make homosexuality a non-issue. The way we live out our gender and conduct ourselves sexually matters a whole lot to God. In the Bible, you’ll find strongly-worded writings not only about the negative consequences of deviating from God’s plan for sexuality, but more importantly, you’ll discover the beautiful creation He had in mind when He made man and woman for each other.
The fact that God made us male and female is a big deal. In fact, it’s the second thing the Bible says about humanity, right after the fact that we’re made in God’s image (Genesis 1:27). (keep reading…)

People only change when they decide to for themselves; you cannot force anyone to make a change they don’t want to. Still, you can definitely be a support to Christians seeking a way out of homosexuality or lesbianism.

First, you can pray for an unsaved homosexual person and share the gospel with them. If you are relating with a Christian struggling with this issue, you can pray for them, too. Pray God will give them the courage and perseverance to achieve sexual abstinence. Sexual activity usually covers deep wounds. Once activity stops, the “pain-killer” of sex wears off and underlying emotional pain can surface. Be there to listen and support them in this process. (keep reading…)

Jesus modeled for us the balance of showing both truth and grace as we relate to others. Jesus confronted a lot of people in sinful lifestyles, but always treated them with love.

God hates all sin equally, and perhaps, with regard to loving the homosexual, the first step is simply to acknowledge that homosexual behavior is a sin like any other – including heterosexual sin, lust, envy, covetousness, gossip, etc. People living a homosexual lifestyle are sinners like the rest of us and, like the rest of us, they are people created by God and loved by God. As such, we are called to love in whatever sinful state we happen to find them. (keep reading…)