If God can change me, why hasn’t He?
Written by: Frank Carrasco | December 1st, 2009
When I walked into my first support group meeting, I was an angry, depressed 19 year old. I had struggled in secret with desires and temptations I never wanted and that kept me from living the life I always dreamed of. I had been Bible Club president all through High School and consequently lead a double life… shiny, happy Christian by day while struggling all night with pornography and chat rooms. As a Christian I had a love for God and I read the scriptures searching for answers.
As I walked into that support group for the first time I came with one solitary question. From reading the scriptures I understood homosexuality was wrong. 1st Corinthians 6:9-10 made clear that “homosexual offenders” were not going to inherit the kingdom of heaven. For me it didn’t feel like a choice, the way other sins like prostitution or witchcraft were… I thought as long as I was attracted to men I was not going to inherit the kingdom of heaven. I also read in the Gospels accounts of Jesus walking through town healing the lame, blind and deaf even raising people from the dead. My question to the leadership at the group was: “If being gay means I’m going to hell… and if Jesus can heal me… why am I still gay?”
Here is what I’ve learned along the way.
1. When the Bible speaks about homosexuality, its talking about a behavior not a person. When we read the Bible, we look at it through our own cultural filter. We see words such as “homosexual” and think “gay.” what is sad is that today “gay” defines a person not just a behavior. But that was not the case when it was written. The word “homosexual” didn’t even exist until the late 1800s when Karl Maria Kertbenny coined the term “homosexual” to describe someone attracted to the same sex. I struggled because I thought Homosexual was someone I was, not something I did… I felt condemned by my own existence. All other sins were a choice… Prostitution was a choice, idolotry was a choice, slander was a choice… but being gay wasn’t a choice. I had to learn that the Bible wasn’t condemning me because I was struggling, it was condemning an action that very much was a choice.
2.God cares more about your character than He does about your convenience: It is true that God can do anything; what I overlooked was His will. Yes, we see instances in the Bible where God heals people of infirmities, but it is far more common in scripture that His people go through tribulation and temptation. In Romans 8:28, after being told that there is no condemnation in Christ, Paul reassures us that “all things work for the Good of those who love God.” In 2nd Corinthians 3:18 we are told that ultimately we are being transformed into the likeness of God. Would this be accomplished if God simply took my struggle with homosexuality away? Probably not! As people who don’t struggle with homosexuality are also in need of being transformed into the image of God. Rather, God can take my struggle with homosexuality, and make it serve His purpose of drawing me closer to Him. Even Paul speaks of a “thorn in his flesh” which he pleaded for God to take away three times to which God replied “my grace is sufficient for you.” If God did not take the temptations (whatever they were) away from Paul, why should I expect Him to take away mine?
3. lastly, I had to be reminded of a truth that is found throughout the Bible. God does not promise His believers that life will be easy. In fact quite the opposite. In John 16:33 Christ tells his followers “In this world, you will have trouble.” I was living in the false assumption that following God was going to make all my struggles go away. But we should be encouraged because Christ goes on to say “But take heart, for I have overcome the world!” The idea of God as my cosmic concierge, solving my problems and granting me my every wish is very much a modern western idea. Its microwave Christianity. Its prosperity Gospel and it simply is not scriptural. What is scriptural is that He will never leave us nor forsake us. That in all our temptations he provides grace and strength to resist. That He loves us. As a good friend once told me “God never promised that it would be easy, He only promised that it would be worth it!”
All that to say, be encouraged. God does not condemn you. He does have a plan, and will use even this to draw you close to Him. If you face temptation, know that He loves you and promised He will never leave you nor forsake you, draw near to Him and He will draw near to you… It may not be easy, but He is totally worth it!
32 Responses to “If God can change me, why hasn’t He?”
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December 2nd, 2009 at 11:03 pm
I can really relate to what Frank is saying. I went to church my
entire life and felt like God just said “See Ya!” I felt abandoned.
I prayed from age 13 to the present for God to deliver me but I
felt like He never did. My problem was that I wasnt giving my
entire life over to Him. I only gave Him part of it. I expected to
snap my fingers and for Him to take my struggle away, but I have
learned over the past seven months that it doesnt work that way.
December 28th, 2009 at 10:19 pm
I had a similar experience as Paul had. i knew I had this, yet I
wasn’t sure how to deal with it. So I searched in the Bible. I
prayed to God from about the age of 14 but didn’t feel anything. I
never told anyone about it because I couldn’t stand the social
punishment, and I’m glad for it. Still, no one knows. But maybe I’m
just not giving my everything to God. I feel like more and more God
is taking me over like a Japanese island in WWII, but there may be
some aspects that I’m gripping tightly. Still waiting for God to
reveal what benefit this homosexual struggle will show me.
January 13th, 2010 at 8:34 pm
Hi. I completely agree with Paul: God does not work like a genie
There is nothing like seeing a young life changed
would. But one thing I’ve learned is that GOD’S TIMING IS PERFECT.
If we put in our part by being a living sacrifice and purifying our
thoughts, He will back us up and stay true to His promise, that He
came to set the captives free. I am one that is being set free.
Everyday I feel less and less SSA (even though I used to think the
day will never come when I would be able to say that and mean it).
And Chris, though you may not see the benefits yet, you can be sure
you will see them in Jesus name. I used to think that even if I
were to be set free from SSA, it would be a horrible memory that
would cling to me and only bring me bitterness and remorse in the
future. I don’t know if this is the case for you as well, but if it
is, I just want to say that you can be sure that God will use your
past to bring Him glory and souls to His Kingdom. He is doing so
with me, because as I share my testimony with people who struggle
with SSA, they become more open to the gospel and to Jesus. Watch
and see God turn what brought you sorrow into something you could
smile about.
by Jesus because of your testimony.
January 24th, 2010 at 1:52 am
SO I just found this site tonight, and I have to say that I am
but I just wanted
deeply inspired and encouraged by it. Myself, I live in rual area
where for ten years I was sure I was the only person who had to
deal with this sin – which is not ture, when Elijah cried out God
showed him a cave full of prophets, likewise, He is always faithful
to show us how ‘not’ alone we are. But as I read I’m meat with
increasing frustration from teens who need to know why they still
deal with homosexuality and it’s temptaion. I’m going to be very
honest when I say that I am still in the grips of this struggle.
I’ve only been a follower of Christ for seven months, and what I’ll
tell you of my walk so far is that it’s been one hard thing after
another. Christ promises victory, and we have to remember that ‘He
who is in us, is greater then He who is in the world’ but the thing
about that verse we have to remember, is that for it to have any
effect there are certian things that must be in place: a) “He” must
be in us. b) for this verse to be truthful at all (and as a young
beliver who struggles with this, this is the part that does suck)
we HAVE to be “in the world” This is something that I’m still
coming to grips with, but guys, the question isn’t why can’t I be
changed, dear family!, it’s how can I be strengthened to put up
with “the world”. This is the long, short, and ugly of the thing
guys, that we are set free from sin in Christ. If you were a
homosexual )(as I was) then now – no matter what – after you accept
Christ, you aren’t. That’s a truth guys. 1 corinthians 6:11 says -
speaking to FORMER homosexuals as well as others – “And such were
some of you (get it? “such were some” pass tense – your a new
person!). But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you
were justified in the name of the Lrod Jesus and by the Spirit of
our God.” Dear frank, I appreciate so greatly your article, but I
don’t have peace in conecting pauls ‘physical’ struggle with
something that is a spiritual problem. In Gal. there is more
evidence that Paul – in the end of 2 Cor. – was actually speaking
of a possible eye condition. I would love if you could give me some
feed back on this. But I guess what I’m trying to say is this. We
are called to be IN THE WORLD AND NOT OF IT (i hate writing in
capslock – i feel so cheese) that means that if you were a
homosexual – stop giving into the lie that you still are one. And
stop, for the sake of Love that can change your life, asking “why
can’t God change me?” He has changed you! Your struggle (the one
that as a sixteen year old boy I put up with everyday – believe me
I know your pain, I was lost in this sin for ten whole years!) is
nothing more then living ‘in the world’. God does not cause our
temptation dear family, He allows it. And God will not lift this
temptation, in stead, He will strengthen us to DEAL with it. Just
because your tempted – listen to me – it means nothing! It only
means that you know live in the world, and if you take a hold of
the power of Christ and His Love, His Word, and His Spirit, you
will not be of it! wow, this is long – sorry
to share this verse before I left off to go to sleep. “I write to
you, young men, because you have over come the wicked one.” 1 John
2:13 As a Christian, you are not called to remain as a babe and be
a victor – guys, we need to grow up and by His power, “over come
the wicked one”……and this means that no matter how much we cry,
and how hurt and alone we feel by these attackts (direct spiritual
attackts mindyou) Jesus will not remove the wicked one for
us….no….instead, He’ll empower us to “overcome the wicked one.”
“For if our heart condemns us, God is greater then our heart, and
knows all things.” 1 John 3:20 He know’s you struggle He knows “all
things” so just remember, never ask “God why won’t you take this
away?” but cry out “Jesus Christ my friend and Savior! Give me the
strength to be a ‘young man’ and ‘over come the wicked one’!” He
will answer you. He does not break His promises. God bless, -Ez
January 26th, 2010 at 3:49 pm
Thanks for the thoughts homeschoolmag!
February 15th, 2010 at 8:24 pm
EZ, I loved what you had to say quoting 1John that we are in the
world, but not of it and that we have overcome. This is so true,
and our sturggle to submit to God and resist the devil makes us
stronger each day. I want to point out that Jesus Christ giving you
the strength is GRACE. No matter what the temptation, his grace is
sufficient. This site has been so encouraging as I am a christian
mom who is trying to coop and is crying out for God’s wisdom in how
to deal with my daughter. She has been through a lot, as we just
found out that she was sexually abused too. God Bless you and give
you all the strength to resist the devil. Remember Eph. 6:
10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on
the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the
devil’s schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood,
but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers
of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the
heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that
when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground,
and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then,
with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the
breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted
with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In
addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you
can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the
helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word
of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of
prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep
on praying for all the saints. God is Faithful in His Love.
February 15th, 2010 at 8:28 pm
“God is Faithful in His Love” should be a new paragraph. Glad to
see that wording is being monitored. Blessings!
February 22nd, 2010 at 3:19 pm
Young people. All of us believers will struggle. The only way to
get through is to hang on to Jesus Christ, who is our Lord and
Savior. Daily, repent and ask the Lord to give you today his
portion. To meet you right where you are at – no matter the
struggle, the temptation or the issue in your life. No matter if we
have same sex attraction, issues with porn, sexual addiction, lust
…these are all tactics of the enemy who comes to steal, kill and
destroy. Ask the Lord for his grace daily, put your flesh on the
cross (crucify it!) by fasting and praying about what you want the
Lord to help you with. You will see the difference in your life.
God can change murders, drug dealers and addicts – why do you think
he cannot change you for having SSA? Don’t be conformed to the
things of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your
mind. This means don’t follow society’s label of your attraction
and pressured to be “gay” but recognize that the Lord made you in
his imagine but the enemy “twists” or “perverts this what God
makes. Don’t fall into the lie, remember that you may have been
molested or perhaps fell into a psychological trap (read Franks
testimony). Renew your mind by reading the word of God which will
be your sword to fight against the enemy. Learn scripture to help
you fight these temptations like any one else struggling. Remember
“greater is He (who is Jesus Christ) than he who is in the world
(satan)”, also, “you (I) have the mind of Christ” , and “you (I)
can do All things through Christ who strengthens me”. “All things
are possible through Christ!” Give your entire LIFE (mind, body and
soul) to the Lord. Fight the good fight of Faith. BELIEVE YOUNG
PEOPLE. JOIN A CHURCH AND BECOME PART OF THE BODY OF CHRIST, STAY
IN GOD’S VINE AND YOU WILL PRODUCE GOOD FRUIT! THE BIBLE WILL KEEP
YOU AWAY FROM SIN MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS – BUT SIN WILL ALSO KEEP
YOU AWAY FROM THE BIBLE! LET JESUS CHRIST’S MERCY AND GRACE CARRY
YOU THROUGH THIS LIFE! GOD BLESS.
February 26th, 2010 at 2:20 pm
I’m overwhelmed reading what some of the young people have expressed. Both the struggles and the victory. I am a mom of a 15 year old son. We discovered his relationship with a boy at school a year ago and have been on a roller coaster ride since. We went the counseling route and after six months he was indifferent as to any progress and said “he had it handled.” Perhaps out of a desperation for it to “be over” we took that as “success.”
I’ve just read some messages today that reveal it is clearly not over. I don’t know what to do from here. My husband and I have shown our unconditional love and support for him. We have not condemned him or belittled him. Since last year my husband has poured himself into our son with time spent together (church retreats, football games, working on the car etc). Do we look for more counseling? What do I do from here? I would love to hear from some of the teens as to what would have helped or would help from their parents. I know God has the ultimate victory and wants more for my son than I ever could. But as a brokenhearted mother, is there something that I should be actively doing?
March 8th, 2010 at 6:33 am
To stephanied: I am 19, and am struggling with homosexuality. I
have recently been thinking back on my relationship with my
parents. I keep reading all of these articles about what makes
someone homosexual. And so many of them match up with my life. I
grew up with 3 sisters, always got a long with girls a ton more
then boys, etc… But then I look at my relationship with my
parents. My mom, that was always good. She was loving, supportive,
and I talked with her a lot. And then I thought about my dad. I
recently realized that my relationship with my dad over the past
few years wasn’t that great. My first instinct was to blame my dad,
as almost all of these article I had been reading do. But, then I
though back. I realized that all the times my dad had been there
supporting me. But for some reason or another, I had still rejected
him. I was part of theater for about 3 years. And looking back, my
dad always went out of his way to find some way to be involved in
what I was doing. Wether it was working sound during the
performances, or just coming to almost every show. But I also
remembering doing every thing I could to avoid him. To not be seen
near him, interact with him, even look at him. My mom on the other
hand, I would go see as soon as she got to where ever I was.
Looking back I can’t even understand it myself. It wasn’t that my
dad wasn’t trying. He was trying a lot harder then I almost every
hear of dad’s trying. But, for some reason, I just wasn’t open to
it. Later in my teens, I got involved in a lot of pornography,
which even though I convinced my dad to remove the content
filtering from my computer, my dad was able to track through our
network history or something. Eventually he did confront me about
it. And I specifically remember lying to him. I remember telling
him I had everything completely under control. That I was “talking”
to two different mentors (which I wasn’t) and that (for “reasons” I
couldn’t tell him) I didn’t want him to have anything to do with.
After that he just left me alone. I wasn’t really seeing anyone.
Maybe I was just so ashamed and embarrassed of what I was doing. I
just wanted to pretend to everyone else that It wasn’t even I
problem I had. I am still struggling and trying to work through
similar problems now. I would be happy to answer your or anyone
else’s questions if they want to ask. Hopefully this post isn’t to
late.
March 22nd, 2010 at 6:40 pm
I just found this site today, and let me say before I begin: IT IS AWESOME! I have been struggling with homosexuality for about three years now – it all started when I was about 13. I was fat and ALWAYS focused on it – and how much I wanted to be thinner. Eventually, the devil began to pervert my thoughts and before I knew it, I began focusing on other men and how handsome they were, and then I began to think they were attractive (and getting lots of SSA’s). I knew (from being raised in Church) that homosexuality was a sin, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. Then I got caught up in pornography, and used it very frequently. If I hadn’t gotten caught a few months later, I probably would’ve actually ended up becoming gay. I was so distraught. But soon, I started up again. Ever since then, it has been a battle for me. The homosexual thoughts of lust and SSA’s happened all the time. They still do. And I haven’t been able to stop using pornography either. I’ve tried to stop, but I wasn’t able to.
Now, I’m still going through this, and it’s recently come up again. This time, I wanted to get help and really DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS. I had let all of this stuff just simmer for awhile, but I fear that if I continue to do that, I will go too far and actually begin living a homosexual lifestyle. I don’t want to let it go this far – I want to deal with it now, before it’s too late! I love the things of God very much and I desperately wish to be free of this so that I can live my life for Him. I know that I’m not romantically attracted to men, but I am very much so sexually (deceived by lust). I can’t stop myself from indulging in SSA’s and gay porn. I need help as soon as possible. Any help or advice you can offer me would be excellent! I am very much looking forward to actively seek help in this community. I am afraid that if I don’t make a change soon, I will spiral down into a path that can only lead to hell.
March 23rd, 2010 at 9:52 am
Hi Man of God,
There are a couple of easy things you can do to help with the porn addiction. There are filters you can place on your web browser to prevent you from going to bad websites. Also, there is a free accountability software through xxxchurch.com where you can have up to three people hold you accountable. Each week they receive a report of all questionable websites you’ve been on. If you want to move up to a better program, which does cost money, check out Covenant Eyes (covenanteyes.com). It’s a better program overall, but X3watch from XXXChurch works just fine. On a spiritual level, are you in a community of believers that you can trust with your struggles? They don’t necessarily have to know you’re struggling with SSA right now. But you need accountability, encouragement, prayer, and support from friends. You also need someone in your life you can be real with and talk things out with. Keeping things inside will only make the problem bigger. I’ve experienced tremendous freedom when I’ve had someone to share my struggles with who was safe and supportive. Finally, God loves you and has the power to give to you to stand and resist the temptation to act out. Taking your thoughts captive and submitting them to Christ may sound cliche…but it works. Submitting our struggle to He who is far greater than us and allowing Him to actually carry the weight of the burden begins the process of walking into freedom from this struggle. It will be hard, and at times you will mess up. But be gracious to yourself and allow God’s grace to fill your heart. Don’t beat yourself up if you fail, repent and get right back up again. I hope this helps.
March 24th, 2010 at 9:21 pm
Dear Chris,
Thank You SO MUCH for your help. I have recently decided that I can’t slide by in this lifestyle anymore. I am going to make a change once and for all. Taking lustful thoughts captive has been a tremendous help, too. I really believe that with a determination, help from God, and help from Communities like Exodus Youth, I will finally be able to free myself. Please continue to pray for me if you think of it.
Thank You Again, and God Bless ALL of You,
ManofGod93
April 15th, 2010 at 1:17 am
Stephanie: I realize I am posting nearly 2 months after your post. I just felt very compelled to share my story with you after reading about your son.
I am 18 and have struggled with same sex attraction for years. I have never been sexually active but have walked/walking through the darkness of pornography, etc. I grew up in a great Christian home. All boys in my family, I have three brothers. And both parents were actively involved in my life. When I was 5 I had a sexual encounter with an older neighbor boy. Since then I have been very confused sexually, especially during puberty, now for the past few years I have developed more and realize I have no sexual attraction to women. I am committed to purity and to the Lord, and am earnestly seeking freedom! I have been called into ministry and believe that for whatever reason, the Lord is allowing me to walk through this but will be there with me.
That’s my background. To your story, sounds like you both are VERY loving parents. It almost brought me to tears, I could just feel the love through your words- you so want to help your son through this struggle, and do anything you can to help him. Just from my angle here’s what I needed when I was confused at age 15, 16. I did not want to talk about sexual things with my parents. I would however open up to Christian counselor or pastor-when one on one with them. I think find someone you trust that can counsel your boy, but be there to talk with him if he wants to. I just know for me, I feel like my parents have no idea where I am coming from. That’s why I have never brought it up with them. I think you both should continue to make every effort to stay close and connected with his life- talk to him, ask him questions (not about sexuality, but surrounding the subject). “You know both of us love you so much, don’t you?” Speak truth into his life.
God bless you, on this difficult journey.
April 21st, 2010 at 7:59 pm
Let’s get one thing clear here. You can’t ‘change.’ Okay? This is you. Homosexuality is something that’s not in your control. You don’t decide to be gay or to be straight. While you may want to be one or the other, it’s something that comes along with your package. It’s kind of like, why do I like certain genres of music? I’m not sure, I probably will never know why. BUT I DO.
This whole ‘Exodus’ thing. Well, it’s a lie. Just so everyone knows. You may have think you have changed, sure. But have you ever heard of wanting to see something so badly, it appears?
Well, this is a lot like that situation. Either you’re LGBT or you’re not. You don’t ‘change.’ You’re not an ‘ex-gay.’
And, hi there. While being LGBT might be a struggle, it’s who you are. There’s no fighting that.
So instead of lying to yourselves to make other people happy, why don’t you EMBRACE yourselves?!
Homosexuality is just as beautiful as Heterosexuality, and it is not a sin.
And if you think homosexuality is wrong. Well, you, my friend, are the one that deserves Hell. Not them.
April 23rd, 2010 at 12:14 pm
Stephanie,
I’m glad to see that some of the posts I and others who are active participants in God’s grace have encouraged u. The battle to relate to my parents is/has been, a long and grueling one. I know I’m commenting a little late – so I hope your still checking the site for updates Anyways…your son is precious, just remember that. His strength that he needs is Jesus and no one else, but here is the beauty of parenting Stephanie, u and your husband have the opportunity to be a picture of God to your son. If he’s anything like me (and I’m seventeen btw) he will open up to pastors or councilors fare quicker then he’ll open up to u and your husband – but don’t lose heart. True healing comes from God, and even though pastors and counselors are awesome, true healing really comes through God using the family. This has been the hardest of lessons for me to learn. I felt so awful for being the way I was, that I didn’t want to talk about my ‘issues’ with my parents because I felt like such a complete failure. I thank God that He gave me a pastor I can love like an older brother and spiritual father and who has always been there for me, but I can faithfully say that until I trusted God in sitting down with both of my parents and just letting all my problems and insecurities pour out over them, there really wasn’t the deep healing that I truly needed. Not all kids have parents who are willing to be healing tools for Christ, but if u and your husband are sincere in helping your son, then please don’t lose heart, but keep telling him how much u love him, how proud u are of him. Don’t force, him but be honest with him – try telling him that he needs to open up to you guys as parents (just remember to tell him this with faith in God because who knows how he’ll react). Just remember that u can’t change your son no matter how much u love him, u can only do ALL within your power to make sure he will never be able to say “You never did this or that”. Let God shape your decision with your son, let God live through u, that’s the only way healing can come because His hands will work through u if u but let Him because you’re the parents and it’s your position. My parents and I have literally been sick, lost weight, sleep, and everything else because this battle has been (and still is) so hard. But one thing I can say, is that my parents never stopped telling me they loved me, never stopped protecting me from things I don’t have the strength to control (such as cell phones –calling people who will only do me more harm then good…friends can be the best and WORST thing for struggling Christians – internet and even movie control), and most importantly never stop trying to reach out to me.
Another thing Stephanie, if your boy is anything like me – don’t trust a word he says. If he says he’s ‘got this under control’ or he’s ‘handling it’ then u probably need to be really scared for him. Remember, sexually he has no safe zone probably. Don’t trust his friends either. I used to be this guy who parents loved because I was a ‘good’ influence to other kids – until their parents backs were turned and then I would just do awful stuff with them. I know how much u want to trust your son, but especially if he goes to school where he’s away form u for a long amount of time and can get into sexual situations easily (‘cause kids can find ways you would never think of to do crap and the best place to do stuff like that is in large crowds like school where your not to significant), just be cautious in how much you trust him – especially if he’s committed sexual acts with other guys, trust him even less – remember, it’s for his own good. Anyways, hope this can help. Know that you and your son are being prayed for.
And Edward,
I’m so encouraged to read how u believe the Lord has called u into ministry! I too have experience that divine call! It’s hard, believing that you’ve been called while issues such as these rage in your heart – but I always keep this verse close to my heart ever time I think God made a mistake in calling me “If your heart condemns u, God is greater then your heart and knows all things” 1 John 3:20 Also, I just wanted to send u some personal encouragement because u said that u have no sexual attraction to women – don’t lose heart! I too went through that for like a looooong time after I got saved. I was so frustrated with myself that no matter how hard I prayed I could not find any sexually romantic attraction to girls. I have to admit it was so hard watching other Christians be ‘normal’ and have girlfriends and talk about this and that ‘hot chick’ and stuff – while I was secretly just playing along because I thought Tom was better looking then Katy. But I just want to encourage you that if you keep praying, God will answer that prayer! For me it happened in one day that God gave me the blessed gift of attraction to chicks (doesn’t that just sound so weird!) I was so excited and happy that I thought girls romantic I actually called my pastor and about shouted his ear off with joy that God had given me such a gift – I honestly think I freaked him out though, lol!
I don’t really have a girlfriend (mostly because I honestly don’t like the principal that dating lays down – I would prefer to not date until I actually have something to offer a girl, and I don’t really want to go through the ‘burning’ of several relationships either. I would rather wait and find the right girl instead of ‘trying’ out fifty seven) but for the first time I can say there’s a girl I like – and believe me, last year at this time, I would never have thought I would be writing that. But I just wanted to encourage u to not give up on asking God to give you the opposite sex attraction – it can be a long, and discouraging fight, but He will answer your prayers. Just endure, He will answer
God bless peeps!
-ez
April 28th, 2010 at 9:53 am
Kaylee96,
Thanks for posting here. I’m glad you did. I want to encourage you to be respectful even of those who may disagree with you. There are thousands of people all around the world who have changed from a gay identity. I’m one of those people. Regardless of your views on the matter I HAVE changed. My identity isn’t in a label, it’s in my Creator. He doesn’t define me as homosexual. I do agree with you that no one decides to have homosexual feelings, I mean seriously, who would really choose those feelings? But, we do have the choice to act on those feelings. I don’t know your faith background and whether or not you are a Christian, but here’s the important question: Do we allow our fleshly desires and feelings to dictate our lives and label our identity? Or do we allow the Truth of Scripture, God’s word made known, and the Designer of all of us to dictate our lives and define our identity? As a follower of Christ I would say ‘no’ to the first question and ‘yes’ to the second. We are born into a world of sin. We are all predisposed to sin, but does that mean we embrace it? No. God, the Father, sent His son so that we may have power through the Holy Spirit to resist AND overcome sin. The Bible is clear on the practice of homosexuality – it’s a sin. The Old Testament and New Testament agree on this matter. Regardless of our world’s belief or our culture, the Bible is Truth and I will be obedient to God’s word because I know it brings freedom.
Comparing homosexual or heterosexual feelings to our tastes in music does not work. So much of our being is our sexuality. Sexuality and tastes in music are two distinct and different things. As I have been on the healing journey, walking away from a gay identity, I’ve learned that so much of my struggles with homosexuality came from experiences as a child – my perception of dad rejecting me, sexual abuse by an older male, having a warped view of masculinity, a broken home, and the list could go on and on. My point is, our sexuality is determined at birth (heterosexual), but it is our life experiences that wound us, in my case it robbed me of the healthy male affection I needed as a boy. So, growing older into puberty, I was starving for something that should have been provided when I was younger.
As far as Exodus being a lie, I have not right to judge you, so don’t be quick to judge the work of Exodus. Simply because you can’t understand or believe in what Exodus is doing, doesn’t make our work a lie. Many people have been helped exponentially by the work of Exodus. I, myself, found tremendous healing through an Exodus member ministry when I was in college. If you are calling the redeeming, healing work of a Savior who promises to restore all things to himself a lie…that’s a very bold statement. NEVER underestimate the power of the Holy Spirit. The Lord says himself in Luke 18:27 that what’s impossible for man is possible with God. You may think change is impossible, but my God is bigger than any labels, any struggles, and any worldly views on sexuality. Regardless of the world’s views, God is the God of impossible. The world says you CAN’T change….it’s impossible. God says you CAN change…I (God) make it possible.
You are right…I’m not ex-gay. I’m a son of God. My identity is in HIM, not in my old identity or what I used to do. I am a completely changed, totally different person now than when I was living homosexually. It’s not a life now of constant struggle and resistance. Once I got my needs met in healthy ways, building healthy male friendships, becoming confident in myself as a man, pursuing God, I began to change. Homosexual thoughts and challenges don’t hinder me today. They are mere afterthoughts. I don’t struggle with homosexual temptation like I did those many years ago. Do I still struggle with temptation, sure…who doesn’t? But that doesn’t make the claim, “I am changed,” void. I’m not living a lie, I’m living the Truth in my own life. God restores, He heals, He redeems, and wants the absolute best for our lives. Homosexuality was not the best for my life. Living free of that identity for 7 years now, I can say that is absolutely true. I was deprived of so much when I allowed the world to enslave me into an identity God never wanted me to wear.
Finally, it doesn’t matter what I think or not. It matters what God says. The Bible is clear on the issue of homosexuality – it is sin. You’re last statement is very hateful and lacks any true tolerance of differing views. Simply because you disagree with me, I will respect that – not condemn you to Hell. Exodus does not spit venom and hatred towards the homosexual community. We love them. So many of us used to be a part of that community. But we’ve found something better. God loves the homosexual community so very much. I’m not pointing fingers at anyone shouting who deserves Hell and who doesn’t…because in reality we all deserve Hell. But Christ has come to redeem us all from any brokenness and sin. He meets us where we are at, but doesn’t leave us there. He pushes us forward, urging us to relinquish all control, all labels, all identities, and all fleshly desires to pursue Him to the fullest. I work in this ministry because I love the homosexual community so much. I have experienced a new life in Christ, a new found freedom, one that I didn’t know about or even knew existed when I was gay-identified. If I didn’t love someone I wouldn’t share this gift with them. But it is love from Christ that urges me to share that freedom is possible, change can happen, and a loving God can do what the world labels impossible.
May 21st, 2010 at 1:24 pm
I certainly don’t know why God is letting me go through this, but i
believe He has a purpose for it
June 16th, 2010 at 2:16 am
So what your trying to say is that its okay to have thoughts of men
and to like men but just dont have sex with him? I’m stuck here.
Homosexuality, most of the times, come with a personality. Its very
feminine. Not all the time. So a man can be just like a chick but
not have any sexual encounters with men? I am struggling here.
June 26th, 2010 at 7:51 am
Hi…I’m the mom of a 19 year old who has been struggling with SSA
since age 12, possibly even younger. I recently found out she has
been involved in a relationship with another female, same age,
whose parents approve of their relationship. We as followers of
Christ are at a loss as to how to help her. When I try to talk with
her about it, she gets very angry and is not open to any discussion
about the situation. We are continuing to pray for her and love
her. She is seeing a counselor, but from what she tells me, the
counselor condones the homosexual lifestyle, so this is definitely
not helping her. I do not believe she is at a point where she wants
to make a decision to change, esp. since her relationship with the
other person has been going on for at least 2 years. Any advice is
appreciated. I know the Lord is sovereign and He has a plan and
purpose for each of us. I didn’t tell our pastor yet since he is
new to our church. I haven’t had success in finding a counselor in
our area either.
July 13th, 2010 at 12:56 pm
hey jajekawa, i know this is frustrating, trust me. I myself dont
know who to turn to. It seems easier to let everything go and just
accept it. But then at the same time you dont want to because you
want to be with god. I cant help thinking, what if i die today,
will i have the same chance as anyone else to go to heaven? Or am i
condemned for the rest of my life. Last night i had this dream
where i was in the middle of exchanging vows at my wedding. When it
was my turn to say the big ”i do”, i froze. I no longer wanted to
get married because i felt that i could never love her, nor any
girl. My biggest fear is growing up with these (SSA) and because of
it never have a normal life. When i was 13 i looked up gay porn for
the first time. The images are still stuck in my head and they’ll
probably never go away. I was just curious, i mean i didnt really
think i would eventually learn to like it. I don’t think i was born
gay, i liked girls since i was in first grade. But now since the
porn, i don’t like them sexually as much as guys. Its like a
switched the two in my head. I want to be in love with a girl, but
i don’t want to have sex with them. I think about having sex with a
guy but i don’t want to have a relationship with them. The worst
part about that is, some of those guys are my friends. I have all
the signs of being gay. I hang out with mostly girls because i feel
more comfortable around them, more normal. Again, the fact that im
sexually attracted to guys. I don’t know if im really classifies as
gay or not, so i don’t know where to look for answers. All the ones
Ive gotten say that ill be stuck like this for the rest of my life.
Even my friends notice im depressed most of the time and some of
them ask me if im gay or not. I hate this! I hate when they ask me
that, they dont know what im going through. They think that being
gay is so simple, that if you are just come out and admit it! Then
what happens after you do, nothing changes. All the scriptures
about homosexuality in the bible, just tell you not to do it. God
doesn’t tell you how to deal with it. If it were so simple as he
puts it, why am i writing this?
July 16th, 2010 at 8:12 pm
lobo…I can relate to everything you’ve said – except I’m both
sexually, and romantically drawn toward guys. The road to
abstaining from fulfilling the flesh is hard and know you’re not
battling it alone. You have Jesus supplying you, and me and
countless others fighting with you. When paul uses the word ‘fight’
in the bible, the greek actually means like a gladiator fights in
the arena – so it is a very hard fight. But I feel your
frustration. I too am frustrated, with everyone most of the time
and I also suffer depression and sadness, sometimes I get
especially frustrated with exodus. I wish some of the people on
here would do a little more with guys like you and me. I mean, we’re
here, we see our problem, were looking for help and direction, and
yet they never seem to reciprocate – make any sense??? no. I have
only once been told by someone who had to deal with what I’m
dealing that God brought them through. The personal connection that
he was talking to me and no one else encouraged me so much, it
seems like pastors, Christian leaders and exodus youth workers
would do the same…maybe things would change if we all took the risk
of personally encouraging one another during this race. But it
seems like most Christians, pastors, exodus youth workers and the
like have a problem with getting in touch with us individually
(albeit via internet) for the pure reason of just saying ‘I’ve been
there, God brought me through that – hang on’…but so goes our
generation. God give us grace to make it.
July 16th, 2010 at 8:23 pm
btw. jajekawa, the truth is – homosexuality is a lie. The formula
. He will, just trust and obey -
for surviving – every day praying that God will help you over come
the lie. How do you over come it? Not by ceasing to have homosexual
tendencies, but by simply praying when ever your tempted – God Your
word says that this is a sin and that it has no part with You -
please, help me to abstain from thinking about it. Help me to
abstain from fulfilling it. You make me righteous, not by my ‘good’
decisions, but Your Son’s blood makes me righteous and nothing else.
So please help me not to feel condemned when over and over I feel
like a homosexual, help me to not be condemned when I fall all the time.
Help me to get back up, to say that even though I’m so confused, I
will live my life by the light Your word provides, please protect
me and help me to just live for You’ – the second thing too, is
just read the Bible. IT’s the only way you’ll make it. People WILL
LET YOU DOWN. Pray, read, ask God to open your eye’s and heal your
aching soul. And really bro’ I can just say hold on. He’ll get you
through it. My fight has taken me deep into depression on several
accounts. I’ve nearly killed myself twice since accepting Christ,
it’s normal to be mad, frustrated, and confused when dealing with
homosexuality. All I can say is just keep holding on to Christ.
He’ll make it personal, He’ll make it real, and He’ll rescue you in
the end. You just have to trust. Try committing the first six verses
of psalm 37 to memory, and remember that prayer when you feel tired
and worn out from ‘fighting’ the urges and the tendencies (those
verses have saved my life several times – also Jeremiah 29:11 has
had a profound impact on me as well). As far as the masculinity
thing, just pray God show you how to be more of a guy, it what I pray regularly
and remember that no matter how many times you fall, He will help
you back up! when you feel down, send
a shout out, there’s no reason why any one who’s on here
consistently (like me) can’t be a bit of a support groupy for you!
God bless man!
July 19th, 2010 at 9:45 am
Homescoolmag,
Thank you for your comment. I do apologize that you or anyone has felt neglected or ignored on here. Please know that you’re comments are read, prayed over, and appreciated. Unfortunately at this time we don’t have a specific person to devote as much time as needed to the youth website. That is something that we are working hard to correct. But please be gracious with us as we are searching. However I do appreciate your comment and challenge for those of us who do moderate and manage the website currently. I for one know exactly where you are coming from, and will do the absolute most I can in my capacity to respond to you and encourage you and all the others who are coming here for answers and help. Again, I’m very sorry for the lack of communication.
Blessings!
July 19th, 2010 at 9:07 pm
Wow, thank you Chris. That actually
meant a lot. God’s been working on me a lot to have as much grace
with others as I would like them to have with me. I’ll def’ be
praying God give grace and patience to all while you guys search
for the right person for the job – and that He lead you to the
right person as well. Thank you, not only to you Chris, but to
everyone at Exodus as well. Honestly I didn’t know how my last
comment would be recieved, it is SUCH(!) a blessing to see how much
you guys really do care and want to help us. Thanks again guys!!!
God bless!
July 21st, 2010 at 12:14 pm
Its relieving to know that homosexuality isn’t my identity, or who
i am, but, rather, what i”m struggling with. I just found this
wedsite after feeling like junk for pornography. I’ve grown up in a
Christian home, and that makes expressing my problems very
uncomfortable. I’ve struggled with this for too long. I’ve never
fully given in, I’m physically and romantically attracted to
females, and i want to marry someday, but i also have behind the
closet attractions for guys. I feel like part of my problem is that
i never had any good relationships with guys. I mentally matured
way too early, so i found all my males classmates annoying. I
eventually hung out with only girls. I never played the “Manly”
sports, which where i went to school automatically meant you were
gay. I was always told by my classmates, that i was gay, and i
bought into their lies. I know now that God’s love is far greater,
and i want to make the change. In the words of Corrie ten-Boom,
“there is no pit so deep, that He is not deeper still.”
July 21st, 2010 at 4:25 pm
Hi change,
It’s so true what you are saying! Our identity is not in what we struggle with, who we are attracted to, or what people say about us. It’s in Christ. I’m glad you found this site. I hope you find some helpful information on here to encourage and equip you. Let us know if you need anything. Blessings!
August 28th, 2010 at 8:16 pm
Okay . Well i never really said everythinq i feel , i told my
parents a lot of thinqs but not EVERYTHING . But, im on here
because i need help and im tired of this struqqle and i already
seen two people qoinq threw what i qo threw, i need someone like
that to help me becuase i will know that they would understand me
when i say thinqs . But anyways, im a 16 year old kid that
struqqles with beinq qay . I qrew up around mostLy qirls barLey any
quys. i would find quys annoyinq all the time and what not .. i
played with barbie dolls played dress up with the qirls, even put a
shirt over my head for lonq hair .. Gods done ALOT for me since
then im more out of that feminine struqqle, but all of that stuff
kind of led to my struqqle today . Growinq up i remember always
thinkinq about quys the way i should probably think about qirls.. i
thouqht quys were cute and i asked my dad if it was normal becuase
i was only a kid i didnt know anythinq about life yet . ( By the
way , i qrew up in a christian home, my mom became saved when i was
5 and so i knew that bible and what it says about all this. ) But
my thouqht went from thinkinq quys was cute to lookinq at thinqs
online. i was 11 years old when i first seen qay porn, i looked at
it and stopped for a year . it seems like i stop for a while think
im doinq qood and the struqqle is FINALLY qone but temptation over
takes me and its so stronq . So i been lookinq at porn since 11 . i
like qirls i want to be with them i want to qrow up qet married and
have kids of my own REALLY bad. But i cant do it with this struqqle
in me. i always qot called qay in school and had people call me qay
, even a pastor said he thinks i am because of the way i ran ….?
he prayed over me and it hurt my feeLinqs. Back then thouqh qay
feeLinqs wasnt as stronqLy deveLoped. So last may, i decided to try
beinq bisexuaL and it was somethinq only i knew i told no one.! But
i didnt want someone beinq in my life seeinq my face and then
findinq out im a christian and then say oh thats how christians
live. so i qot someone off of online and we had a lonq distance
relationship. i fiqured that i was drawn to quys so i wanted to see
if it feLt riqht doinq what i “feLt” We had phone sex, and it was
HORRIBLE !!!! i didnt like one second of it, even thouqh my literaL
body miqht have liked it, my mind and haLf of my fLesh did not
enjoy it … i qot out that relationship and went back to beinq
straiqht that same week . i thouqht mabye that experience would
make me feel straiqht because i did somethinq and i didnt like it ,
it worked for a while but here i am aqain . i feel like im drawn to
quys sexualy like my flesh wants to be with a quy sexualy and be in
a relationship with him too .. my mind and my spirit say no and i
dont want to feel this way i dont know why i feel like this i dont
want to thouqh.. i had a qirlfriend 2 weeks aqo and i told her i
tried beinq bisexual almost 4 months aqo , and we broke up .. i
look at porn once in a while sometimes and my sinfuL nature side
wants to do whatever there doinq and experience it for myseLf but i
know its bad its horrible and i know God doesnt like it at all .
Everytime i look at porn i qet off and say to God ” Okay this is my
last time i cant do this anymore i CANT !!” And i feeL free for a
whiLe but then , temptation comes and its so stronq its like it
takes over me . The Devil knows what i struqqLe with and how stronq
a hold it has on me and hes after me becuase God has biq plans for
me , yes i know this.. but i pray aqainst it and i rebuke the demon
, i cast it back to hell…im waitinq to be free.. i feel so dirty
and i feel like God is startinq to not care that im here struqqlinq
with this.. i miss his presence and his love that i usto feel and i
miss feelinq somewhat normal because now i just dont feel normal i
feel like im livinq two lives, one: a straiqht christian life that
all my family and friends know, and two: a lifestyle drawn towards
quys and wantinq to be with them . UGH .!!! i dont know how else to
explain this, i dont know why im postinq this becuase most people
here are people thats been set free … im hopinq theres someone
here that qoes threw what i do thats been set free .. i just dont
want the devil to have his reiqn and i want a normal life,
sometimes i qet mad at myself becuase i let myself qet this far and
i wonder what its like to be straiqht without qay temptations ..
Anyways , i think thats all i have to say im sorry its so much i
just feLt like mabye God will brinq someone my way . God bLess you
all and your all in my prayers , this struqqle is real , its hard,
but i know there is HOPE ! : )
August 28th, 2010 at 8:41 pm
&Also like , i want to be with qirls , i like havinq a
qirlfriend , but idont want to kiss or make out or have sex nothinq
sexual .. i just want a relationship with her. if she came up to me
and tried to kiss or do somethinq like that then i would say no i
cant do this, if a quy were to come up to me and try and kiss me id
hesitate weather to say stop or juss let it qo . its crazy i hate
it … i want to be with a qirl and be drawn to her sexualy like
any normal boy .. but yeahh just had to add that too …..
August 30th, 2010 at 11:59 am
Hi CJamesC. I’m glad you found this website and are seeking help. I’m sure you’ve learned by now that you can’t do this on your own. You need support. I was in the same place you are now a few years ago. I learned through my own journey of healing that my focus couldn’t be on my same-sex attraction. I had to be completely focused on Christ. Discouragement in my predicament continued to keep me in that dark place. I finally came to a point of saying, God whatever you want. My focus began to turn from trying to suppress the feelings and try every thing to change me to Christ and what He said about me. The pressure was finally off when I began to rest in Him and His future for my life. Once I stopped trying to control and change me, He came in and began to provide me with the things I so desperately needed, like healthy male friendships. So, I would encourage you to let go so tightly of your life, and open your hands and your life to what Christ wants to do in it. If you continue to struggle with same-sex attraction don’t beat yourself up or get stressed out. It’s okay. Christ never told us that being Christian was going to be easy. I walked away from homosexuality seven years ago, and I still find myself struggling every now and then. But that doesn’t define me. I simply accept it for what it is…temptation. So don’t be discouraged. Live in Christ’s identity for you.
September 3rd, 2010 at 11:46 pm
Hey CJames, please take this to heart – read your Bible. I don’t do
it enough, I don’t think anyone does. Don’t beat yourself up if you
honestly can’t because of work, school or other legitmate things,
but please read your Bible. I’m still growing in disciplining
myself to reading it, but I would NOT HAVE LASTED THIS LONG without
reading it atleast once a day. The truth will save you because the
only truth in this world is Jesus Christ our Lord and savior.
Remember, hope means holding onto God. Grace means He’s holding you
too. God bless, and don’t give up! (read 1st John – and just ask
God to show you what He wants you to see)
October 26th, 2010 at 3:26 am
I absolutely 100% identify with cjamesc! I too am desperate to come
into contact with someone who has been where I am, and has been set
free from homosexuality. I’m don’t live a gay lifestyle, outside of
my mind anyways. Everyday, I am costantly bombarded with ss
thoughts and imagery. I get so frustrated with myself. I don’t want
to have these thoughts, but they have become an everyday routine
for me. I love God, and i hate to dishonor Him! But its the very
thing I find myself doing time and time again. What makes it worse
is, I have a beautiful, 2yr old daughter! Yes, I was a homosexual
but somehow put that aside for a season, and labeled myself
“straight” for a season. I have had a few girlfriends in my past,
but nothing serious. I was 16 when I got the news I was a dad. Its
a long story. Since iv been with jesus, he has shown me such
amazing love, and my life has been dramatically changed. But my
concern is for my daughter. She needs a father, a godly example to
follow. And i feel that i cant be that for her now. I too, struggle
with masterbation and not so frequent viewings of pornography. Like
cjamesc was saying, i can have a week or two of victory, or what
seems like victory, but when those temptations come, man they hit
hard and strong ! And i can quote this and that scripture and still
end up giving in. I hate it. Theres also a temptation to cut
afterwards in order to recieve pproper punishment. “Rare”. (Due to
my past of self destructive behaviour and heavy drug use.) I know
i. Am a new creation in christ, but even so, still struggling…any
help/comments? I also see that their are counciling services, but
am not really in a position to pay for it. Any free services..?