Struggling with Pornography? There’s hope…
Written by: HealingForTheSoul | October 16th, 2008
Are you struggling with pornography? Is this something you wish wasn’t in your life but you just can’t seem to conquer it? Well, you’re not alone.
Personally, I can relate with that feeling of being trapped. I’ve been there and I’ve found ways to get beyond that place of being trapped. With God’s help, there is hope for you, like there was hope for me.
There are a few key things to realize and steps to take…allow me share a few of these things that helped me and countless others.
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Realize that this is not just a spiritual issue. The bible says in I Thessalonians 5:23 “be sanctified body, mind and spirit.” So, it would have been a mistake to just keep praying about this or just reading my bible more or talking to my pastor. All of these were good things for me but I had to take a broader approach. Now, whenever temptation comes around, I start by asking myself “What am I feeling?” I do a quick self-assessment with the word HALTS. H.A.L.T.S., which stand for 9 things: hungry, angry lonely, tired, sick, sad, stressed, scared and shameful. These feelings and emotions are the undercurrents of lust and porn temptation.
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Have a plan. Once we’ve memorized HALTS and can identify what we are feeling deep down inside, we can choose to meet the valid need that the feeling represents instead of placating or trying to numb that need with lust and pornography. Try it-it works: pick out your most common trigger feelings from the list and create an action plan for yourself that goes something like this: “When I feel (blank), I need to (blank).” It could sound like this, for example: “When I feel lonely, I need to connect with a friend” or When I feel stressed, I need to do some extra exercise or deep breathing” or something like that. You just fill in the blank with something healthy that you know in advance will help you when things get tough. From there, it’s just a matter of practice.
- Cut Your Supply Line. I had to take the Bible seriously when it says “If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off; if your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out.” It’s not talking literally but about a “Radical amputation” of sin in our lives. We can help this in two ways: if you use the internet, for example, make sure you have a good content filter that also provides accountability reporting, not one or the other.
- Keep Your Life In The Light. Also, regardless of the form of porn you use, make sure your life is in the light with at least two other people who are committed enough to help you on a daily or at least weekly basis to fight the temptation. It’s preferable to find a group of people who struggle similarly rather than just depend on one “accountability partner.”
Remember, that you have to take positive steps to beat your porn addiction. With God’s help you can succeed. We were created with a body, mind and spirit so we need to care for ourselves in all three areas, especially when it comes to fighting the temptation of lust and pornography. And we can’t do it alone: no man is an island. So be smart and be brave and don’t forget: If thousands of people in recovery like me can live in victory with God’s help and the help of other warriors, so can you, my friend!
Need help? Let’s talk about it… post a comment and let us know how you’re doing.
17 Responses to “Struggling with Pornography? There’s hope…”
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November 7th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
actually you are right that if we triggered by our emotions we usually go to the nasty things that we used to it. and now honestly, i was trapped and still trapped to gay porn.
as i read your article, i realized that i need an accountability and people that will help me here.
May God give you more wisdom and knowledge so that you can write more articles that can touched and revived people’s live- most esp to the homos. thanks and God bless dude.
January 14th, 2009 at 5:56 am
the thing is that iv been addicted to porn for some time now, but it got to a point when it went dorment for a while then when it came back it came with a crash and now i just cant stop, i always keep praying to God to help, when i was searching the web for ways to quit i gotr onto shellellubbens website and it directed me here.
thanks a lot for the addice you have given, God richly bless you and increase your knowledge and wisdom to be able to elp others like your helping me
thanks
Gog bless
February 2nd, 2009 at 3:44 pm
im addicted to porn and i’ve been praying to God to help me overcome plz can u give me some help im right now upto the point of frustration plz help me quick i jus don’t know wat i’m doin im unable to share this to anyone
February 3rd, 2009 at 5:54 pm
Hello, Cheljoealex. I feel what you’re going through. I remember when I was struggling alone and in secret I battled an intense pornography addiction. I would arrive home and intending to research something for a class I would stumble upon a porn site. that porn site led to another which led to another and before I knew it the sun was coming up… I had spent the whole night looking at porn. I would then have to go back to school and pretend to be a happy shiney christian. I was living a double life and I was tortured inside. I’m not saying you live a double life like I did… but I am saying I understand being in the throws of a serious porn addiction. praying and praying to God that it go away but being drawn back in like a moth to a flame.
God revealed to me through various avenues that my addiction to pornography was linked primarily to a lack of relationships. sure, I could say I had “friends” but I lived a very detached life. and I learned that my pornography addiction was only going to be resolved in community. I had to take the scary step and unmask the happy, shiney christian persona I loved to wear and be real with people. I had to get accountability and admit I needed help. accountability for me not only involved sharing with close male friends when I looked at porn but also getting accountability software for my computer to stop me before I looked at porn. Some great software out there is HedgeBuilders and CovenantEyes as well as XXXwatch (a Free software provided by xxxchurch.com) Porn and Lust is a scary enemy. it seems unbeatable but thankfully it becomes surmountable when we have friends to walk with.
(funny thing is… when I shared my struggle, I found out my friends struggled too! we are not alone.)
BTW… I edited out your e-mail address, try not to post personal information on the site.
April 16th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
I have been addicted to porn for a while at least 4 years.I was molested by the guy who showed porn to me and since then I’ve been into gay porn.I hate that i am into it and I dont want to keep lookin at it but its so hard.I have a hard time handleing everything.I dont want to ask my guy friends for some help b/c i dont kno what they will think or say.Im not gay I jus look at gay porn and get aroused by it….does that make sense
April 28th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
carmanrhea,
It totally makes sense. And it is definitely hard to open up when you don’t know what someone’s reaction or response is going to be. Do you have a youth pastor you can start with? If there an older youth leader at your church you can tell? If you don’t have any of these options, you can email me and I ay have some other options for you.
Press on, soldier!
Jayson Graves
July 3rd, 2009 at 9:41 am
I realy realy need help!
Im 15 and have been addicted to porn for like 3 years, in my opinion its gone way too far now beacause "normal porn" is not enough anymore (hope u know what i mean).
I cannot afford any fancy internet filters, and i dont think its gonna work coz it means im keeping the password, and i cannot tell my parents, please i need help.
July 9th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Sappy,
I do know what you mean and have been there! The best kind of help in your situation is getting connected with others in either counseling or in a group that’s confidential and safe. I have some ideas for you if you’d like to shoot me a private email or call: or .
Meanwhile, some good information can be found at settingcaptivesfree.org.
Hope to connect with you soon,
Jayson Graves
July 10th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
You forgot the most important one, which is where you will find Jesus in you being the conqueror in that "I am more than a conqueror through Him who loves me." And that is…
#5 "Walk in the Spirit [of God] and you will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh."
The closer you are with God, the more your thoughts are filled with the Word of God, the more you think on God, the less desire you will have for any kind of sin.
In other words, by adopting God’s thoughts and ways (thinking and behaviour) you find yourself at a place where you are fulfilling all the lusts that you desire – which is none. "Yeah, I’m sinning all I want or desire to. I have no want or desire to sin."
July 10th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
carmenrhea said: "I’m not gay. I just look at gay porn and get aroused by it. Does that make sense?"
The Bible says when you sow to life you reap life and when you sow to corruption you reap corruption. In other words, the more you watch porn, the more you want to watch porn.
God design our spirit, soul and body in such a way that the principle of sow and reaping applies.
You sow the Word of God into your spirit by meditating (thinking on) the Word of God. Then you spirit will bring forth that Word of God into your life. Similarly if you meditate on (think on) porn, you are sowing that into your spirit. Then you spirit will work to bring that forth into your life.
Your spirit is like soil in that it has the ability to cause things to grow and develop.
This is God’s design because God’s design for you life is development. God’s design is development because development is dynamic and exciting.
Therefore, you should always be thinking about what you want to develop in your life that will bring excitement to you.
August 7th, 2009 at 11:52 pm
i praise you so much! I can tell God has done a wonder in your soul. I have been addicted to pornography for only a year. I hated every minute of it. Today i tried to stop the urge but i had to look at pictures, it was on my dads laptop…. i found out i got over 200 viruses on the computor. God has been telling me to stop, i have been ignoring him and people have noticed changes in me, my personality, the way i act around people, i wish i could have gotten myself out of it sooner. I have wrecked my life at such a young age and i’m so sorry for myself. Thanks so much i will be using your tips every time i get an urge but please all of you pray for me, not just that i won’t look at porn but for healing, of course all of you will be in my prayers.
God Bless All of You.
November 25th, 2009 at 1:06 am
I’m also struggling with this. Just like Frank, I’m living a double
life. Sometimes, I don’t even want to lead the praise and worship
at my church because my guilt is killing me. How can I lead the
people at my church to worship God, if I’m a sinner in disguise. I
often feel such a hypocrite. Sometimes, I feel so hopeless and
desperate because I’m battling this by myself. I’ve joined
Livinghope, and it’s an encouraging community. Unfortunately,
though, I still sometimes feel alone. In theory, I’m free, but in
reality, i’m enslaved by porn and masturbation. Please help.
December 28th, 2009 at 9:33 pm
I have a problem (maybe) that relates to this. I’ve recently told
my best friend and parents that I am struggling with SSA. I am now
going to a psychologist who told me about this website, just
recently. I completely understand why I am the way that I am, and
my parents could not be more supportive. I don’t look at porn
regularly, (in the past, it was more of a special occasion type
thing). So I only look at porn once every couple of weeks, maybe a
little more or less. I don’t really call that an addiction,
considering I can be pretty confident in saying that I can put it
to an end at any time, and recently, I have. My problem is that I
usually masturbate without porn, just visualizing fantasies. In
fact, I have the problem of thinking about my best friend when I do
(which is selfish, and I’ve read the article about avoiding lust
over your friends). I know that’s wrong, and I feel I am moving
away towards that. My main question is… It’s healthy for a guy to
masturbate and normal to do it regularly. If you don’t, your body
finds a way to “get it out” anyway. So how is it possible to
masturbate and to avoid these lusts towards SSA in my head? What
does God say about masturbation? How am I to properly do it? Thanks
February 11th, 2010 at 5:15 pm
Hey Iron Hammer, I just found this site today from a book I’ve been
reading. It’s called Every Young Man’s Battle it’s taken from the
point of a straight guy (for all but one chapter which is what led
me here) and it deals a lot with the Masturbation/Pornography
struggles or addictions. I would say to give it a read through and
maybe go through the workbook with your best friend or someone else
who you can trust since it relates to any guy that has and sort of
problem with masturbation or pornography or anywhere further down
the road in sexual sin. It mixes scripture on how God wants us to
be sexually pure but it mixes it with verses like Romans 8:35-39 in
which nothing will stop God from loving us. I haven’t finished it
yet but it has been helpful on ’starving the sumo (sex drive)’ as
it’s stated in the book. So far it’s been helping a lot and I think
anyone who has any masturbation or pornography struggles should try
out!
February 25th, 2010 at 11:24 am
Hi, Im severely struggling with my thoughts. I don’t want to date
men or kiss them which i find both completely gross. but i am
continuing to have sexual thoughts about men. About 4 months
ago i looked at pornography for the first time and i have been
struggling with it. I am a very good christian but my thoughts
about these things continuously get inthe way of god and my life.
if anyone can give me any advice that’d be great.
April 3rd, 2010 at 12:26 am
hi im new to this group i also have trouble with pornography. im not gay but i look at gay porn most of the time. i really need help. i told myself to stop and pray to god to help me stop but the urge is messing up my life at school. when im bored i think about porn when i get home after practice when everyones asleep i look at it. i told myself it stops today! im reading the bible more and doing more activities outside i keep having these dirty thought in my mind plz help
April 20th, 2010 at 10:01 pm
@Prov423 and @shauntonio
I can understand where both of you are coming from in your situations. Everyday I struggled with my thoughts because of how scarred I was from my own sinful activities. I have a best friend who has been my brother since 8th grade and I lusted over him for a long time. I told him about it after a while because it got me feeling so shameful and guilty everyday. I couldn’t even look at him because of how I felt. However, this is the same friend that helped me when I reached out for help on the issue with homosexuality for the first time. With time the lust stopped because I kept praying to God for strength, but at the same time I placed the situation in his hands. You cannot fight Satan through your own understanding and strength, but through God’s understanding and strength. This is a very tough battle to deal with, but as my friend always tells me it will all turn to dust one day and that the only thing in life that matters is the desire and passion to pursue and glorify God. I can tell you that it’s all the matter at beating Satan with an iron fist. Of course, get into the word, but also memorize scripture. Keep scripture with you at all times. Some great scriptures to look at are Romans 8, 1 Peter 1:13, Philippians 4:8, Isaiah 55:7-8, Ephesians 4: 22-24, Romans 12:2, Philippians 3: 13-14, Philippians 4:13, Isaiah 43:18-19, Romans 8:31, and Psalms 27: 1-3. Memorizing scripture and prayer are your two strongest weapons against Satan. Both you can beat this. I know you can. You guys need to surround yourself with people that will lift you up and encourage you to keep fighting. Also have fellowship with those that have that desire to pursue and glorify God. The bible say that you will know a person by their fruits. You want to be with people that produce good fruits. Of course do not mistake my words by thinking perfection because no one is perfect except God. Also have accountability partners. Have people that will hold you accountable for your actions. Do anything it takes to keep away from the porn even if it means a commitment in staying away from the computer. Also STAY AWAY from secular music and that includes Lady Gaga. I learned recently (the hard way) that music is a powerful thing and that Satan can and will use music to destroy your life. Fill your Mp3s or ipods with christian music. Also another great thing to do is to listen to audio sermons podcasts. Two of my favorite preachers are Paul Washer and John Piper. Just look them up on Itunes in the podcast section. When you are filled with carnal thoughts start praying and quoting scriptures that deal with having a pure thought life (refer to the ones from the list I gave ya’ll). Like I said you guys can beat this. DO NOT let Satan make you think that you can’t fight this because through Christ anything is possible even overcoming Homosexuality, porn, or even a dirty state of mind. I will pray for you guys that God gives you favor and that you will have the strength everyday to overcome your battles… get into the word and pray and be held accountable!! : )