One of the most important things to do when reaching out to gay or struggling students is to actually identify with them. To effectively reach someone with compassion, you should have at least a basic understanding of who you’re reaching out to. Missionaries typically spend some time learning about the cultures and customs of the people they are visiting in order to be better equipped in sharing and ministering to the people they are called to reach with the gospel of Christ. While there may be some differences between you and your peers, it’s important to get an understanding of where they are coming from. We all have different characteristics, personalities, perspectives, and even reactions to personal hurtful experiences. However, we all have one Savior who equally provides answers, hope, forgiveness, a way out, and a better life for all who are willing to make Him Lord of their lives.
Place yourself in the shoes of a gay-identified, or homosexually struggling peer. Imagine you grew up feeling different and alienated from your same-sex peers. You’ve struggled with feelings and attractions towards the same-sex for as long as you can remember. Out of shame or guilt, you’ve hidden it from your family, friends, church leaders, and the world around you. The last thing you want is for anyone to know your “secret” as you pray night after night for God to free you of this struggle. You wonder how this even happened and why, out of all the things you could struggle with, homosexuality has to be your struggle. You didn’t choose to have these attractions; they just developed and you feel like there is no way to make it all go away. These are the kinds of things that characterize a person’s life who is dealing with same sex feelings and attractions. Once you can get an idea of what they are going through, hopefully you are able to view them in a different light. They are no longer “sick” people who choose to have these feelings. They are dealing with temptations and sin. As Paul writes in Romans 7: 15, “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” We certainly can find commonality in that!
Homosexuality is no greater sin than any other sinful behaviors or “trivial” sins such as lying or gossiping. As the old saying goes, the ground is level at the foot of the Cross. Everyone is given the same opportunity at the foot of the Cross to receive forgiveness of our sinful behavior along with a new identity and strength to live a life free of the bondage of sin. Knowing this can help Christians, who may not struggle in this particular area of temptation or sin, relate to those who do.
Relating…It Can Happen
I’ve often heard from gay-identified students that Christians have no understanding of what it’s like to have these attractions and feelings. That certainly isn’t true! While you may not be able to relate to their specific struggle or attraction, you can definitely relate to their struggle with humanity and sinful nature. We can all relate to being tempted, falling short, and even giving up when the battle simply becomes too difficult. A majority of Christians have found themselves in bondage to one sin or another at some point in their lives. So relating to those with same-sex attractions isn’t impossible.
I remember joining a men’s sexual integrity group at my church a few years ago, thinking I wouldn’t find any help or healing through this group. Only one other guy and I were dealing with homosexuality. I thought “Surely, I couldn’t relate with the other guys in the group and they couldn’t relate to me.” But the longer I stayed in the group, the more I realized that I had made a false assumption about these guys. I never felt ostracized or judged when I talked about my struggle, because the other guys knew and understood that we were in this thing together. No matter what the particular attraction was, we were all dealing with sexual brokenness – lust, temptation, and habitual sins.
I learned through that great group of men that it is possible to relate to someone dealing with homosexuality even if you have never had a homosexual thought in your life. You see, those men realized we were dealing with the same struggles with temptation and sin, just in our own unique ways. Together we realized that this was merely Satan’s attempt at keeping us from experiencing true intimacy with Christ, embracing our true identity in Christ, and recognizing the righteous authority we’ve been give to live a life of freedom. A lot of my personal healing took place in this group, because I was able to see that not only could they relate to me, but I could also relate to them.
In reaching out, don’t allow a wall of unfamiliarity to divide you from peers who either struggle with or embrace homosexuality. You’re not that different! It’s important to realize and share your own shortcomings and struggles. This can help you meet them in and through your own brokenness. Be vulnerable about your own struggles, about difficulties you face or have faced, and how we all need a Savior to forgive us and help us daily fight temptations that aim to keep us from experiencing God’s best for our lives. Vulnerability breeds vulnerability and the more you open up and show authenticity, the more your gay-identified friend will open up. This will allow you the opportunity to speak into his or her life, understand how to pray for them, and hopefully witness God’s transforming power at work in all of our lives.
