By Brenna Kate Simonds

The recent suicides that are related to bullying have brought back some not-so-pleasant memories for me. I’m sure I’m not alone.  Coming out of the closet (or rather, being pushed out kicking and screaming) as a high school student in 1990-ish in small-town New Hampshire was not fun. I always joke that Ellen didn’t come out for another 7 years I was made fun of, harassed, threatened, and insulted.  I remember sitting in class and having a peer tell me that all gay people should be put on an island and blown up, as my teacher sat there and said nothing.  I spent many classes just putting my head down on my desk and crying. I remember once being harassed so severely that I got up and walked out of the class because the anxiety of sitting there, in that class, overwhelmed me.  I went to the principal’s office, as I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go.  He didn’t ask me if I needed anything, didn’t ask me why I left my class, didn’t send me to the guidance counselor even though I was visibly upset; he just told me I could sit in the waiting area until my next class.

The harassment wasn’t limited to school hours.  I would walk down the street and people would threaten me from their cars, yelling insults and screaming “Dyke”.  I also wasn’t just bullied because I was same-sex attracted; I was bullied because I was smart, because I dressed differently, because I was a “band fag” – the list went on and on. (keep reading…)

The news about the four young men who committed suicide recently has left many of us angry and saddened at the inexcusable loss of these individuals to bullying. I’m sure all of us know bullying is a constant occurrence in schools.  It’s something sadly unavoidable for many teens.  It breaks my heart to hear of lives cut short because of constant harassment from peers.  These tragic deaths should give us pause and make us think of what we can do to prevent this from happening again.

Whether a person is gay identified or is perceived as gay, no one deserves to be treated as objects of amusement or habitual verbal or physical harassment.  Every single person has value and worth in the eyes of our Creator.  Each breath is a gift from God and He treasures all those He brought into this world. With that knowledge and understanding, we must stand up for all individuals who are bullied and degraded. (keep reading…)

While you are preparing for Day of Truth and learning more about how to minister and effectively reach gay-identified peers, remember you have a resource much greater than any materials you read.  The Holy Spirit is always present and He goes before you in all endeavors.  Trust His leading and presence when you begin to share the message of freedom to your peers.  He can and will do far greater things than you alone can do!

Knowing the Holy Spirit is present and active when you share your stories, compassion, and the truth, can reduce any stress or fear you have.  This no longer is about what you can do.  Realizing the Holy Spirit is active allows you to step back and allow Him to move.  Sharing on the Day of Truth then becomes what the Holy Spirit can do in and through you.  You don’t have to change people.  You can trust the Lord to use the message of truth you share to impact your peers in His way and in His time.

There’s a familiar saying that I think is important to remember:  You must catch the fish first before you can clean it.  So many people think that homosexuals have to change before they step foot into church – Jesus never demonstrated that.  He never demanded the broken to change before coming to Him.  He knew their need – it was Christ, himself.  He invited them to come to Him and through that interaction He propelled change in their lives. That’s the way it is with our gay friends!  We bring them to Jesus, and then He sets the work of transformation in their lives in His own timing.

Our duty is to meet them right where they are, walk with them, and encourage them.  We can’t be the Holy Spirit in their lives.  But we can be friends who speak truth in love and trust Christ to do the healing work.  He’s the only one who can.  Believing the power of the Holy Spirit will greatly impact how you relate.  Knowing you don’t have to do it all on your own provides a huge relief.  You can allow the Holy Spirit to work and you will begin to see that He isn’t only changing your friend’s life, but you too are being changed in the process.

You’ll find that you aren’t the only one to be an impact in your friend’s life.  When I was in the early stages of walking free from a homosexual identity I didn’t think I could offer anything.  People could pour into me, but there wasn’t anything in me to pour out into others.  But as relationships grew and strengthened I found that my friend was being poured into as well.  We were both being blessed and changed through our friendship.  One friend even began to share his struggles more openly with another friend and me because I had been so vulnerable with my struggle with homosexuality.  So be open and willing to receive whatever the Lord has for you through any relationships that may come about.

We are all on a journey.  Some of us are just a few steps ahead of others.  Some actually have a heading, while others are still lost and wandering with no direction.  We, as Christians, have direction and we are to find the wanderers and point them to our heading – Christ. No matter if we are maturing Christians, new Christians, or ones that have not yet found Christ, God has some growing to do in all of us.  He’ll begin to transform your struggling, gay-identified friend, but don’t miss out on the change He wants to do in your life too!

Though it would be great to have a peaceful and civil Day of Truth event, many times that just isn’t the case.  You may well know that schools are becoming more and more biased when it comes to homosexual issues.  Homosexual propaganda is seeping into classroom lectures, and teachers and administrators alike are enforcing one-sided rhetoric.  By standing up for what you believe in and sharing the truth you will most likely experience some form of opposition.

I’ve heard countless stories from students who have participated in previous Day of Truth events that paint a rather harsh picture.  Students have been criticized and humiliated in front of their classmates by teachers – teachers who have fallen prey to pro-gay rhetoric and have lost understanding of what tolerance truly means.  Depending on your school atmosphere, you may very well experience the same kind of condemnation, anger, and judgment.  How will you handle the guards that may be thrown up to counteract your message, or the offensive attacks that may pop up when you participate? 

Experiencing pressure and personal attack because you want to dialogue and share your own beliefs on homosexuality can be discouraging and even scary.  It can be difficult to stand up for a belief that is constantly pounded by waves of skepticism, anger, and ideology that what you believe is a load of crock. (Read more)

One of the most important things to do when reaching out to gay or struggling students is to actually identify with them.  To effectively reach someone with compassion, you should have at least a basic understanding of who you’re reaching out to.  Missionaries typically spend some time learning about the cultures and customs of the people they are visiting in order to be better equipped in sharing and ministering to the people they are called to reach with the gospel of Christ.  While there may be some differences between you and your peers, it’s important to get an understanding of where they are coming from.  We all have different characteristics, personalities, perspectives, and even reactions to personal hurtful experiences.  However, we all have one Savior who equally provides answers, hope, forgiveness, a way out, and a better life for all who are willing to make Him Lord of their lives.

Place yourself in the shoes of a gay-identified, or homosexually struggling peer.  Imagine you grew up feeling different and alienated from your same-sex peers.  You’ve struggled with feelings and attractions towards the same-sex for as long as you can remember.  Out of shame or guilt, you’ve hidden it from your family, friends, church leaders, and the world around you.  The last thing you want is for anyone to know your “secret” as you pray night after night for God to free you of this struggle.  You wonder how this even happened and why, out of all the things you could struggle with, homosexuality has to be your struggle.  You didn’t choose to have these attractions; they just developed and you feel like there is no way to make it all go away.  These are the kinds of things that characterize a person’s life who is dealing with same sex feelings and attractions.  Once you can get an idea of what they are going through, hopefully you are able to view them in a different light.  They are no longer “sick” people who choose to have these feelings.  They are dealing with temptations and sin.  As Paul writes in Romans 7: 15, “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.”  We certainly can find commonality in that!

Homosexuality is no greater sin than any other sinful behaviors or “trivial” sins such as lying or gossiping.  As the old saying goes, the ground is level at the foot of the Cross.  Everyone is given the same opportunity at the foot of the Cross to receive forgiveness of our sinful behavior along with a new identity and strength to live a life free of the bondage of sin.  Knowing this can help Christians, who may not struggle in this particular area of temptation or sin, relate to those who do.

Relating…It Can Happen
I’ve often heard from gay-identified students that Christians have no understanding of what it’s like to have these attractions and feelings.   That certainly isn’t true!  While you may not be able to relate to their specific struggle or attraction, you can definitely relate to their struggle with humanity and sinful nature.  We can all relate to being tempted, falling short, and even giving up when the battle simply becomes too difficult.  A majority of Christians have found themselves in bondage to one sin or another at some point in their lives.  So relating to those with same-sex attractions isn’t impossible.

I remember joining a men’s sexual integrity group at my church a few years ago, thinking I wouldn’t find any help or healing through this group.  Only one other guy and I were dealing with homosexuality.  I thought “Surely, I couldn’t relate with the other guys in the group and they couldn’t relate to me.”  But the longer I stayed in the group, the more I realized that I had made a false assumption about these guys.  I never felt ostracized or judged when I talked about my struggle, because the other guys knew and understood that we were in this thing together.  No matter what the particular attraction was, we were all dealing with sexual brokenness – lust, temptation, and habitual sins.

I learned through that great group of men that it is possible to relate to someone dealing with homosexuality even if you have never had a homosexual thought in your life.  You see, those men realized we were dealing with the same struggles with temptation and sin, just in our own unique ways. Together we realized that this was merely Satan’s attempt at keeping us from experiencing true intimacy with Christ, embracing our true identity in Christ, and recognizing the righteous authority we’ve been give to live a life of freedom.   A lot of my personal healing took place in this group, because I was able to see that not only could they relate to me, but I could also relate to them.

In reaching out, don’t allow a wall of unfamiliarity to divide you from peers who either struggle with or embrace homosexuality.  You’re not that different!  It’s important to realize and share your own shortcomings and struggles.  This can help you meet them in and through your own brokenness.  Be vulnerable about your own struggles, about difficulties you face or have faced, and how we all need a Savior to forgive us and help us daily fight temptations that aim to keep us from experiencing God’s best for our lives.  Vulnerability breeds vulnerability and the more you open up and show authenticity, the more your gay-identified friend will open up.  This will allow you the opportunity to speak into his or her life, understand how to pray for them, and hopefully witness God’s transforming power at work in all of our lives.

Have you heard about the Day of Truth? You’ve probably seen announcements about it on the Exodus Youth website and perhaps in our . You may be wondering why is involved and if you are a student personally struggling with same-sex attractions you may think, “Why should I be involved in the Day of Truth?” If you’re feeling that your participation may not be very beneficial or necessary, that is far from the truth. We encourage you to be involved because you are a valuable and much needed asset to this event. Regardless of if you’re a student who secretly struggles or open about your struggle with same sex attractions, you have so much to offer. Your unique perspective and personal experience with homosexuality can be a much needed asset to helping other Day of Truth participants prepare for the conversations taking place at your school.

As an individual who is fighting same sex struggles and submitting this battle daily to Christ, you bring a different and much needed redemptive viewpoint to other DOT participants. They can learn a lot from your personal battle with this issue and gain a better understanding for those students they are actually trying to reach. You have rejected the world’s answer to homosexuality and are experiencing a new-found freedom through Jesus Christ. You are proof that there is another way! By participating in Day of Truth, you can be an advocate for other hurting and struggling students at your school.

Now, please don’t hear us saying that you should broadcast your battle with homosexuality to your whole school. This certainly may not be the time and place for that, but you don’t have to share your testimony in order to be effective. You can still be a great influence in helping bring understanding and compassion to this issue without divulging your own personal battle.

However, if you feel lead to share your story to the DOT participants and/or the student group you’re involved in, be bold in your freedom and share the redemption you’ve experienced through Christ. Be confident that you’re not alone and there are thousands of other students battling right alongside you all throughout the world. Your story can plant seeds of life into the hearts of the broken and help other Christians see the grace of God in a new and different way.

By participating in Day of Truth you can make a difference. Whether you feel lead to share your story or not, you can be an invaluable asset to other participants and the students they are reaching out to. Hopefully, the conversations will continue beyond this one day event and the Lord will use you to bring real answers and hope to a culture impacted by homosexuality.

Have you heard about the Day of Truth? You’ve probably seen announcements about it on the Exodus Youth website and perhaps in our . You may be wondering why is involved and if you are a student personally struggling with same-sex attractions you may think, “Why should I be involved in the Day of Truth?” If you’re feeling that your participation may not be very beneficial or necessary, that is far from the truth. We encourage you to be involved because you are a valuable and much needed asset to this event. Regardless of if you’re a student who secretly struggles or open about your struggle with same sex attractions, you have so much to offer. Your unique perspective and personal experience with homosexuality can be a much needed asset to helping other Day of Truth participants prepare for the conversations taking place at your school.

As an individual who is fighting same sex struggles and submitting this battle daily to Christ, you bring a different and much needed redemptive viewpoint to other DOT participants. They can learn a lot from your personal battle with this issue and gain a better understanding for those students they are actually trying to reach. You have rejected the world’s answer to homosexuality and are experiencing a new-found freedom through Jesus Christ. You are proof that there is another way! By participating in Day of Truth, you can be an advocate for other hurting and struggling students at your school.

Now, please don’t hear us saying that you should broadcast your battle with homosexuality to your whole school. This certainly may not be the time and place for that, but you don’t have to share your testimony in order to be effective. You can still be a great influence in helping bring understanding and compassion to this issue without divulging your own personal battle.

However, if you feel lead to share your story to the DOT participants and/or the student group you’re involved in, be bold in your freedom and share the redemption you’ve experienced through Christ. Be confident that you’re not alone and there are thousands of other students battling right alongside you all throughout the world. Your story can plant seeds of life into the hearts of the broken and help other Christians see the grace of God in a new and different way.

By participating in Day of Truth you can make a difference. Whether you feel lead to share your story or not, you can be an invaluable asset to other participants and the students they are reaching out to. Hopefully, the conversations will continue beyond this one day event and the Lord will use you to bring real answers and hope to a culture impacted by homosexuality.