exodus youth

By Brenna Kate Simonds

The recent suicides that are related to bullying have brought back some not-so-pleasant memories for me. I’m sure I’m not alone.  Coming out of the closet (or rather, being pushed out kicking and screaming) as a high school student in 1990-ish in small-town New Hampshire was not fun. I always joke that Ellen didn’t come out for another 7 years I was made fun of, harassed, threatened, and insulted.  I remember sitting in class and having a peer tell me that all gay people should be put on an island and blown up, as my teacher sat there and said nothing.  I spent many classes just putting my head down on my desk and crying. I remember once being harassed so severely that I got up and walked out of the class because the anxiety of sitting there, in that class, overwhelmed me.  I went to the principal’s office, as I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go.  He didn’t ask me if I needed anything, didn’t ask me why I left my class, didn’t send me to the guidance counselor even though I was visibly upset; he just told me I could sit in the waiting area until my next class.

The harassment wasn’t limited to school hours.  I would walk down the street and people would threaten me from their cars, yelling insults and screaming “Dyke”.  I also wasn’t just bullied because I was same-sex attracted; I was bullied because I was smart, because I dressed differently, because I was a “band fag” – the list went on and on.

I’m sad to say that the people who witnessed these events, including the teachers, principals, students and bystanders, all did nothing.  No one stood up for me.  I spent much of that time suicidal and depressed.

I never told my parents, specifically my dad, my custodial parent at the time.  It wasn’t that I had a bad relationship with him.  The threats started before I was out to him, but even after he knew about my sexuality and fully loved and accepted me, I still didn’t tell him.  Honestly, I didn’t even think to bring it up.

I didn’t come to know Jesus for another 6 years after high school.  Coming to know Him meant slowly learning (still) that I am fully loved, fully accepted, worth creating, worth loving and worth knowing.

What should our response be to all of this?  How can we empower our kids (and ourselves, for that matter) to know how to respond to bullying, whether toward them or another person?

We can start by teaching kids to stick up for themselves.  I’ve read in several places recently that we should not overvalue compliance or a blind respect for authority.  We can teach them to take risks and be problem solvers, to express their emotions, especially ones that are perceived as “negative” ones.

We also need our kids to know that we are here for them and if they are being bullied, we are a safe place to go.  Kids need to know we believe in them, and that they (and everyone else) have inherent value that is not based on anything they do or are.  They have worth because Jesus’ death on the cross declared that all people have worth.  Romans 5:6-8 drives this point home:

When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.

Just as important, though, is to stand up for those being bullied.  I read several studies that showed up to 70% of bullying ends when someone steps in & stands up for the target of the bullying.  So if you see someone being bullied, say something. Research tends to indicate that bullies are more likely to listen to a peer than an adult.  That said, adults: teachers, principals, parents – say something.  1 Thessalonians 5:14 says to encourage those who are timid, take tender care of those who are weak, and be patient with everyone.

There are a ton of scriptures in the Bible where Jesus stuck up for an underdog.  An obvious example is the parable of the Good Samaritan in Luke 10, but there is also the woman at the well (John 4), the woman caught in adultery (John 8), the women who anointed Jesus (Luke 7, Mark 14 & Matthew 27), Zacchaeus (Luke 19), and the list goes on.

If we are to love God with everything and to love our neighbor as ourselves, then we need to love as Jesus loved and act as Jesus acted.