exodus youth

Written by Randy Thomas

SALT LAKE CITY — As the number of suicides among lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender populations continues to increase across the nation, concern among the Utah LGBT community has begun to push the issue into the spotlight.

In July, Utah’s LGBT community lost at least three members to suicide, including a 28-year-old man whose death was mourned by more than 300 people during a candlelight vigil on the steps of the state Capitol.

Two other suicides of well-known members of the LGBT community, also gay men, have occurred in the past month. Though the problem is well known to LBGT advocates in Utah and nationwide, there are no statistics to back up its seriousness.

“This is a serious problem in general,” said Valerie Larabee, executive director of the Utah Pride Center, “and it’s a serious problem in Utah.”

Since 2006, Larabee has served on the Utah Suicide Prevention Council, which has identified the state’s LGBT community as a high-risk minority group for suicide.

Larabee said suicide is a common topic of discussion among support groups meeting at the Utah Pride Center.

“Over my 10 years here, every year we’ve had people (in the local LGBT community) who have killed themselves,” she said.

…

Personal

I was homeless for about three weeks when I was 19 and transient for the next 18 months.  It was the only time in my life I truly felt suicidal to the point of thinking it through.  No one knew, except God, how truly close to suicide I was.

I was homeless for those three weeks (living out of my car) because of being thrown out of the house for admitting I was gay.  It was God, sovereignly using a drag queen (named Tim), who intervened to inspire some hope.  Tim gave me a place to stay for a little while.  He told me about a God who would want to meet me at my point of need.  I will never forget his words. After welcoming and settling me into his home, in Jesus name, Tim ran out of the house (heels and all) to do a show.  He did so leaving me to weep over one of the best homecooked southern meals I’ve ever had in my life.  He cooked it just for me when he got the phone call saying I would be there that evening.

I hadn’t had a shower in a while but that didn’t stop Tim from giving me a genuine heartfelt hug I can remember to this day.

It was more than the food comforting me.  God sovereignly worked through a drag queen to reveal a part of Himself that I had never really known before … that God loved me in earthly practical ways.  I learned that when God looked at me, He did so with a current “right now” kind of love.  I know now that because God is loving, He wanted to help even though I would not “know” Him for another five years.  Now, this drag queen did eventually teach me a false version of the gospel that condoned sinful behavior instead of teaching the need for all of me (including my sexuality) to be redeemed. Regardless, I know God used Tim to give me a glimpse of hope and plant a seed of faith.

It should be a challenge to the church when a theologically incorrect drag queen acts more like Christ than we do.

That was over 20 years ago but I think the lesson can still be learned by many in the church today. In this age of grace we shouldn’t be throwing people out into the dark.  Instead we can intervene with life and love of Christ.  There is no shame or condemnation in the point being made here.  I am simply asking the reader to consider the actions of a sovereign God through a drag queen named Tim to help save a life.

Intervention

In my whole life, including the past 18 years as a Christian, I have only known of one suicide and helped with a few suicide interventions.  Of those, three were quite serious suicide interventions.  One was with a man in Texas who was struggling with many things including homosexuality.  That said, from what he shared with me, his struggle with homosexuality wasn’t the primary issue driving his suicidal thoughts.  Another was someone I did not personally know, it was a stranger on the phone in another state.  And another was with a man here in Florida who is a friend but had a substance abuse problem (did not struggle with homosexuality.)

The two people that I was face to face with, I actually drove directly to a local hospital.  The one hospital in Texas had a top notch suicide intervention unit.  In the Texas incident, we were both Christians and he looked at me while I was driving and said, “but they are pro-gay … they are going to tell me that I should just be gay.”  I replied by saying, “they are also supposed to put their professional training first and respect your self-determined spiritual beliefs.  They might disagree with you but they are also professionals and should respect your religious convictions.  It never hurts to hear opposing viewpoints but you have to learn how to deal with life first.”

I also shared, “I am not a professional counselor, I can’t figure out why you aren’t able to cope with life and thinking of suicide.  Whether it is emotional or something actually physiologically wrong (serotonin levels and whatnot) … I don’t have that expertise.  They can not only make sure you stay alive but will hopefully impart some means of being able to cope with life that isn’t in conflict with your beliefs.  As they say in recovery groups, take what you need and leave the rest.  God is bigger than all of this.”  He said, “But what if I come out ‘gay’?”  I said, “right now our first concern is that you come out alive. You must first focus on staying alive.  We can talk about the other issues, if you want, at a later date.  Regardless, I love you, God loves you SO much more, you can do this.”

And that is exactly what happened.  They were very helpful to him and helped him get past the crisis.  They only challenged him lightly on his religious convictions but helped to determine that there were other much larger issues he needed to work through.  He had another round of very serious problems but the last I heard (12? years later), he is no longer suicidal, strong in his faith and apparently doing well in life.

Conclusion

In the past, I have received some light (not much) criticism for my defense of secular helps in recovery and crisis.  I understand.  God is big enough and secular groups have negative effects too. That said, reflecting on the story that opened this post, I know God has gone to places the church refused to go to in order to help save my life.  I know God used this suicide intervention group to help my friend.  I know God is big enough to bring someone to a saving knowledge of Christ regardless of what the church or world does or does not do.  Sure, my preference is strong and godly Christian ministry and counselors … but if they aren’t around for whatever reason … I am not afraid to receive or refer to help from truly professional and not agenda driven secular sources.

Suicide should be studied and honest discussions on prevention should be had all across the board.  People who are truly struggling with suicidal thoughts are in crisis and trite answers or platitudes (from anyone on any side) is not enough or appropriate.

Please be aware of the duty to warn laws in your state (country), pray for those who are feeling suicidal and seek opportunities to help those who are in desperate inner turmoil with practical help and unconditional love.