What Does Science Say?
Written by: Frank Carrasco | April 9th, 2009
The headline in the July 16th, 1993 issue of the Wall Street Journal read “Research Points Towards Gay Gene.” It was a headline that ran in papers across the nation. This instance was speaking about a research study a scientist by the name of Dean Hamer had conducted where he suggested that based on his findings, Homosexuality may actually be an inborn trait rather than learned.
This was not the first study of its kind, neither would it be the last. For years, scientists have been trying to discover the etiology (or cause) of same gender attractions. Far from purely scientific the research has political consequences as well. Studies have shown that the public’s beliefs about the origins of sexual orientation are directly correlated to their attitude regarding homosexuality and serve to further political causes. As such a lot of the science has fallen into the hands of political Ideologies. But apart from the politics of science, what does the research actually say? Is homosexuality learned or innate? Furthermore, is change possible?
To begin, it’s important to clear up a common misunderstanding about the language used in research. Much of the research to date suggest that there may be a biological link to homosexuality. Many have mistakenly taken this to mean that people are born gay – but that is not necessarily what the research suggests. Many things have been found to have a biological link yet we consider within our control. In fact, Dr. Jeffrey Satinover in his book Homosexuality and the Politics of Truth makes the illustration that a person could be born with genes making him tall with great eye-hand coordination, but his genes alone did not make him a basketball player, in fact he had to train and be exposed to basketball before he could become a basketball player. The same kid could have easily devoted himself to academia and become a lawyer, his genes simply gave him the tools needed to become an accomplished basketball player… this is why many scientist are now choosing to say there might be a “pre-disposition” to homosexuality. The same way we can be predisposed to heart disease, smoking or basketball.(94)
As for actual studies that have been published, three in particular are held up by some as pointing to a ”gay gene.” Simon LeVay’s Hypothalamus study, Bailey and Pillard’s Twin studies as well as Dean Hamer’s Chromosome study of 1993. The studies made headlines when first published years ago making the case for innate homosexuality, and in fact headlines such as the Wall Street Journals which claimed “Research Points Towards Gay Gene” may lead the casual reader to believe a gay gene was found, but what did these studies actually find?
First lets look at the Dean Hammer study mentioned at the beginning. Newspapers claimed the study found a Gay Gene, but is it true? In this study, Hammer and his colleagues noticed that some gay identified men typically had gay identified uncles as well, but only on the mothers side. concluding that since women have (XX) Chromosomes while men have (XY) Chromosomes, Hammer and colleagues hypothesized that if there was a gay gene, it would likely be in the “X” Chromosomes since mothers can only pass on an X chromosome. After studying a group of families who fit their model of gay men with gay uncles of maternal lineage, a deviation was found in a portion of the X chromosome labeled Xq28. The Report concluded that if homosexuality was genetic, the cause could probably be found in the Xq28 region of the X chromosome. Though the study does raise some interesting questions, the population studied was too small to be of any statistical significance and the results of the Hammer study have not been able to be replicated. In fact as of June 25th 1995, Science magazine confirmed that Hammer was under investigation by the Office of Research Integrity at the Department of Health and Human Services for selectively reporting his data. In other words he reported only the data that would suggest homosexuality was innate.
Another famous study is that of Simon LeVay. In 1991, Levay studied the brain structures of deceased men attempting to see if there was any difference in the structures of heterosexual and homosexual men’s brains. What he found was that on average, the INAH-3 section of the Hypothalamus (a part of the brain widely believed to be involved in sexuality,) was smaller in gay identified men than in heterosexual men. Again, criticism of the study includes that the sample was too small to be of any statistical significance. Furthermore, the report stated that “on average” gay men’s hypothalamus was smaller… but in fact some gay men had larger INAH-3 sectors. Therefore, though “on average” these gay men had a smaller hypothalamus, it was not uniformally small and could not definatively be linked as the cause of homosexuality.
Furthermore, LeVay’s sample of heterosexual men was an assumed sample, in other words, he assumed the men in his heterosexual sample were indeed heterosexual though it could not be confirmed. What’s more, LeVay points out in his own book Queer Science: The Use and Abuse of Research into Homosexuality that “the observations were made on adults who had already been sexually active for a number of years. To make a really compelling case, one would have to show that these neuro-anatomical differences existed early in life – preferably at birth. Without such data, there is always at least the theoretical possibility that the structural differences are actually the result of differences in sexual behavior.” And admits that “another limitation arises because most of the gay men whose brains I studied died of AIDS.”(143-144)
The media repeatedly touted the LeVay studies as proof of a biological basis to homosexuality, but LeVay himself dismissed these claims saying in a 1994 issue of Discover magazine that “It’s important to stress what I didn’t find. I did not prove that homosexuality is genetic, or find a genetic cause for being gay. I didn’t show that gay men are born that way, the most common mistake people make in interpreting my work. Nor did I locate a gay center in the brain.”
Lastly a major study cited is Bailey and Pillard’s “Twin Studies.” The study was based on a very simple premise: If homosexuality is genetically determined, then Identical twins (which share Identical DNA) should both be gay. In 1991, the researchers released their findings which stated that 52% of Identical twins were both gay. Some argue that this would prove homosexuality is genetic since the concordance rate of both twins being gay is higher than the prevelancy of homosexuality in the general population, but other scientists argue that the findings in fact make a strong case that environment is key in developing homosexuality. They argue that if homosexuality was genetically determined (as opposed to influenced) it must reach close to a 100% concordance rate, much like twins having the same colored eyes (a trait which is genetically determined). However the research seems to indicate that homosexuality may be genetically influenced much like weight in identical twins which can vary due to environmental factors such as diet and exercise. Criticism of the study includes that the sample was self selected, meaning people volunteered knowing the purpose of the study, as such it can be expected that homosexual twins would have overwhelmingly volunteered as opposed to twins in general.
An interesting interpretation concerning twin studies comes from lesbian author and researcher Lisa Diamond in her latest book titled Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire in which she chronicles the natural shift of sexual identity in women over a ten year period. Concerning twin studies she writes: “When considering these heritability estimates, it is useful to compare them to heritability estimates that have been calculated for other complex behavioral traits. For example, twin studies have found that the heritability of smoking (a behavior that most people consider to be under conscious control and yet situationally influenced) is also around 60 percent. Similar estimates have been found for the heritability of marijuana and alcohol use. Even job satisfaction shows significant heritability, most likely because it is strongly related to personality, which yields heritability estimates ranging from 45 to 60 percent. We tend to trumpet biological effects when it comes to homosexuality, but I have yet to see the cover of Time or Newsweek display a newborn baby with the headline ‘Born unsatisfied with his job?’”(31-32)
Some more recent studies that shed a new light on the issue of sexuality include the one mentioned above, Lisa Diamond’s own research documenting the sexual fluidity she discovered in women. She demonstrated that women can not only to go from heterosexual to homosexual but from homosexual to heterosexual as well. She states that “The most unexpected finding was that five women actually gave up their lesbian or bisexual identities, and an additional five women started calling themselves heterosexual!…The women who started calling themselves heterosexual typically reported that their same-sex attractions simply were not strong enough to justify identifying as lesbian or bisexual. They were generally more interested in men and expected to end up with men down the line.” (63)
Also, recently published was another longitudinal (meaning long-term) study of Ex-Gays by Dr. Stanton Jones and Dr. Mark Yarhouse. In their book Ex-Gays? A Longitudinal Study of Religiously Mediated Change in Sexual Orientation, Drs Jones and Yarhouse conclude after following former homosexuals involved in Exodus ministries that “We believe we have provided evidence that change of homosexual orientation may be possible through involvement in Exodus ministries. The change may take the form of a reduction in homosexual attraction and behavioral chastity; it may also take the form of a reduction in homosexual attraction and an increase in heterosexual attraction with what might be described as satisfactory heterosexual adjustment.” They add that they also found little evidence that trying to change ones sexual orientation would be harmful and in fact found that in some cases, it reduced anxiety and stress in some individuals. (387)
Perhaps the greatest shock to the mental health community came in 2001 when Dr. Robert Spitzer of Columbia University published his study on the efficacy of efforts to change one’s sexual orientation. The upset came in that Spitzer has long been known to be a friend of the gay community, and was instrumental in removing homosexuality from the list of mental disorders from the Diagnostics and Statistics Manual (DSM), the manual by which mental health professionals diagnose and treat mental illnesses. After extensive study, the skeptical Spitzer published his findings in the Archives of Sexual Behavior in 2001 concluding that sexual orientation can successfully be changed.
So are people born gay? Studies suggest that sexual orientation is an inter-play of both genetic and environmental factors. Genetics being able to predispose a person to homosexuality, but still relying on intricate environmental factors such as upbringing and social interaction to fully develop what some call the “homosexual potential.” Much like obesity has been discovered to have a genetic link, its understood that a person’s weight is ultimately dependent on environmental factors like diet and exercise.
Is change possible? Recent studies as well as first hand accounts confirm that sexuality is fluid and can indeed change whether through therapy or coincidentally over time. Researchers are careful not to claim that everyone can change their sexual orientation. Such absolute statements are as irresponsible as statements saying “people are born gay.” Researchers Yarhouse and Jones write that “some respondents experienced significant, meaningful change of sexual orientation in this sample, but we did not find that everyone (or anyone) can change. The fact that some human beings can break the four-minute mile barrier establishes that running a four-minute mile is not impossible, but that same fact does not establish that anyone (every human being) can break the four-minute mile barrier. So also our findings firmly refute any notion that change of sexual orientation is impossible.”(372)
In the end, I like the way psychologist John Money put it. He compared sexuality to the development of language. He argued that a person is not born speaking English. And nothing in their genetics made them learn English rather than Swahili. Rather, the fact that a person learned English depended on their native culture. It has been shown that brains are innately predisposed to assimilate a language, whatever language that may be. Once it is aquired, the language becomes so natural to us that it’s as if we were born with it. Yet no matter how natural our native tongue may be, we know we are not born speaking English. In like manner, no matter how natural our same gender attractions may seem, let us not confuse that to mean that we were born gay.
13 Responses to “What Does Science Say?”
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May 13th, 2009 at 12:37 am
This article is truly informative, but I don’t seem to get the point of therapy. I love God and will continue to do so throughout my struggle with homosexuality. The problem I see, though, is what’s the point of changing? I read Frank’s comment on another article, and it basically said that he still struggles with homosexuality despite what he’s been through. How am I supposed to know he isn’t just deluding himself into thinking he’s "changed?"
I mean if God truly wanted us to change, why doesn’t he take these struggles completely away from us? We still have other struggles in our life, homosexuality is just another one that seems impossible to overcome.
May 13th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Hello,
Thanks for reading up. lets not make the mistake of interpreting my struggle with homosexuality to mean that I am gay. The truth of the matter that is often overlooked is that though I struggle to this day, the struggle is nothing like it was five years ago… so there is a forward progression. I struggled with the same question you are asking, namely what is the point of “changing” if the struggle is still there, and more importantly if God wanted me to change, He would heal me miraculously.
I’ll address the latter one first. I remember coming to my support group the first couple of weeks with a simple argument from the Bible. I argued that in Leviticus the Bible makes clear that homosexuality is a sin, and in the new testament we see Jesus healing lepers, cripples and the blind. So why didn’t he heal me? the question is valid enough, but I realized the question was born out of a wrong assumption about God. He was not my cosmic concierge who exist to solve my problems and grant my wishes. You said it very well when you said we all still have other struggles… homosexuality is just another struggle.
I know you said that last statement with an air of hopelessness, but I want to encourage you in that it really isnt hopeless. this struggle is not greater than any other, and you struggling with this doesnt make you any more of a sinner than the man struggling with heterosexual temptation. whether we struggle with heterosexual or homosexual lust, we are both striving for the same goal. The bible makes is clear that the intent of sexuality is to be shared within the confines of marriage between one man and one woman. we both struggle to live up to that standard.
We see in 2nd Corinthians chapter 12 that the apostle Paul says:
“To keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of satan to harass me. But God said to me ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. for when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2nd Cor 12:7-10
In like matter, I spent years praying that God would take this away and yet it stayed. through this I’ve learned that “what satan has meant for evil, God has turned for good.” in that it has taught me to lean on God and trust in Him. Ive learned to trust in His strength and not my own. What I’ve learned is that God care much more about my character than my comfort. I will always be tempted by one thing or anther, why should God prefer that I struggle with heterosexual lust rather than homosexual? Ultimately what He cares about is that I submit to Him in all things.
But again, lets not assume that the fact that I still struggle with homosexuality means no change has occurred. My struggle is nothing like it used to be. there is real hope. I have known some people who have had serious struggles with alcoholism. in conversations they admit that sometimes they long for a beer or the camaraderie they used to find in the bars. however, they havent had a drink for years. they have overcome. The jews themselves while in the desert on their way to the promised land, complained that Egypt was better (though in reality, they were slaves!) In like manner, we all struggle with looking back and sometimes longing for the old life, though when were in the thick of it… we realize its not pleasing in the least.
May 18th, 2009 at 11:00 pm
Very well said, Frank. However:
I’m still not sold on the whole "change" thing. Let’s look at how left-handed people were treated by the church and society, for example. They were condemned and rejected from society, until people just stopped caring that they were left handed, since they couldn’t help it. Many of them tried to "change" too, but most of the time the people who changed went back to their dominant hand because it was natural to them. Even to this day, no one knows what causes someone to be right or left handed, but many believe it to be a mix of genetics and environment (just like homosexuality). Just becasuse it’s not inborn doesn’t mean it can change. If someone is burned, that scar will be with them forever, but they weren’t born with that scar. How is homosexuality any different?
While the science theory does offer hope, it offers despair as well. So homosexuality is not totally genetic; what hope does that offer to one who desires to change? As much as I’d like to believe some can overcome and change their sexual desires, I really don’t see how it’s any different from being left handed. Sure, you can find your special someone and live in accordance with God, but the desires will still be there. I don’t think that’s fair to pursue or marry someone who will probably never be able to satisfy your deepest desires.
Also, you say that you still struggle with homosexual desires, yet you are not gay. What do you consider yourself then? Straight? Bisexual? I’m not trying to ridicule you, I just don’t seem to understand how someone who is still attracted (albeit unwantedly) to men to consider themselves not gay.
May 19th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
I like your analogy about being left handed. I took a class once on Psychology of Sexuality where my professor made the same connection. He believed that sexuality was fluid and could be changed to some extent in the same way a left handed person can stop writing with their left hand and begin using their right hand. But he asked why change? and therein lies the rub!
some may not seek this. Thats alright. But their are countless others out there who don’t wish this for their lives. how many countless stories of gay youth are told that contain phrases like: “I never wanted this!” or “This isnt something I would choose.” there are many out there who dont want homosexuality but accept it and begin to partake in a behavior they dont want because they are told they have no choice… they were born this way.
As far as the analogy of being left, it falls short in that being left handed has never been a sin. Its just a sad case study in how cultures tend to demonize those that are different. The closest the Bible comes to condemning left-handedness comes from Ecclesiastes 10:2 which says “a wise man’s heart is in his right hand, while a fool’s is in his left” that has more to do with ascribing honor to something (such as Jesus sitting at the right hand of the father) than it has to do with how you write. Homosexuality however is mentioned sporadically through the Bible and is specifically called sin. therefore, the historical treatment of the left-handed cannot be compared with the Church’s stance on homosexuality. One is clearly called sin while the other is not.
I understand also your analogy of a burn, and I agree with you in so much as one is not born with a burn scar, and one may bear the scar for life… but if we want to change the conversation to one that empowers the person struggling with homosexuality, perhaps we should stay away from analogies dealing with scars, deformities or birth defects (not talking about the lefties!)
I also disagree with the notion that my wife wont satisfy me. I believe in our culture today we often miss out on the fact that pure sexuality is a physical extenuation of something that is going on in the heart. we’ve reduced it to simply the touching of skin, but its much deeper than that. Homosexuality for me was purely physical. I had no interest in men romantically. there was a detachment. It wasnt placed there by society, and its not internalized homophobia. If I was homophobic I wouldnt speak openly about my bouts with homosexuality. In fact, my family is very accepting of homosexuality and I go to a very open school that even boasts having a gay fraternity. Its just not something I wanted. I even write this with a tinge of sadness because I wish people would understand that on the whole it just wasnt for me. I was unhappy.
as for how I myself identify sexually, I would say I’m straight. Not because of some deluded denial of my attractions, but because I am not my struggle. I seek relationships with only women and plan to get married one day and have kids. my behavior is heterosexual. and again, I want to reiterate that though I say I struggle with homosexuality, that is not to say change has not taken place. I am not the same person I was 5 years ago, and perhaps wont be the same person 5 years from now. I can consider myself straight in spite of lingering attraction the same was the man who struggles with alcohol can sometimes crave a beer but that doesnt make him a drunk. or perhaps the misunderstanding comes in the word struggle… its not like im white-knuckling it… the temptation is hardly anything most days. ive just learned to live so far beyond the identity of “gay” that it almost seems foreign to me.
I wonder… If I used to sleep around (heterosexually) I would be considered promiscuous. however, if five years later I had changed my view of sexuality, devoted myself to one woman in marriage and been faithful would I still be considered promiscuous if I found myself attracted to other women? I think not. perhaps our labels are wrong, perhaps the danger comes in making “gay” an identity rather than a behavior. perhaps we all would be more free if we didnt cling so tightly to labels of “gay” or “straight”
June 10th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
Wow well said. One thing that stood out for me was: "..as for how I myself identify sexually, I would say I’m straight. Not because of some deluded denial of my attractions, but because I am not my struggle." I never realized how much I was defining who I was based on what I struggle with.
Another idea that helps me understand things a lot better is – just because someone may sometimes think a certain way or crave certain things (e.g. alcohol), those things do not label who the person is (e.g. an alcoholic). In the same way, just because I struggle with homosexual thoughts, I should not label myself as gay.
Thanks so much for this!
July 16th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
Frank, I’m not buying it. If you still have lingering attractions to men, how do you consider yourself straight? That’s like a white person saying they’re black, even though they’re clearly white.
Do you have any type of attraction to women? If you do, then you’re bisexual. Homosexuality may be a struggle, but deluding yourself into thinking you’re straight is just as much of a struggle.
There is also a flaw in your argument about alcoholics resisting alcohol. Alcoholics turned to alcohol on their own terms. They weren’t born with a desire to drink alcohol. Likewise, homosexuals have had a struggle with same sex attractions for as long as they can remember. Even if they don’t act on the desires, they will still be there.
Honestly, why would anyone wish to be homosexual? It’s nothing but trouble. However, if you all constantly state there’s a way out of this lifestyle but there’s really not, you all are causing just as much trouble.
July 21st, 2009 at 7:13 pm
Thats ok, I share my story to be an encouragement to others. You can take it or leave it.
But here is the thing. when we compare sexuality with race we are really comparing apples and oranges. Skin color is genetically determined while sexuality is genetically influenced.
You make a good point. no one would want to be a homosexual. I think we can both agree that homosexuality is not particularly desirable. however, its my story as well as many others I know that change is possible. there was a time when I lost all attraction to women, and now I have found attractions to women. (though that really isn’t the goal)
It used to be that people said “oh you’re gay” now, people accuse me of being bisexual. one day I suspect people will say I was never really gay to begin with. Its funny how we try to squeeze the facts that dont line up with our beliefs into little boxes?
lets try to understand each other rather than try to dismiss each other. If we can look at the analogy of alcohol and homosexuality its not to demonize the community but to compare two life dominating issues. and to make the point that just because someone who has been addicted to alcohol may still sometimes desire a beer, doesnt mean he’s a drunk. In like manner, being attracted to someone of the same sex should not define you as a homosexual.
There is a freedom from alcoholism that many alcoholics never thought possible. They may have lingering thoughts, but they aren’t being held prisoner by the desire. they are free to say no. In like manner, the desires are nothing like they used to be. whereas before I was salivating over other men… now sometimes i dont notice, and when I do its a passing attraction.
I am not held captive by same gender attractions, I live beyond it.
perhaps this isn’t what you’re looking for. perhaps you’re completely ok with same gender attractions. if so, then this isn’t for you. This is for those unsatisfied with the status quo. This is for those who are asking “there’s gotta be more to life than this!” this is for those wanting a life outside of homosexuality.
July 28th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Hi Frank.
I have been reading about this subject, and all the comments about it. Well, i realized that you still struggling with homosexuality.
Im quoting:
"..someone who has been addicted to alcohol may still sometimes desire a beer, doesnt mean he’s a drunk…"
Thats true, but for homosexuality doesnt. Cause the real definition of homosexuality is a man who is atracted to men (same way woman). The homosexualism its a issue of the mind, not the acts.
So i think that for definition, you still gay. If you dont like that desires doesnt fit in the definition of homosexual.
You also say:
"I think we can both agree that homosexuality is not particularly desirable"
Why the most people doesnt like these desires? Its because the religious statements, the discrimination, the prejuices, and that kind of things.
Otherones doesnt like them cause they will cant have children, or something else. But not the most.
It is expected that the most people doesnt like to be homosexuals, because the society, not because its undesirable in itself. (Like the illness)
And a last question:
Is there a heterosexual gene?
If we show that "gay- gene" doesnt exist, doesnt mean that hetero-gene does.
And… if there is no hetero-gene… then… we have nothing to say that homosexuals can change their orientation. And if we do, we accept that straiths can become gay.
August 6th, 2009 at 3:55 am
You all profess to have love for the homosexual community, yet you say the opposite of homosexuality is holiness? That’s basically saying homosexuals are sinful, corrupted, and unholy, which is definitely not the case. There are plenty of homosexuals who try to maintain faith, but are pushed away due to statements like "heterosexuality isn’t the goal, holiness is." Maybe that sentence is used due to the extremely high rate of relapse after leaving therapy? Who knows..
I don’t think the former poster was trying to dismiss you, but he does have a good point. Homosexuality isn’t just about behavior and who you try to pursue. Attractions and desire are eminent as well. Regardless of how much you are attracted to women, you have stated various times that you still have an unwanted attraction to men..So yes, at best you are bisexual. Just because you don’t pursue a relationship with a man does not mean you aren’t gay. Many of us here have refrained from acting out with the same sex, yet I’m sure most of us know that we’re gay. What makes you any different?
You wrote, "lets try to understand each other rather than try to dismiss each other. If we can look at the analogy of alcohol and homosexuality its not to demonize the community but to compare two life dominating issues. and to make the point that just because someone who has been addicted to alcohol may still sometimes desire a beer, doesnt mean he’s a drunk. In like manner, being attracted to someone of the same sex should not define you as a homosexual."
There are a lot of things in life that are "not particularly desirable" such as getting cancer, getting paralyzed, becoming blind, etc. With these non-desirable traits, there have been instances where the cancer has miraculously disappeared, the crippled could walk again, the blind could see, but this isn’t the case for everyone. Likewise, it’s pretty clear all homosexuals can’t change. Just because YOU can change (if you even truly changed) does not mean everyone can.
Also, the alcohol analogy doesn’t really hold well here. Alcoholics weren’t always tempted with thoughts of drinking for as long as they remember. Usually, they gave into peer pressure and liked it, and couldn’t control themselves. Homosexuality is totally different. Some of us may never act out, but the desires are still there. They’ve been there for as long as we can remember. We didn’t want to be like this (just like an alcoholic, cancer-infected person, a crippled, etc wouldn’t want to be like this). It just happened.
"perhaps this isn’t what you’re looking for. perhaps you’re completely ok with same gender attractions. if so, then this isn’t for you. This is for those unsatisfied with the status quo. This is for those who are asking “there’s gotta be more to life than this!” this is for those wanting a life outside of homosexuality."
Honestly, I’d be suprised if gay people were okay with same gender attractions. They really can’t help it. If homosexuals could truly "change," why are countless homosexuals kicked out of their houses, bullied, used, abused, ridiculed, and even murdered over something they can’t help? I highly doubt they’re "looking for attention" as many gays are still in the closet. I also highly doubt they live like this on purpose. Homosexuality is not a choice, and if it could be changed I’m sure the people who are affected by these crimes would be the first in line to change. The truth of the matter is that change isn’t possible for everyone (if it’s possible at all), even if they truly want to change.
August 11th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
This is a very good point you bring up! I doubt that many people who find themselves attracted to the same sex want it to be that way. In fact, how many times do we hear statements like “I didn’t choose this!” or “do you think I want to be this way?” when listening to someone share their coming out story? Its very common because most find it undesireable.
Its sad that ignorance still abounds in so much as gay identified men and women face abandonment and hostility from the world around them. I think we can both stand against that. But the fact still remains that it is undesireable for most.
If you read my story, I talk about a girl called Jenny whom I first came out to. I had already accepted the gay identity and was starting to tell people. She didn’t judge me, she simply asked: “Do you want to be gay?” I flipped out on her and said “of course not Jenny! do you think I want this? you think I chose this? but I tried everything, this is who I am!”
Actually, I didn’t try everything. What I had tried in the past was pretending I didn’t struggle and trying to push it down and ignore it. That doesn’t work.
Let me share a little story:
Just a couple of years ago, I ran into an old childhood friend of mine. She was my best friend. we ate lunch together every day, we had the same classes in middle school, liked the same music, she was a christian and I was only then learning about Christ… when it was time to go to highschool, we went to two different schools, I was torn apart.
seven years later I see her and we strike up a conversation. I tell her that I started attending a church that she had reccomended me to in middle school, and she expressed that she wasn’t a christian anymore. we shared life experiences and it was funny how much we had in common. we went to the same summer camps (though at differnt times) were both leaders in Bible club in our respective highschools, we were known as “the christian” on campus and we both struggled intensely with homosexuality.
what was most stunning to me was that we both lived such similar lives (parallel almost) and yet we were in two different places. She was a lesbian and forsook her faith whereas I was still ardent in my faith and was not identifying as gay. the difference was that I was given a choice and she was not. after much struggle, I came out and my friend gave me a choice: “Do you want to be gay? no? heres where you can get help” whereas she came out after much stuggle and was either met with rejection by peers, or affirmation of a life she didn’t necessarily want.
I am not as close to this girl as I was back in middle school. Time, Space and Circumstances are different now and friendship hasn’t been like it used to. I can’t see into her heart as well as perhaps I once could. she did confess she isn’t particularly happy as a lesbian but doesnt believe change is possible. I wonder if she was given a choice if she would have lived a happier life? It’s not an easy walk out of homosexuality, but its possible. many people are trapped in a life and an identity they want no part in simply because its not politically correct to suggest that change is possible.
you suggest that if change is possible, gays and lesbians would be lining up for change. I will tell you, I recently came from a conference where I got to meet hundreds of people from all over the world, one guy even from the netherlands! who are walking out of homosexuality. People do want freedom, but the fact remains that many people dont actually know freedom is possible. we are told homosexuality is innate and unchangeable by popular media, when that is not the whole truth. If people only knew… perhaps there would be more out there living lives in freedom. but we cannot grasp for that which we dont know exists.
October 19th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
Mr. Carrasco, I am in agreement with you articles. Through my many
experiences living with, socializing with, and working for
homosexual individuals, I have seen many sad sides of living the
homosexual lifestyle. I believe God can make changes in any persons
life in HIS time. I am not sure how, as a parent how to have the
patience and discernment in the mean time. Do you let your son
continue this behavior, because he does not know if he wants to
change, because he also believes he was born this way. Where do we
start as a family to educate ourselves as to what God’s will is for
our family in this regard. I don’t want to push him away, I know he
he is aware of what the Bible says in regards to homosexuality. I
believe he would change his thinking if he and our family knew
where to find freedom from this heart breaking trial we are in.
January 1st, 2010 at 12:21 am
Homosexuality and whether we are born with it or not, is a side
issue. The real issue lies with our own personal relationship with
God. Do we love God enough to fight and resist our entires lives if
need be, or do we simply give up and give in to the greatest
temptation we have ever known? Only a deep and personal walk with
Christ will sustain you to walk in purity and Holiness. Slaves did
not choose to be born that way, and yet Christ commands them to
honor their masters and treat them well, because in so doing, they
are honoring God. So the same lies with us. Even if we were born
this way, it doesnt matter. Christ still says its sin, and we have
a choice to make just like those slaves. The choice is whether we
want to obey Christ, or obey our own lusts and desires. This my
friends, is what it is to be crucified with Christ, and to take up
our cross daily. We honor God with a pleasing sacrifice when we
resist our Same sex attraction urges. When we choose not to act in
homosexual ways, we honor and bless God. Jesus died for me and I
don’t know about you, but I want to please Him with all of my
heart. If that means I have to struggle with this for the rest of
my life, so be it. Then I consider this an opportunity to honor God
in some small way and thank Him, for His sacrifice for me by
resisiting this temptation. As God said to Paul, “My grace is
sufficient for thee.” So the same is being said to us when we
choose to fully trust in the strength of God. We will make
mistakes, we will sin, but our lives will be defined by our
resistance to the struggle of sin, not by our letting it rule us.
Born with it or not, I don’t care. I love my Jesus, and I’m going
to serve him no matter how difficult it may be. And those days when
my strangth fails, may the Lord’s face shine on me and save me. God
bless you. God’s love be with each of you.
September 2nd, 2010 at 3:27 pm
I have a question for anyone who reads this and I really hope for a
response. I am currently a Christian and in a same-sex
relationship. I was raised in a very religious home and when my
parents found out they flipped. They threaten to stop supporting me
and told me that I was condemned. This completely ruined our
relationship until recently when we opened up the conversation
again. My mom expressed wanting us to be honest again and not
having a fake relationships. Since then I have been reinspired to
find the truth of homosexuality being a sin. I am not asking for
responses just spitting Bible verses at me. I am asking for studied
responses. I am looking into the context of these verses and have
not found it to be conclusive. Frank, or others out there what have
you found to be truth. Also does any have any good resources just
about the history and the translation of the Bible. So many people
think it’s so clear, but I do not. Also, please do not tell me that
if I love God enough I’ll just follow His Word.. I love God and
have a deep personal relationship which is why I am attempting to
understand His truth for my life.