What can I do to make a gay person change?
Written by: Mike | January 3rd, 2008People only change when they decide to for themselves; you cannot force anyone to make a change they don’t want to. Still, you can definitely be a support to Christians seeking a way out of homosexuality or lesbianism.
First, you can pray for an unsaved homosexual person and share the gospel with them. If you are relating with a Christian struggling with this issue, you can pray for them, too. Pray God will give them the courage and perseverance to achieve sexual abstinence. Sexual activity usually covers deep wounds. Once activity stops, the “pain-killer” of sex wears off and underlying emotional pain can surface. Be there to listen and support them in this process.
Pray God will help them see and find biblical resolution to underlying issues that led to a homosexual orientation. Learn what you can about these problems, and find someone with expertise that can counsel your friend. Pray the Lord will help them re-connect with His original design and purpose for them as a man or woman. If you are the same gender as your friend, you can play a tremendous part in his or her healing just by being a role-model of what a godly man or godly woman is like. That means being vulnerable about your weaknesses, aggressively pursuing personal maturity, and above all, seeking to grow in your relationship with Jesus Christ.
Don’t discount your ability to help someone leave homosexuality and into all that God plans for their lives. Be a friend: encourage, confront, listen, share. Go side-by-side with them through the challenging adventure ahead.
7 Responses to “What can I do to make a gay person change?”
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February 25th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
Dont pray dont do anything. Let them be them unless they want to change then leave them alone.
Personally id leave them alone as for the fact that you shouldnt judge people because no ones perfect.
just because the bible says that its wrong dosent actually mean that there is. Plus the bible only says stuff about gay men not women.
Im trying to put things nicely without affending any one as my first comment was fount unsutable.
It dosent matter if your white, black, yello or green with purple spots. you are you and you shouldnt try and change you otherwise you may end up leading a very unhealthy life that will cause you alot of missurie and thats not good for any body because as god says "one deserves a chance of hapiness"
February 26th, 2009 at 10:12 am
I tend to agree with much of your sentiments Sawah. If someone is ok with being gay, you should just let them be. But lets not confuse accepting homosexuality with loving the person. If we truly love a person, we will disagree with behavior that we think is destructive. Parents and friends want the best for their loved ones, and sometimes they dont believe homosexuality to fall under “best.” but if their loved one is ok with being gay, there is nothing that can be done. but lets never forget that this concern is motivated by love not hate.
I mentioned before that Romans chapter one makes a reference to lesbianism so the Bible does address the issue of homosexuality in women. But even if it didnt, we know it would still be wrong because of the prohibition set forth for men.
I do want to dispel the popular misconception that seeking change is detrimental to your psyche. When we are able to live our lives in line with our personal beliefs and worldview, it serves only to make us healthier. this is called congruence. for some of us, homosexuality does not line up with what we believe about ourselves, and in this case living a life we are unhappy in would be the dangerous thing. We believe people should be free to live the life they want, whether it be to accept homosexuality or to live beyond it. This website promotes tolerance of both choices, but specifically we wish to be a resource for those who want to live past homosexuality.
As for you quoting God as saying “everyone deserves to be happy,” I’d just like to clear up that the Bible doesnt explicitly say that but that the notion is somewhat true. what we need to understand however is that of all people, our creator knows what will make us most happy and fulfilled. Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you. plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” It is further written in the pslams that “in His presence is fullness of Joy.”
I applaud your tolerance of men and women who are gay, but I must also ask that tolerate people wishing to live differently.
much love,
Frank
March 15th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
Hi,
Well I’m a teenager strugling with homosexuality. I’m realy confused and don’t know what to do. I love God and I want what is best in my life. Unfortunatly, I don’t know what that is anymore. I always felt close to God (still do!), but I don’t know what he wants me to do. I can’t tell where this struggle is supposed to lead and I am trying to keep an open mind about this. I’m finding that you find that people need "forgiveness" or "guidance". While I do think I need guidance, forgiveness makes it sound like I’ve done something wrong, whicch in this particular issue I have not.
I want to believe that I can change, but I don’t want to have to struggle with this my entire life, not even a little. It feels like acceptance would be easier, but change would be preferable. I don’t know what choice to make because I have been through so much already and I don’t feel like being in this turmoil all throughout my life, even if only at random times or in a smaller dose, yet I still want the best choice.
In the meantime, I am dying inside. Praying with a broken messed up heart and wondering everyday what I did to deserve this, or what the purpose of this struggle is, thinking that if my parents could just get over it how it would all be better, will I ever be happy and all these other thoughts flood my mind as I sit in a metaforical box beaten to death by my sexuality and my spirituality.
I feel like a washed out rag. I’ve been used so much and taken advantage of. I want it all taken away. I want wholeness and stability, but I feel like the world choped my legs and is demanding that I stand up. Mybeliefs feel so washed up and washed out to where I don’t know what I bleieve anymore.
I want my strugle to end. I want someone to tell me that I won’t have to deal with this daily struggle that beats me to death. I want someone to love me perfectly. I thought being a christian was supposed to do that for me? I thought that If I prayed and was honest with god and followed him that this would go away, or at least be easier? I feel like loving God has made this harder, but I love him so much I don’t want to leave him.
What am I supposed to do? What is god’s plan for me?
March 15th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
I feel your pain. I remember it was not too long ago that I was in the same position. I was Bible Club president and I love Jesus with all my heart. I wondered what I did to deserve such a struggle. I wondered if it wouldn’t be easier if I were never a christian. I felt so defeated. I wanted the struggle to end. I thought if I trusted in Christ I would be “free” from sin. But it didnt look like that from where I was. Here are some things I learned:
first, freedom doesn’t mean not struggling. Freedom means not being a slave to sin. Do I have freedom from homosexuality? yes. I don’t have to sleep with men. I don’t have to look at pornography. I can choose not to do it. That doesn’t mean I don’t have the temptation, it only means I can resist. Sure sometimes I go days or weeks without homosexuality even crossing my mind. and those days are nice too. But sometimes its all I can think about. The freedom comes in that I can say no.
I learned that things wouldn’t necessarily be better if I didn’t struggle with homosexuality. If I struggled with heterosexual attractions it would be just the same. God commands us to live a certain way sexually, and both heterosexuals and those struggling with homosexuality face the same standard. We both struggle to live the way God intends.
God never said we wouldn’t struggle. Thats not realistic. Paul one of the greatest evangelist even is said to have struggled with “a thorn in his side.” Our struggles make apparent our desperate need for God. There are a million struggles we could have had. we could have been addicted to drugs, alcohol, been heterosexually promiscuous, perhaps gambled our lives away. all sin points to our desperate need for God. this just happens to be our struggle.
accepting homosexuality wont make it any better either. If you already know that your Identity lies outside of the gay identity, if you already know that there is better out there for you, if you already know that homosexuality is not God’s will for you… accepting it wont make it all better.
change is possible, but its something people have to fight for. anything worth having, is worth fighting for. The world will tell you that you were born gay and that you need to accept it. But only you can make the choice about what life you are going to live. I’ve learned I’ve had to fight for the real me. The me outside of my circumstances.
my struggle with homosexuality is a circumstance. Its not who I am. when I start to figure out who I am I realize that I am much more than my struggle and that I dont have to live a life as a homosexual. I can fight to be everything I dream of being and want to be. but we have to fight for it.
I cant tell you what Gods plan is for your life. I can barely tell you what God is planning for mine. But I can tell you about the character of our God. He is a good God who loves us and beckons us to have a fulfilling relationship with Him. He is a loving father and a jealous lover. I’ve learned that in light of Knowing these attributes of God I can put my full faith in Him. Faith that His plan for my life is good. That I can trust Him with my heart and my relationships. and I pray that you can learn this too with time. Only don’t give up.
October 19th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
How can I. as a mom help my son when he has isolated himself so
that he stays in his room 24/7. Only socializes with his boyfriend
per telephone, computer, and sleeps with him online using Skype. He
has just graduated and is now 18 yo. I am afraid that turning off
the internet will only drive him to leave home, to another state.
My heart aches. He is immature, has been sheltered,lives in a small
town, is trusting and naive which makes him prey to be taken
advantage of. I pray for God to speak to his heart and to protect
him, but is is hard to leave it with Him. All I see is my son
suffering the unthinkable because of bad choices, Or ending up dead
and we will never know what has happened to him. Please, I don’t
want him to leave, as he is planning to do in Dec. for fear he will
go deeper into this lifestyle and I will never see my
tenderhearted, loving. sweet son until we meet in Heaven. My heart
and prayers go out to every family who is facing probably one of
the roughest challenges in their lives. God Bless you for your
involvement in this forum. It is a blessing that I have found
someplace to put my ramblings. I know after time God WILL make
things clearer to me and give me the things I need to know, the
things I need to listen to, the things I will need to do or not.
August 6th, 2010 at 12:49 am
I am a transgendered youth (Not proud, but I
don’t want to be “fixed” either), and I think that most of this is
a load of crap. Because of some extremists, I was
molested, beaten, and humiliated, it destroyed me. They were trying
to fix me. To make me right in the eyes of god, to make me follow
the bible. Something like that. To hear a question like this really
strikes me in the gut. You can’t “change” a gay person. What you
can do is ditch them, and get on with your life. Its best to not
meddle with other peoples sexuality. Its there decision, not yours.
In the end, trying to “change” a homosexual person just ends with
the person trying to change them looking like a (excuse my
language, don’t know how else to put it) jesus freak, while they
feel humiliated, and angry.
August 6th, 2010 at 10:25 am
Hi 4eachtheirown, I’m sorry you experienced violence and pain from people trying to force you to change. We are not proponents of ANY sort of violence. If you read the post, you will see the answer is you can’t change the person. All you can do is build a relationship with them, love them, encourage them, and be a good influence on them. Also, sharing the gospel with them that Christ loves them and wants them for his own. The post in no way talks about changing a gay person. I’d encourage you to read it. Regardless of whether or not a gay person desires to leave homosexuality, we are called to love them and relate to them in the way Christ would relate to them. You are right, humans cannot change gay people, but the Holy Spirit can change anyone. I am a person who walked away from homosexuality with the help of loving, caring, and Christ-like friends. And they were so helpful for me. We aren’t here to change gay people. We are hear to love them and share with them the message that Christ loves them and can free them of homosexuality. BUT, even if they don’t desire to walk away from homosexuality, we love them regardless and meet them where they are, respecting their decision.