Something that is so common, a problem for so many Christians, is one of the few things ever discussed in church.  So what is the answer to the question, ‘Is masturbation a sin?’  Is there really anything wrong with it?  I mean, what’s the harm?  What does the Bible say?

The Bible doesn’t specifically address the issue of masturbation.  Out of the entire scriptures, not one verse mentions masturbation.  The closest one that is used most often in relation to masturbation is Genesis 38:9 -

But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so whenever he lay with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from producing offspring for his brother.

Tamar was Onan’s sister-in-law.  Her husband, Er, was wicked and recently died.  So Judah, Onan’s father told him to lie with Tamar to produce children that Er couldn’t do.  But Onan, spills his seed to prevent himself from impregnating Tamar.  The Lord is angry and ultimately kills him.  So, because he spills his seed, many equate that with masturbation.  But, if you look at the context, it isn’t masturbation the Lord is displeased with, it is the fact that Onan deliberately prevents himself from passing his seed on to Tamar.  He disrespects God’s perfect design by wasting his seed.  The purpose he was to fulfill was thwarted by his own selfish desires.  So this verse we can’t use to defend or condemn masturbation.

But I believe the issue of lust is important to discuss in relation to masturbation.  In my many years of battling with this issue, I’ve heard the arguments that masturbation is alright as long as it doesn’t become an addictive behavior and it’s used as a tool for relaxation and not lust.  But I have not found one time when lust could be suppressed from the act of masturbation.  The two are closely associated.  Masturbation is an artificial expression of sex, and in God’s perfect design, sex is to be a relational, deeply intimate expression between one man and one woman of their sacrificial love for one another.  So how could one be able to masturbate without bringing a relational dynamic into it – most often in the form of fantasy or pornography?

Christopher West, in Theology of the Body for Beginners, shares insights from Pope John Paul II.  He discusses an interesting perspective on lust.  Pope John Paul’s belief is that love and sex ultimately is self-donation.  It is the body’s capacity of expressing love.  A man’s body doesn’t make sense by itself and a woman’s body doesn’t make sense by itself.  Sexual difference reveals the unmistakable plan of God that man and woman are meant to be a “gift” to one another.  This is a whole other subject for a different post.  But this sets the backdrop for what he later brings up about lust:

Lust “passes on the ruins” of the nuptial (marital) meaning of the body and aims directly to satisfy only the “sexual need” of the body.  It seeks “the sensation of sexuality” apart from a true gift of self and a true communion of persons … In reality, lust is a reduction of the original fullness God intended for sexual desire.

Lust is the difference between self-gratification and self-donation, taking versus giving.  You see, sex is a very relational thing.  It was never intended to be enjoyed by oneself.  Regardless of whether you claim you can masturbate without fantasizing or not, it doesn’t matter.  Sex and orgasms were meant for the marriage bed, to unite two individuals in self-giving.

An orgasm was not originally designed for relaxation or for self-indulgence.  I remember hearing a talk one time by Sy Rogers.  I’m paraphrasing and perhaps even restructuring his thought here, but this is the gist of it.  An orgasm, originally, serves as a seal between two individuals.  In a world without pornography and void of masturbation, a man is to meet a woman, fall in love, marry, and unite in the joyous act of sexual intercourse.  When both partners experience orgasm, their other partner is imprinted in their minds, stamped, sealed, and delivered to their brain as the person of their dreams…in essence.  Of course I’m merely paraphrasing.

The dangers of masturbating is imprinting your mind with many different people that were never supposed to be linked to this most intimate act.  A rewiring in your brain happens.  That’s why, at least for me, when I began indulging in pornography I could never masturbate without the fantasy.  Because that was imprinted in my mind.

Can you imagine what it would be like, men, to never have masturbated, never looked at pornography, resisted the temptation to lust, and once you marry and enter the marriage bed for the first time, your wife is the only one imprinted on your mind in the most intimate moment?  That was God’s original intent.

So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. Galatians 5:16-17

Ultimately you must search your own heart with God’s help to determine if it is sin or not.  The best way to tell is by asking yourself these questions, “Do you feel guilty after you do it?” If the answer is yes, then most likely you are feeling conviction, which means it is sin for you.  Is this something habitual for you?  Has it become an idol?  Then masturbation is not a good or beneficial thing.  Do you use it as a form of medication?  Then masturbation is a substitution for God, and therefore sin.

For those who do truly believe masturbation is possible without lust, then I should ask, what’s the benefit? Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 10:23 that, “everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.” So, masturbation may possibly be permissible, but what’s the benefit that it brings other than self-gratification and pleasure? We are called to be living sacrifices, not living self-indulgers.

Ultimately masturbation is a counterfeit form of intimacy and leads to self-focused gratification.  Therefore, how do we deal with it?

First, acknowledge God’s grace and love for you.  If you are trapped in a repetitive, addictive, unbreakable cycle of masturbating, you probably feel a lot of shame and guilt.  If so, embrace God’s love, and rest in His grace for you.  He sees you, not your sin.  Begin to dive deeper into relationship with Him.  Once He supplies your relational needs, then the counterfeit of masturbation loses it’s appeal.  If you are fulfilled in His love, you no longer need the self-gratification or indulgence of pornography or masturbation.

We also must daily deny ourselves, our fleshly desires, and self-focused motivations to Christ.  The longer we starve an addiction, the easier it becomes to resist.  Our bodies are not our own.  “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own” 1 Corinthians 6:19.  As a temple of the Holy Spirit, we should not defile our bodies in acts of self-gratification of any kind.

We must submit our sexuality, sexual appetites, and impulses to God.  He, by His Holy Spirit, will give us the grace and power to resist and fight the temptation to masturbate.  This is something that can be extremely hard to break.  So walk under the grace of our Lord, and not under condemnation.  The more you feel accused, the easier it is to stay stuck in this sin.  God neither accuses or condemns you, because Christ took on all of that for us.  If you are stuck in the repetitive cycle of sin, then I encourage you to truly embrace who you are in Christ.  You are beloved, a dearly loved child of the King.  To learn more about helpful tools and ways to handle temptation read Hope for Resisting Temptation.

If you are using masturbation to medicate pain, loneliness, or brokenness, then acknowledge it and begin to understand what triggers you and how you handle certain issues.  Your brain has been conditioned to respond to hard life situations through masturbation.  It will take some time to retrain your brain and respond to these same situations by turning to Christ who is THE absolute medicator and healer.  Masturbation only medicates for a few minutes.  Christ heals for a lifetime.

This is indeed a reality that so many men struggle with.  It is now becoming a prevalent struggle for women as well.  Don’t keep this in the dark.  Gather around your brothers, men or sisters, women and begin to fight this struggle together.  It is when we bring our dark secrets into the light that freedom comes.  Darkness only perpetuates more bondage.  The more we talk about this in a real, honest, and humble way, the more shame and guilt will relinquish its power to the healing of the community of faith and Christ Himself.

For those who may not know about this event, the Alliance Defense Fund launched it several years ago as a way to present an alternative viewpoint about homosexuality from a Christian perspective.  Exodus International now hosts this event and we want to help Christian students build relationships with gay-identified friends that reflects both the truth and compassion of Jesus Christ.

But back to my old self for a moment. When I was pre-teen student secretly battling homosexual feelings, I felt so ashamed and fearful to admit a reality I lived with daily.  I kept my battle to myself, hoping no one would ever find out.  Of course, other peers made fun of me and I was constantly reminded of my struggle and inadequacies as I endured the name-calling and derogatory banter in jr. high. Despite this, I was actively committed to my Christian walk.  In fact, it was one of the first times I went deeply into the Scriptures and my relationship with Jesus really took off. He was the only one I felt I could run to.  Ironically, my homosexual attractions, at least at that point in my life, were never a part of my conversations with Him. I kept that hidden away and compartmentalized out of either fear or maybe just a desire to ignore it in hopes that it would go away.

The Southern Baptist church I went to wasn’t uberconservative, but some of the ideology certainly emphasized judgment over grace. I vividly remember my pastor’s one sermon on homosexuality. He quoted from Leviticus and as he did he raised his hand and with a blistering tone said, “Homosexuals are an abomination and they all go to hell.” I knew then and there that to tell anyone of my struggle with homosexual feelings would result in instant rejection. They would tell me my feelings were sick, disgusting, unnatural and an abomination to God.  So I kept my struggle a secret all the while seething with anger and struggling with wounds until one day in high school I released it with a simple phrase, “I’m gay.” I felt instant relief.

As I think back to that time in my life, I’ve wondered what would have happened if the Day of Truth was around back then. I wonder what my life would look like if I had been able to confide in a fellow Christian who didn’t reject me for my struggle, but encouraged me with hope and truth.  For me, the isolation was palpable and the conversations I had with myself only solidified the nagging thought I was gay and I needed to embrace and celebrate it.  But would I have done so if I had heard a redemptive message from compassionate Christians, instead of the condemnatory one I’d heard at church?

I can’t really say what I would have done, but I think things may have been different. I didn’t know people were walking free from homosexuality until later in life. I didn’t hear a message of hope and grace until after I had embraced the gay-identity — a time when I really didn’t want to hear it.  Had I had friends that I could trust with my secrets with who could pour out God’s grace over the coals of judgment I had been walking on, I think my choices would have been different.

The truth is I don’t think there is a student out there dealing with homosexual feelings that actually rejoices in and embraces it instantly.  It takes time for that to happen, if it does at all. I was just a teen desperate for love, unconditional love, one in which I could bare all my trash and not be rejected.  I was a teen desperate to hear of a loving Father who knew my brokenness whether I admitted it to Him or not.

Today, I think of all the students struggling with same-sex attraction on campuses across America. I think about the guy who is in the same place I was more than ten years ago who is secretly struggling.  He’s thinking that if his friends reject him it will be too much for him to bear. He’s thinking that maybe the answer is just to stay silent.  I want him to know that God loves him and that He hasn’t abandoned him and never will. I want him to know that God longs to be with him even in his struggle with same-sex attraction.  I want his friends to show him Christ-like compassion and allow him to be safely transparent, struggles and all.  I want him to hear a message of hope — maybe even on the Day of Truth. Maybe then he won’t go down the same road I have traveled.

Something that concerns me about what this article reports is all the kids who come out at twelve and thirteen years of age are embracing an identity based on their feelings.  I don’t know about you, but I know when I was a middle schooler, my feelings were all over the place.  They weren’t a trusted source for my identity.  But that is what these youth are going by – how they feel towards others of the same-sex.  They label and trap themselves in a sexual identity.  Being gay becomes who they are entirely.

The article discusses how the climate has changed over the years, making it “easier” for middle school youth to come out.  Popular culture has most certainly paved the way towards affirmation and acceptance with positive portrayals of gays and lesbians.  But does that make it ok?  I believe it pushes youth to an even greater identity crisis, urging them to accept an identity they may not even fully understand at the age of 11 or 12.  With the glamorizing of bisexuality in the media with pop songs such as Katy Perry’s infamous “I Kissed a Girl”, it has become trendy and even posh for girls to be bisexual.  Many of the students in the article mention a larger population of bisexual girls who seem to become more popular after they’ve divulged their sexual preference.

When there is positive reinforcement by peers, it’s hard not to embrace a label.  Instead of encouraging the expression of their sexuality, we need to be concerned with the motivation of girls who claim to be bisexual.  The media is saying it’s cool and hot.  But it really only musters up more gender confusion.

Another thing that stuck out to me was when the author mentioned fluidity in sexuality.  So many in the secular world agree with the idea that sexuality is a fluid thing.  But how is it so hard to embrace the idea of people moving from a homosexual identity to a post-homosexual identity?  That’s just another “expression” of sexuality being fluid.  But, yet, it is scorned and ridiculed for being absurd.

Why is popular culture the most influential medium on youth today?  It certainly does not have any moral compass.  The message of pop culture is “be who you want to be/you are how you feel/do what you want”.  Where it seems from this article that these middle school youth have found clarity in who they are, I believe it has only brought more confusion.  Middle School could be described in my life by this one word: chaos.  Feelings are swirling around, hormones are going haywire, and we’re desperately looking for an identity.  This is the time in a young person’s life to not jump to any conclusions, and embrace an identity they don’t even quite understand.  We are more than just our feelings.  We are more than just who we are attracted to.

Instead of celebrating the earlier embrace of a gay identity, we need to be cautious and concerned.  Embracing an identity based on feelings as an 11-13 year old child, whose brain is still developing and hormones are raging, is jumping the gun.  Pop culture is steering the trends in our youth today, without a moral compass.  Are we going to allow pop culture to be the only wisdom our youth hear?

I never felt shame as an abuse victim, mainly because I didn’t think I was abused.  I just saw those few instances as mere opportunities for an older guy to provide me what I was already hungry for.  I was just as responsible for what happened as he was, I thought.  It was merely an experience in the past with no consequences to my soul or well-being.  Having gone through a recovery program I should have known better.

After almost six years of walking away from a homosexual identity, the reality of those experiences hit me.  I’ve been working with a counselor for the last six months, and in the early stages of our meetings, the topic of what happened with the older guy came up.  As I tried to minimize the actions that took place, my counselor reacted in a way that shocked me.  He acted as if the sexual encounters with this older guy were consequential and influential in how I interact and relate to the world around me.  

The weeks after that I began to come to the point of accepting the fact that I had been sexually abused.  It wasn’t something that I had control over.  Though the experiences felt good and provided for a need that I had, enjoying it did not make me responsible for what happened.  I was a young, naive, ten year old starving for male affection.  Understanding this allowed me to see the encounters for what they were.

I began to accept the idea that I had been sexually abused, but I still struggled with the idea of it really having an impact on my life.  Of course I had issues, but I didn’t believe they stemmed from the few encounters I had with the older guy.  But, as I began to read and learn more about sexual abuse, I was able to see how it made a profound impression on me.  Sexual abuse survivors are usually skeptical of everyone – Bingo!  Sexual abuse survivors have a hard time trusting people – Right here!  These two characteristics describe me exactly.  I’ve had trust issues with people for as long as I can remember, and I’m always skeptical of people – the ones I know and the ones I don’t know.  I really believe this has hindered me from building relationships with more people.

Can there be anything else God?  That’s what I’d ask.  Why would such a loving God put one of His children into a situation where he’d grow up feeling gay, skeptical of others, and have the inability to trust people?  Bitterness that I once had began to well up inside of me again.  I was discouraged and fed up with all the stuff I had to work through from my childhood.  The homosexuality thing was enough in and of itself – now this?

I didn’t want to go to God.  I was tired of being hurt.  So I was going to handle everything on my own.  This led me into a deep depression, full of hopelessness, frustration, and rage.  Why did God fail me?  I couldn’t trust Him, I didn’t want to.

Have you ever found yourself in that position?  It’s as if you are tired of being powerless and no longer want to be dependent on anyone, because that leaves you violated.  I was powerless with the older guy and was violated.  I was dependent on God, and felt violated by Him.  This put me in a place of turning inward, trusting myself.  This was the easier and “safer” thing to do.  But instead of growing and healing, I spiraled downwards into my own despair.  The very source of my life had become the disdain of my soul.  But in running from the Source, I was running from my own healing.

So many times I hear people saying that the Lord didn’t cause this traumatic experience in your life, He merely allowed it to happen to use for the good of His Kingdom in the future; or He was there in the midst of the pain – He was there weeping tears of pain in those situations.  I can’t really say that right now regarding my sexual abuse.  I’m not at a place to really see that yet.  Honestly the wounds are still very raw, and I do hurt, still questioning why God allowed this to happen.  But I’ve learned through the couple of months of pure pain and desperation, that I can’t walk this out alone, and if you’ve been abused you can’t either.

How can you trust when you’ve been violated?  It’s a process I’m still walking through.  Whether you’ve been abused sexually or not, we are all marred with some kind of violation to our bodies and souls.  It’s easy to project our own concept of God on to Him, when in reality He is a being far bigger and mysterious to even grasp, much less label with our own notions of who God is.  He’s not a violator like my abuser.  He’s not a broken human being like so many that have caused emotional scarring in me, and I in them.  He’s a creator of life; He’s love; He’s father; He’s your protector.

Psalm 18:1-2 says this:

“I love you, Lord; you are my strength.  The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the strength of my salvation, and my stronghold.” (emphasis added).

I can’t tell you that I’m at peace with the fact that I was abused.  I can’t tell you that He allowed this to happen to bring glory and honor to Himself.  But I can tell you that I can’t heal from this violation without Him.  Though I found myself in a place of unbelief in God’s goodness and faithfulness, I can tell you now that He is faithful and a stronghold for our protection.  I know it grieves His heart when any form of brokenness is acted out on His precious children.  And I know that He is a restorer.  I couldn’t restore myself to wholeness…even if I tried.  I need a redeemer to redeem the darkness of my past.  We all do.

Trusting is hard when you’ve been violated.  But I know the one who was violated himself on our behalf (Isaiah 53:5) is the person to trust in this dark time you may be facing.  Believe in who God says He is and allow yourself to fall vulnerable before the one who will never violate or forsake you.  Barricade yourself in the one who is your shield, strength, and stronghold.  Trusting when you’ve  been violated in the one who redeems will truly bring about restoration and healing in your life.

The attempt to prove that homosexuality is determined biologically has been dealt a knockout punch. An American Psychological Association publication includes an admission that there’s no homosexual “gene” — meaning it’s not likely that homosexuals are born that way.

For decades, the APA has not considered homosexuality a psychological disorder, while other professionals in the field consider it to be a “gender-identity” problem. But the new statement, which appears in a brochure called “Answers to Your Questions for a Better Understanding of Sexual Orientation & Homosexuality,” states the following:

“There is no consensus among scientists about the exact reasons that an individual develops a heterosexual, bisexual, gay or lesbian orientation. Although much research has examined the possible genetic, hormonal, developmental, social, and cultural influences on sexual orientation, no findings have emerged that permit scientists to conclude that sexual orientation is determined by any particular factor or factors. Many think that nature and nurture both play complex roles….”

That contrasts with the APA’s statement in 1998: “There is considerable recent evidence to suggest that biology, including genetic or inborn hormonal factors, play a significant role in a person’s sexuality.”

Read the rest of the article…

With this admission that their former stance was wrong, will the APA respond differently to the stories of many people who have found freedom from a homosexual identity?  Hopefully this will be an open door for dialogue and respectful conversation on this topic.  The APA’s stance, whether it be embracing the gay gene theory or offering the possibility of change from a homosexual identity, has no bearing on my own beliefs.  No institution can discredit the fact that God has done a significant change in me.  He is the bearer of change in my life.  But, this is a great step in perhaps reducing the discrediting and judgmental attitudes many in the psychiatric world have against organizations such as Exodus.

It’s good to see the APA admitting the truth of our experiences.

]]> http://exodusyouth.net/2009/05/21/apa-revises-gay-gene-theory/feed/ 8 http://exodusyouth.net/day-of-truth/let-the-spirit-move/ http://exodusyouth.net/day-of-truth/let-the-spirit-move/#comments Tue, 07 Apr 2009 19:07:41 +0000 Chris Stump http://exodusyouth.net/?page_id=381 While you are preparing for Day of Truth and learning more about how to minister and effectively reach gay-identified peers, remember you have a resource much greater than any materials you read.  The Holy Spirit is always present and He goes before you in all endeavors.  Trust His leading and presence when you begin to share the message of freedom to your peers.  He can and will do far greater things than you alone can do!

Knowing the Holy Spirit is present and active when you share your stories, compassion, and the truth, can reduce any stress or fear you have.  This no longer is about what you can do.  Realizing the Holy Spirit is active allows you to step back and allow Him to move.  Sharing on the Day of Truth then becomes what the Holy Spirit can do in and through you.  You don’t have to change people.  You can trust the Lord to use the message of truth you share to impact your peers in His way and in His time.

There’s a familiar saying that I think is important to remember:  You must catch the fish first before you can clean it.  So many people think that homosexuals have to change before they step foot into church – Jesus never demonstrated that.  He never demanded the broken to change before coming to Him.  He knew their need – it was Christ, himself.  He invited them to come to Him and through that interaction He propelled change in their lives. That’s the way it is with our gay friends!  We bring them to Jesus, and then He sets the work of transformation in their lives in His own timing.

Our duty is to meet them right where they are, walk with them, and encourage them.  We can’t be the Holy Spirit in their lives.  But we can be friends who speak truth in love and trust Christ to do the healing work.  He’s the only one who can.  Believing the power of the Holy Spirit will greatly impact how you relate.  Knowing you don’t have to do it all on your own provides a huge relief.  You can allow the Holy Spirit to work and you will begin to see that He isn’t only changing your friend’s life, but you too are being changed in the process.

You’ll find that you aren’t the only one to be an impact in your friend’s life.  When I was in the early stages of walking free from a homosexual identity I didn’t think I could offer anything.  People could pour into me, but there wasn’t anything in me to pour out into others.  But as relationships grew and strengthened I found that my friend was being poured into as well.  We were both being blessed and changed through our friendship.  One friend even began to share his struggles more openly with another friend and me because I had been so vulnerable with my struggle with homosexuality.  So be open and willing to receive whatever the Lord has for you through any relationships that may come about.

We are all on a journey.  Some of us are just a few steps ahead of others.  Some actually have a heading, while others are still lost and wandering with no direction.  We, as Christians, have direction and we are to find the wanderers and point them to our heading – Christ. No matter if we are maturing Christians, new Christians, or ones that have not yet found Christ, God has some growing to do in all of us.  He’ll begin to transform your struggling, gay-identified friend, but don’t miss out on the change He wants to do in your life too!

I’ve heard countless stories from students who have participated in previous Day of Truth events that paint a rather harsh picture.  Students have been criticized and humiliated in front of their classmates by teachers – teachers who have fallen prey to pro-gay rhetoric and have lost understanding of what tolerance truly means.  Depending on your school atmosphere, you may very well experience the same kind of condemnation, anger, and judgment.  How will you handle the guards that may be thrown up to counteract your message, or the offensive attacks that may pop up when you participate? 

Experiencing pressure and personal attack because you want to dialogue and share your own beliefs on homosexuality can be discouraging and even scary.  It can be difficult to stand up for a belief that is constantly pounded by waves of skepticism, anger, and ideology that what you believe is a load of crock. (Read more)

I’ve heard countless stories from students who have participated in previous Day of Truth events that paint a rather harsh picture.  Students have been criticized and humiliated in front of their classmates by teachers – teachers who have fallen prey to pro-gay rhetoric and have lost understanding of what tolerance truly means.  Depending on your school atmosphere, you may very well experience the same kind of condemnation, anger, and judgment.  How will you handle the guards that may be thrown up to counteract your message, or the offensive attacks that may pop up when you participate?

Experiencing pressure and personal attack because you want to dialogue and share your own beliefs on homosexuality can be discouraging and even scary.  It can be difficult to stand up for a belief that is constantly pounded by waves of skepticism, anger, and ideology that what you believe is a load of crock.  When facing such negative feedback, it’s important to keep everything in perspective.  There are some important things to remember if and when you experience resistance to your desire to dialogue and share counter-culture truths.

Don’t take the attack personally.  This can be so hard to do.  Our emotions and identity can be hindered if we allow what other people say to have power over us.  When you speak truth, the world is not going to understand or easily swallow it.  There will always be opposition to the truth. You’ll probably even experience some hatred.  Christ tells us that if the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated Him first.  He has chosen you out of the world and that is why the world hates you (John 14:18-19).

By living out of the reality that we are in Christ, this separates us from the world.  We experience opposition because we walk in the Truth and the world pulls so far against the Truth.  If the world hated Christ, it certainly will hate those who proclaim Him.  So don’t take it personally.  Be confident in your identity in Christ.  He is the one who called you and He is the one who will protect you.  Know that He has your back and rejoices in the fact that you are trusting in His favor, strength, and wisdom in sharing the gospel message with students who desperately need Him!

Remember whom you are fighting for and against.  We are all guilty of being competitive sometimes in our lives.  It seems to be our natural tendency to become defensive and argue for the sake of being right when someone attacks our views.  Remember the Day of Truth is not about arguing, even if it’s tempting to prove classmates or teachers wrong who criticize you.  On DoT, and hopefully the many days after, you are fighting for the very people who may be judging you.  The reason you participate in this event is to fight for the freedom that Christ offers to those in your schools who are gay-identified or are struggling in secrecy.

Fighting for their freedom means promoting respectful dialogue and conversation.  If someone tries to argue with you, “It is honorable to refrain from strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel” (Proverbs 20:3).  Though some people may not be willing to respectfully dialogue and may become abrasive, don’t give into quarreling.  You want to reach and minister to people, not turn them away.  There may be instances where you must stand your ground and confront a person who is going too far with criticism.  But don’t fall prey to arguing just to prove your rightness. Keep persevering and fighting the good fight.  After all, you’re not trying to win an argument, but win souls.  Look past the anger and see the person that God loves very much.

While you fight for those who may be coming against you, remember you are fighting against something far greater than flesh and blood. “Put on the whole armor of God, so that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For our struggle is not against enemies of blood and flesh, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 6:11-12).  It’s hard to do sometimes, especially when you are in the midst of crossfire, but keep a Kingdom perspective.  While it seems you may be fighting against gay-identified students and those who support homosexuality, you really aren’t.  There is a dark force at work in the world, and you are bringing the Truth to combat the schemes of the true enemy.  Keeping this perspective can help you with any situation you may face when a fellow student or teacher attacks your message.

Know that it’s worth it! Hopefully the reality of what some students face on the Day of Truth is not a discouragement for you. This can be a heated topic to address with others, but it is paramount to begin these discussions with your peers.  I was a struggling teenager who desperately needed to hear the redemptive side of homosexuality.  The persecution you may face will be well worth it if only a few seeds are planted, even if you never see the final results of a life forever changed.  You may just reach that one struggling student who is starving for a better answer to his homosexual feelings.

Your perseverance and boldness in proclaiming the truth will impact your school and your witness.  Be encouraged to know that God is behind you and is rooting for you.  He will bless your courageous acts in ways that you may not ever see.  You will not only be sharing the freedom and hope in Christ, but also advancing the Kingdom – and that is huge!  Know that participating in the Day of Truth you are making a great impact for the King and the Kingdom.  Realizing that, makes it all worth it!  2 Corinthians 4:8-10 states, “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be made visible in our bodies.”  We are the visible representation of Christ and will make Him known through our own humiliation at times.  So, be encouraged knowing that you are sharing a life-changing, life-giving, message.

Place yourself in the shoes of a gay-identified, or homosexually struggling peer.  Imagine you grew up feeling different and alienated from your same-sex peers.  You’ve struggled with feelings and attractions towards the same-sex for as long as you can remember.  Out of shame or guilt, you’ve hidden it from your family, friends, church leaders, and the world around you.  The last thing you want is for anyone to know your “secret” as you pray night after night for God to free you of this struggle.  You wonder how this even happened and why, out of all the things you could struggle with, homosexuality has to be your struggle.  You didn’t choose to have these attractions; they just developed and you feel like there is no way to make it all go away.  These are the kinds of things that characterize a person’s life who is dealing with same sex feelings and attractions.  Once you can get an idea of what they are going through, hopefully you are able to view them in a different light.  They are no longer “sick” people who choose to have these feelings.  They are dealing with temptations and sin.  As Paul writes in Romans 7: 15, “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.”  We certainly can find commonality in that!

Homosexuality is no greater sin than any other sinful behaviors or “trivial” sins such as lying or gossiping.  As the old saying goes, the ground is level at the foot of the Cross.  Everyone is given the same opportunity at the foot of the Cross to receive forgiveness of our sinful behavior along with a new identity and strength to live a life free of the bondage of sin.  Knowing this can help Christians, who may not struggle in this particular area of temptation or sin, relate to those who do.

Relating…It Can Happen
I’ve often heard from gay-identified students that Christians have no understanding of what it’s like to have these attractions and feelings.   That certainly isn’t true!  While you may not be able to relate to their specific struggle or attraction, you can definitely relate to their struggle with humanity and sinful nature.  We can all relate to being tempted, falling short, and even giving up when the battle simply becomes too difficult.  A majority of Christians have found themselves in bondage to one sin or another at some point in their lives.  So relating to those with same-sex attractions isn’t impossible.

I remember joining a men’s sexual integrity group at my church a few years ago, thinking I wouldn’t find any help or healing through this group.  Only one other guy and I were dealing with homosexuality.  I thought “Surely, I couldn’t relate with the other guys in the group and they couldn’t relate to me.”  But the longer I stayed in the group, the more I realized that I had made a false assumption about these guys.  I never felt ostracized or judged when I talked about my struggle, because the other guys knew and understood that we were in this thing together.  No matter what the particular attraction was, we were all dealing with sexual brokenness – lust, temptation, and habitual sins.

I learned through that great group of men that it is possible to relate to someone dealing with homosexuality even if you have never had a homosexual thought in your life.  You see, those men realized we were dealing with the same struggles with temptation and sin, just in our own unique ways. Together we realized that this was merely Satan’s attempt at keeping us from experiencing true intimacy with Christ, embracing our true identity in Christ, and recognizing the righteous authority we’ve been give to live a life of freedom.   A lot of my personal healing took place in this group, because I was able to see that not only could they relate to me, but I could also relate to them.

In reaching out, don’t allow a wall of unfamiliarity to divide you from peers who either struggle with or embrace homosexuality.  You’re not that different!  It’s important to realize and share your own shortcomings and struggles.  This can help you meet them in and through your own brokenness.  Be vulnerable about your own struggles, about difficulties you face or have faced, and how we all need a Savior to forgive us and help us daily fight temptations that aim to keep us from experiencing God’s best for our lives.  Vulnerability breeds vulnerability and the more you open up and show authenticity, the more your gay-identified friend will open up.  This will allow you the opportunity to speak into his or her life, understand how to pray for them, and hopefully witness God’s transforming power at work in all of our lives.

As an individual who is fighting same sex struggles and submitting this battle daily to Christ, you bring a different and much needed redemptive viewpoint to other DOT participants. They can learn a lot from your personal battle with this issue and gain a better understanding for those students they are actually trying to reach. You have rejected the world’s answer to homosexuality and are experiencing a new-found freedom through Jesus Christ. You are proof that there is another way! By participating in Day of Truth, you can be an advocate for other hurting and struggling students at your school.

Now, please don’t hear us saying that you should broadcast your battle with homosexuality to your whole school. This certainly may not be the time and place for that, but you don’t have to share your testimony in order to be effective. You can still be a great influence in helping bring understanding and compassion to this issue without divulging your own personal battle.

However, if you feel lead to share your story to the DOT participants and/or the student group you’re involved in, be bold in your freedom and share the redemption you’ve experienced through Christ. Be confident that you’re not alone and there are thousands of other students battling right alongside you all throughout the world. Your story can plant seeds of life into the hearts of the broken and help other Christians see the grace of God in a new and different way.

By participating in Day of Truth you can make a difference. Whether you feel lead to share your story or not, you can be an invaluable asset to other participants and the students they are reaching out to. Hopefully, the conversations will continue beyond this one day event and the Lord will use you to bring real answers and hope to a culture impacted by homosexuality.