For those who may not know about this event, the Alliance Defense Fund launched it several years ago as a way to present an alternative viewpoint about homosexuality from a Christian perspective.  Exodus International now hosts this event and we want to help Christian students build relationships with gay-identified friends that reflects both the truth and compassion of Jesus Christ.

But back to my old self for a moment. When I was pre-teen student secretly battling homosexual feelings, I felt so ashamed and fearful to admit a reality I lived with daily.  I kept my battle to myself, hoping no one would ever find out.  Of course, other peers made fun of me and I was constantly reminded of my struggle and inadequacies as I endured the name-calling and derogatory banter in jr. high. Despite this, I was actively committed to my Christian walk.  In fact, it was one of the first times I went deeply into the Scriptures and my relationship with Jesus really took off. He was the only one I felt I could run to.  Ironically, my homosexual attractions, at least at that point in my life, were never a part of my conversations with Him. I kept that hidden away and compartmentalized out of either fear or maybe just a desire to ignore it in hopes that it would go away.

The Southern Baptist church I went to wasn’t uberconservative, but some of the ideology certainly emphasized judgment over grace. I vividly remember my pastor’s one sermon on homosexuality. He quoted from Leviticus and as he did he raised his hand and with a blistering tone said, “Homosexuals are an abomination and they all go to hell.” I knew then and there that to tell anyone of my struggle with homosexual feelings would result in instant rejection. They would tell me my feelings were sick, disgusting, unnatural and an abomination to God.  So I kept my struggle a secret all the while seething with anger and struggling with wounds until one day in high school I released it with a simple phrase, “I’m gay.” I felt instant relief.

As I think back to that time in my life, I’ve wondered what would have happened if the Day of Truth was around back then. I wonder what my life would look like if I had been able to confide in a fellow Christian who didn’t reject me for my struggle, but encouraged me with hope and truth.  For me, the isolation was palpable and the conversations I had with myself only solidified the nagging thought I was gay and I needed to embrace and celebrate it.  But would I have done so if I had heard a redemptive message from compassionate Christians, instead of the condemnatory one I’d heard at church?

I can’t really say what I would have done, but I think things may have been different. I didn’t know people were walking free from homosexuality until later in life. I didn’t hear a message of hope and grace until after I had embraced the gay-identity — a time when I really didn’t want to hear it.  Had I had friends that I could trust with my secrets with who could pour out God’s grace over the coals of judgment I had been walking on, I think my choices would have been different.

The truth is I don’t think there is a student out there dealing with homosexual feelings that actually rejoices in and embraces it instantly.  It takes time for that to happen, if it does at all. I was just a teen desperate for love, unconditional love, one in which I could bare all my trash and not be rejected.  I was a teen desperate to hear of a loving Father who knew my brokenness whether I admitted it to Him or not.

Today, I think of all the students struggling with same-sex attraction on campuses across America. I think about the guy who is in the same place I was more than ten years ago who is secretly struggling.  He’s thinking that if his friends reject him it will be too much for him to bear. He’s thinking that maybe the answer is just to stay silent.  I want him to know that God loves him and that He hasn’t abandoned him and never will. I want him to know that God longs to be with him even in his struggle with same-sex attraction.  I want his friends to show him Christ-like compassion and allow him to be safely transparent, struggles and all.  I want him to hear a message of hope — maybe even on the Day of Truth. Maybe then he won’t go down the same road I have traveled.

This article will look at how youth workers can, and must, help students who are facing such bullying in school – knowing that these same things could be happening within local youth ministries as well.  This article is not calling to accept behavior that clashes with Biblical beliefs, rather it’s calling for Christians (especially those who are youth workers) to take a stand against bullying, and start teaching the truth about sharing God’s unconditional love with those who think they are undeserving of such love.

Read what two students write about their current school experience:

Male Student – 11th grade
“I have learned that harassment in schools is a norm.  Kids would scream the term ‘faggot’ as they saw me in the halls. None of the teachers said a word, and that is what scared me.  I don’t feel safe at my school because I’m gay.”

Female Student – 12th grade
“I stayed home because everyone hated me so much that it made me hate myself, and I thought there was something completely wrong with me.  I missed almost three weeks in a row to avoid seeing the other students.”

As a gay teen in high school, I can clearly identify with both students.  The majority of my teachers did not respond to the comments made by my peers in the halls and classrooms.  Regardless of why they did not respond, the result is the same: there are too many teens unjustly being bullied in schools.  Whether students are gay, have braces, wear glasses, or do not act manly/feminine enough, bullying (harassment) of any kind is wrong and damaging.  As stated before, the extreme consequence of receiving such mistreatment from peers can lead some students to become suicidal.  Some may have constant thoughts but never go through with the actions (like myself, who identified as gay), and some may actually plan their death and eventually follow through with it.

It’s important to understand whether the teen is a Christian or not does not determine our response to them: we are to love regardless.  In saying that, I fully believe we are to love in truth, just as Jesus taught (John 4 and 8 are perfect examples of this idea of loving in truth).  This is not to say that we are to compromise truth for the sake of someone feeling accepted, rather this is to say that we speak the message of truth through authentic actions of love – again, just as Jesus exemplified.  This type of authentic love goes beyond the cliché: “hate the sin, love the sinner.”  Everyone knows that scripture calls homosexuality a sin, as every Christian is quick to tell gays and lesbians, although not everyone knows the love and grace of Christ, because the Church is often too slow at showing it to the gay community.  Authentic love looks past the person’s faults, and looks into their hearts.  Yes, Jesus called out sin, but He first went to the root of the matter: the person’s need for God’s love.  Jesus then dealt with the wrong ways they were striving to attain authentic love through other means.

Besides, whenever Christians use the cliché: “hate the sin, love the sinner,” the only thing the gay community hears is HATE.  That is not the message of the gospel – LOVE is.

The Youth Worker

The most important issue is this: does the student have a relationship with Christ?  This is the foundation of every struggle and issue.  If the person does not have a personal relationship with God, why should they change their behaviors and follow the standards of God vs. the standards of the world?  The next important issue, once the student has accepted Christ, is this: how are they nurturing their relationship with Christ?  The youth worker needs to be asking questions, like: Do they have people walking along side of them (discipleship of some form); how is their relationship with their parents and peers; what are some things that God is bringing forth that needs restoration; are there questions or doubts that the student is struggling with?

In evaluating these questions, here are some essentials that all youth workers must embrace before ministering to gay students (even those who haven’t come out but are still struggling with the issues):

1. Be ready to deal with your own stereotypes and prejudices.  If you are tense about discussing this issue, if you are uncomfortable around gay people in general, you must deal with these things before any gay student will trust you and open up to you.  They want (and need) to feel safe.  Youth workers need to continuously be informed about the issues surrounding homosexuality!

2. Be willing to pray for wisdom, understanding, and for God’s pure love to flow through you.  When dealing with students who struggle with their sexual identity, many feel unsure about themselves and about being around their same-sex peers.  Many have several layers of “stuff” built around wounded hearts.  The more you pray for God’s Spirit to pour from you into students, the better prepared you’ll be in this journey.

3. Be aware: this is a journey, not a walk-in-the-park.  Do not bail out on a student once you have begun this journey with them – unless you already have someone to take your place (one that the student already knows and trusts).  Please determine to stay the course.  Too many times, too many people have started to walk with gay teens and have left them standing alone when the going gets tough.  Given that most gay teens have unhealthy relationships, the last thing they need is their youth worker walking out on them too.

4. Be advised: same-sex attraction is mainly about broken relationships between the sexes.  Students need to find and connect with healthy same-sex relationships.  This needs to be done with great discernment and prayer.  Those connected to gay teens should be people who are spiritually mature in their faith. It would be beneficial to use men and women who have gone through some (or all) the struggles the teen is facing.  However, make sure that those adults can handle walking along side a gay teen.

5. Be ready to offer counseling as a means to help your students open up about the pending issues.  Refer students to outside support groups and counseling when needed – and it will be needed.  Also, besides finding the students resources, be sure to find parents resources too.  Family support groups are a big plus in helping parents stay connected with their struggling teen.

6. Be ready to set strict guidelines in your ministry: no gay jokes, no gay puns, no gay anything … it is not cool and it does major damage to those within the group.  Remember the quotes at the beginning of this article.  Gay students are looking for a safe place to plug into.  In saying this, change your vocab – the students follow by example; teach about all sin, not just the-gay-verses; God hates all sin, and no sin is higher than another.

7. Be ready to pray.  And when you have finished praying, pray again.  As said before, the more you invite the Spirit in to your situation to lead and direct you, the greater the results.

The Student

Youth workers need to understand and communicate to students what the overall result is.  Let me first say, the overall result is not to become a manly/womanly heterosexual, getting married, or having kids.  The overall result is simply this: to seek after God’s identity.  At the fall (Gen 3), mankind lost his focus on whose identity he was to be living for – his own vs. God’s.  I firmly believe that one of the main roots to every problem and addiction is the fact that we humans are consumed with finding ourselves that we never seek after our Creator’s image.  Repeatedly Christ has called us to seek after the Father’s heart and to take on HIS identity, so that we can ultimately walk the path laid before us.

True healing and freedom came for me when I gave up my failed pursuits of becoming “straight” – by my definition – and pursued God’s identity and His wholeness.  In that I found the things I longed for.

I am aware that each person and situation is different. Some youth struggling with homosexuality are at a place of desperation and are ready for a ‘leap of faith’; and some are not. While these are steps of action, as youth workers, we need to understand that this journey of healing is a process. We must not give our students false hope, and we ourselves should not rely on false hope. Rather we must believe that God is faithful, His Word is inerrant, and His power is limitless. As we walk in the truth of Jesus’ sanctification, our students who are struggling will follow beside us.

In saying that, here are some essentials that youth workers must communicate to gay teenagers – both within their ministry and outside of it.

1. You are valued. Students need to understand that despite being rejected by other people, there is a God who unconditionally loves them for who they are – no matter what.
2. There is hope. Many students struggling with sexual identity issues honestly believe that they are beyond hope and beyond a life worth living.  Instilling the truth within them that God offers them hope is vital.  Speak of, and help them hold on to, various promises of the Bible.
3. Your life has purpose. With the amount of scars, wounds, abuse, and other negative things piling up against them, many students convince themselves that there is not hope for a better life.  Again, speak God’s truth over them, and help them to embrace the essence of God’s eternal love.
4. You have a name. Nothing creates more damage to one’s soul than a peer constantly referring to you as an adjective (faggot) rather than as a person.  Just because a student is gay or lesbian does not mean that they have to be constantly reminded of it.
5. For those who want to change: Who you were does not define who you will always be. Once Jesus has freed students from their ‘gay life’, He has freed them from all labels, past behaviors, and guilt. They just need to accept it, which is often where a lot of the journey becomes a battleground. God does not see them as homosexuals, rather He sees them as His children, who were once lost but now found.  This principle is one that is hard for the Church to embrace.  Many who walk away from unwanted same-sex attractions are fearful that their past will constantly define their future.  That is not the case – as Paul says, “In Christ we are a new creation,” and further he says, “That is what you used to be, but now you are washed, sanctified and justified in Christ through His Spirit.”
6. For those who want to change: You are embarking on a journey. This journey is going to be tough. Yes, God has freed them from a gay identity, but now the person must continue to walk in that freedom regardless if the road leads into valleys or mountaintops.
7. The overall result is not to be straight, but to become more like Christ.  This is fundamental for all students, youth workers, parents, and mentors to fully understand.  If the focus is on just becoming straight, “self” is the center of that focus.  If the focus is on becoming like Christ, then “Christ” is the center.

The days of wondering if a gay teen might show up to your youth ministries are now over – gay teens are coming to youth ministries.  Therefore, youth workers need to become aware of what to do and how to do it.  I believe following these practical insights are a great start at building a safe and inviting atmosphere for gay teens – actually, all teens.  Here are four great resources that every youth worker (and parent) should read and have on hand:

* 101 Frequently Asked Questions about Homosexuality – Mike Haley
* The Gay Gospel – Joe Dallas
* God’s Grace and the Homosexual Next Door – Alan Chambers

May the Spirit of our living God transform your heart, your ministries, and the hearts of those who minister to.  May His identity be the wholeness you, and your students, long for above all else.

© 2009 Shawn Harrison, Director of six11 ministries

The attempt to prove that homosexuality is determined biologically has been dealt a knockout punch. An American Psychological Association publication includes an admission that there’s no homosexual “gene” — meaning it’s not likely that homosexuals are born that way.

For decades, the APA has not considered homosexuality a psychological disorder, while other professionals in the field consider it to be a “gender-identity” problem. But the new statement, which appears in a brochure called “Answers to Your Questions for a Better Understanding of Sexual Orientation & Homosexuality,” states the following:

“There is no consensus among scientists about the exact reasons that an individual develops a heterosexual, bisexual, gay or lesbian orientation. Although much research has examined the possible genetic, hormonal, developmental, social, and cultural influences on sexual orientation, no findings have emerged that permit scientists to conclude that sexual orientation is determined by any particular factor or factors. Many think that nature and nurture both play complex roles….”

That contrasts with the APA’s statement in 1998: “There is considerable recent evidence to suggest that biology, including genetic or inborn hormonal factors, play a significant role in a person’s sexuality.”

Read the rest of the article…

With this admission that their former stance was wrong, will the APA respond differently to the stories of many people who have found freedom from a homosexual identity?  Hopefully this will be an open door for dialogue and respectful conversation on this topic.  The APA’s stance, whether it be embracing the gay gene theory or offering the possibility of change from a homosexual identity, has no bearing on my own beliefs.  No institution can discredit the fact that God has done a significant change in me.  He is the bearer of change in my life.  But, this is a great step in perhaps reducing the discrediting and judgmental attitudes many in the psychiatric world have against organizations such as Exodus.

It’s good to see the APA admitting the truth of our experiences.

]]> http://exodusyouth.net/2009/05/21/apa-revises-gay-gene-theory/feed/ 8 http://exodusyouth.net/day-of-truth/let-the-spirit-move/ http://exodusyouth.net/day-of-truth/let-the-spirit-move/#comments Tue, 07 Apr 2009 19:07:41 +0000 Chris Stump http://exodusyouth.net/?page_id=381 While you are preparing for Day of Truth and learning more about how to minister and effectively reach gay-identified peers, remember you have a resource much greater than any materials you read.  The Holy Spirit is always present and He goes before you in all endeavors.  Trust His leading and presence when you begin to share the message of freedom to your peers.  He can and will do far greater things than you alone can do!

Knowing the Holy Spirit is present and active when you share your stories, compassion, and the truth, can reduce any stress or fear you have.  This no longer is about what you can do.  Realizing the Holy Spirit is active allows you to step back and allow Him to move.  Sharing on the Day of Truth then becomes what the Holy Spirit can do in and through you.  You don’t have to change people.  You can trust the Lord to use the message of truth you share to impact your peers in His way and in His time.

There’s a familiar saying that I think is important to remember:  You must catch the fish first before you can clean it.  So many people think that homosexuals have to change before they step foot into church – Jesus never demonstrated that.  He never demanded the broken to change before coming to Him.  He knew their need – it was Christ, himself.  He invited them to come to Him and through that interaction He propelled change in their lives. That’s the way it is with our gay friends!  We bring them to Jesus, and then He sets the work of transformation in their lives in His own timing.

Our duty is to meet them right where they are, walk with them, and encourage them.  We can’t be the Holy Spirit in their lives.  But we can be friends who speak truth in love and trust Christ to do the healing work.  He’s the only one who can.  Believing the power of the Holy Spirit will greatly impact how you relate.  Knowing you don’t have to do it all on your own provides a huge relief.  You can allow the Holy Spirit to work and you will begin to see that He isn’t only changing your friend’s life, but you too are being changed in the process.

You’ll find that you aren’t the only one to be an impact in your friend’s life.  When I was in the early stages of walking free from a homosexual identity I didn’t think I could offer anything.  People could pour into me, but there wasn’t anything in me to pour out into others.  But as relationships grew and strengthened I found that my friend was being poured into as well.  We were both being blessed and changed through our friendship.  One friend even began to share his struggles more openly with another friend and me because I had been so vulnerable with my struggle with homosexuality.  So be open and willing to receive whatever the Lord has for you through any relationships that may come about.

We are all on a journey.  Some of us are just a few steps ahead of others.  Some actually have a heading, while others are still lost and wandering with no direction.  We, as Christians, have direction and we are to find the wanderers and point them to our heading – Christ. No matter if we are maturing Christians, new Christians, or ones that have not yet found Christ, God has some growing to do in all of us.  He’ll begin to transform your struggling, gay-identified friend, but don’t miss out on the change He wants to do in your life too!

Place yourself in the shoes of a gay-identified, or homosexually struggling peer.  Imagine you grew up feeling different and alienated from your same-sex peers.  You’ve struggled with feelings and attractions towards the same-sex for as long as you can remember.  Out of shame or guilt, you’ve hidden it from your family, friends, church leaders, and the world around you.  The last thing you want is for anyone to know your “secret” as you pray night after night for God to free you of this struggle.  You wonder how this even happened and why, out of all the things you could struggle with, homosexuality has to be your struggle.  You didn’t choose to have these attractions; they just developed and you feel like there is no way to make it all go away.  These are the kinds of things that characterize a person’s life who is dealing with same sex feelings and attractions.  Once you can get an idea of what they are going through, hopefully you are able to view them in a different light.  They are no longer “sick” people who choose to have these feelings.  They are dealing with temptations and sin.  As Paul writes in Romans 7: 15, “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.”  We certainly can find commonality in that!

Homosexuality is no greater sin than any other sinful behaviors or “trivial” sins such as lying or gossiping.  As the old saying goes, the ground is level at the foot of the Cross.  Everyone is given the same opportunity at the foot of the Cross to receive forgiveness of our sinful behavior along with a new identity and strength to live a life free of the bondage of sin.  Knowing this can help Christians, who may not struggle in this particular area of temptation or sin, relate to those who do.

Relating…It Can Happen
I’ve often heard from gay-identified students that Christians have no understanding of what it’s like to have these attractions and feelings.   That certainly isn’t true!  While you may not be able to relate to their specific struggle or attraction, you can definitely relate to their struggle with humanity and sinful nature.  We can all relate to being tempted, falling short, and even giving up when the battle simply becomes too difficult.  A majority of Christians have found themselves in bondage to one sin or another at some point in their lives.  So relating to those with same-sex attractions isn’t impossible.

I remember joining a men’s sexual integrity group at my church a few years ago, thinking I wouldn’t find any help or healing through this group.  Only one other guy and I were dealing with homosexuality.  I thought “Surely, I couldn’t relate with the other guys in the group and they couldn’t relate to me.”  But the longer I stayed in the group, the more I realized that I had made a false assumption about these guys.  I never felt ostracized or judged when I talked about my struggle, because the other guys knew and understood that we were in this thing together.  No matter what the particular attraction was, we were all dealing with sexual brokenness – lust, temptation, and habitual sins.

I learned through that great group of men that it is possible to relate to someone dealing with homosexuality even if you have never had a homosexual thought in your life.  You see, those men realized we were dealing with the same struggles with temptation and sin, just in our own unique ways. Together we realized that this was merely Satan’s attempt at keeping us from experiencing true intimacy with Christ, embracing our true identity in Christ, and recognizing the righteous authority we’ve been give to live a life of freedom.   A lot of my personal healing took place in this group, because I was able to see that not only could they relate to me, but I could also relate to them.

In reaching out, don’t allow a wall of unfamiliarity to divide you from peers who either struggle with or embrace homosexuality.  You’re not that different!  It’s important to realize and share your own shortcomings and struggles.  This can help you meet them in and through your own brokenness.  Be vulnerable about your own struggles, about difficulties you face or have faced, and how we all need a Savior to forgive us and help us daily fight temptations that aim to keep us from experiencing God’s best for our lives.  Vulnerability breeds vulnerability and the more you open up and show authenticity, the more your gay-identified friend will open up.  This will allow you the opportunity to speak into his or her life, understand how to pray for them, and hopefully witness God’s transforming power at work in all of our lives.

Reach Truth is an online interactive program for men and women struggling with unwanted same-sex attractions.  This 20 week program includes personal mentoring, video teaching, thought provoking questions, and daily devotionals.

The cool thing about this program is that you can do it from anywhere in the world, and you can either request a mentor or “bring on with you.” In other words, if you have a parent, pastor, counselor, or friend of the family that you trust, you can ask them to be your ReachTruth mentor. They complete the program along with you, and it’s setup so they learn everything they need to know along the way. If you don’t have someone to take the journey with you, Reach Truth will provide a mentor for you.

To learn more, go to reachtruth.com and click on Travel Plan. Then to get started, click on Get Your Passport and fill out the form.

Do not practice homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman. It is a detestable sin. (Leviticus 18:22 NLT)

If a man practices homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman, both men have committed a detestable act. They must both be put to death, for they are guilty of a capital offense. (Leviticus 20:13 NLT)

Challenge: There are lots of commands in Leviticus that we don’t follow today, like the rule that you can’t eat shellfish, or combine two kinds of thread.

Answer: Not all Levitical law is the same. There were rules that were moral rules–such as prohibitions against things that were wrong and sinful–and then there were ritualistic commands that the people of Israel were meant to obey as a sign that they belonged to God.

The difference is clear when you study all of Leviticus closely, and you understand the context and the structure of the writing. For an example, in the same passage of Leviticus 18 we find commands against bestiality, incest and adultery. The passage also says: “Do not defile yourselves in any of these ways, because this is how the nations that I am going to drive out before you became defiled. Even the land was defiled; so I punished it for its sin, and the land vomited out its inhabitants.” (Lev. 18:24-25).

So these rules obviously didn’t only apply to Israel but to all people, and God was driving these other countries out because all these sexual sins were rampant within them

Lastly, it’s important to realize a few things in light of these harsh-sounding verses. Some people have assumed that, since homosexual acts are called a capital offense by Leviticus 20:13, it’s alright to bully and abuse (verbally or physically) those who are or are perceived to be gay. Nothing could be further from the truth!

Let’s never forget how Jesus responded to the woman caught in the act of adultery:

“Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?”…

They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!”

…Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”

“No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.” From John, Chapter 8 (emphasis added)

…God abandoned them to their shameful desires. Even the women turned against the natural way to have sex and instead indulged in sex with each other. And the men, instead of having normal sexual relations with women, burned with lust for each other. Men did shameful things with other men, and as a result of this sin, they suffered within themselves the penalty they deserved. (Romans 1:26-27)

This is part of a larger message Paul is giving in Romans 1 about the descent into sin and depravity that takes place when people don’t acknowledge and worship God (Romans 1:18-32). He’s actually setting up an argument that comes to bear in Chapter 2, that we would be hypocrites to judge others, because in our hearts we do the same things and it’s only through grace that our hearts are changed.

Challenge: Paul wasn’t saying that homosexuality was unnatural–he was saying it is a sin for people who aren’t naturally gay to do those things. But it’s still okay if you were born gay.

Answer: The Bible never talks about homosexuality coming naturally to some people and not to others. All that’s ever mentioned is homosexual behavior–motive and orientation are never addressed. This could only mean that it does not matter why one might engage in homosexuality–it is always wrong.

It also says that the men “burned with lust for each other.” Seems like they found it pretty natural.

Through this writing, Paul makes clear that homosexuality is one of many sinful indulgences that result from turning away from God. But the purpose of this passage isn’t to single out those who struggle with that particular sin–he is leading up to a truth that is greater than human sin (which is shared by us all).

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. (Romans 3:23-24)

For a great, in-depth study of Biblical arguments about homosexuality, check out The Gay Gospel by Joe Dallas.

The answer is, you can probably relate to those who struggle with SSA a lot more than you think!

If you look at homosexuality on a surface level–simply as sexual and/or romantic desires for the same sex–it’s probably not something you can relate to at all. It’s important to realize, though, that the attractions are not what this struggle is all about. In truth, the underlying issues that someone with SSA needs to deal with are a lot more universal than even they realize.

There are some great resources that thoroughly lay out what the homosexual struggle is all about, but let’s take a quick look at what we’re really trying to understand.

Say you’re a male youth leader who’s never had a same-sex attraction issue in his life. How on earth can you understand a young man who thinks he might be gay? Well, he’s not just dealing with SSA. For years he’s probably been wrestling with:

• a long unmet need for an older man to love, challenge and affirm him in the way dads should.
• a crippling fear that he doesn’t measure up to what a boy–and a man–is supposed to be.
• shame from moments in life when his perceived inadequacy seemed to show.
• negative ideas about women taken from unhealthy examples in family and/or society.
• negative ideas about the masculine role in family and other relationships.
• a need to be accepted as just one of the guys.

Isn’t that stuff you can relate to? The reality is that guys struggling with their sexual identity on a surface level are really dealing with these issues on a heart level. Most guys get lost to some degree on the journey into manhood, and the result is all kinds of sin and struggle. Guys with SSA are the same; they just hold many of those inadequacies a little more deeply in some ways.

Ladies, you may never have considered yourself lesbian or bisexual, but the root issues that sexually confused teen girls face might not be that unfamiliar to you.

• longing for a nurturing, affirming mother-figure
• desire to be beautiful, yet scared of unwanted or dangerous attention that may come as a result
• struggles with healthy boundaries in friendships
• negative feelings about what it means to be desired by a man
• negative feelings about a perceived “role” imposed by society, the Church, etc.

While or brokenness may bear different fruit, it often shares a common root. You may or may not be able to understand how a particular student came to struggle with SSA, but that isn’t what they need most from you anyway.

Exodus ministries, counselors and resources can help young people delve into the deeper issues underlying homosexuality in an effective way. They can also help you become more knowledgeable and comfortable in your role mentoring and teaching these students.

What’s most important, though, is not what you know about their struggle–it’s simply that you know, and that you love them and will walk with them through these first years of their journey, which isn’t even mostly about homosexuality, anyway.

When they need to talk about it, listen. And if they ask a question, “I don’t know” is often a perfectly fine answer. An even better one is, “I don’t know, but let’s ask God, and trust Him, together.”

Touch the Sexual Sinner
by Mike Ensley

Nobody needs to be told about the startling statistics regarding youth and sexuality. A rant about how the media and entertainment industry push the envelope would just be stating the obvious to anyone with ears to listen.

What gets me ranting is the Church’s response; all too often living in the definition of insanity in regards to responding to the crisis of our culture. Despite its monumental failure to accomplish anything in the way of personal transformation, too many Christians – worse, those in ministry – seem bent on responding with our most ineffective asset: religion.

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During a Fall Semester, the church I help pastor, New Life Campus Fellowship at Virginia Tech, decided it was time to get our opinion on the table. When I read about the woman caught in adultery, or how Jesus approached Zaccheaus, or even how he was seen as a friend of sinners, I wondered how he would have dealt with the issue. I neither wish to give up my personal pursuit of holiness and Christ-likeness as I understand the Holy Scriptures call me to; nor do I wish to give up my newfound mercy that I am still learning to wield.

We wrestle with the culture, feeling called to adapt to their message of “acceptance.” We are criticized that we have narrow understanding, and are limited by our own cultural bubble. It brings to the question, “Do our kingdom values not trump culture?” And, “Are we ready to face the mockery from many by exerting our boldness to represent what genuine godliness looks like?” These are very tough issues.

“Most of the time it is easy to determine where our culture departs from kingdom values…However, sometimes the hardest part is trying to determine what our kingdom values are.”

- William Webb, Slaves, Women and Homosexuals

Deciding on this issue seems to come down to either denying civil rights or condoning clear sin.

Our Approach and our Challenges

Ready to weigh in, our church mailed out powerful invitation mailers to all the apartments in town to come to our “Hate People” series. This would be a dialogue about the accusations against the Christian faith that many have held throughout history. Instead of being known by love, Christians have often been known best as being the hate people. We wanted to weigh in on our misquoted views about God hating people who follow other religions, homosexuals, the environment and women.

“Hate is something we notice. The pictures of it grab our eyes and the stories about it stick in our minds. We don’t like haters. Throughout history the church has been seen as a hateful place, sometimes fairly, sometimes not. Some might even call us “The Hate People.” Maybe we [the church] are just like you have always thought and maybe we are not.” – Premise for the Series

In our pursuit, it became clear that much of the evangelical community and the gay community are pretty distinct, rarely even communicating. We wanted to connect with leaders from the gay community in order to try to understand their perspective better. We learned quickly from meeting with a new friend of mine, Jason (name changed), that we can easily and unnecessarily step on toes.

A Kinder, Gentler Tone

Jason shared with me about the difficulty of being a gay teenager. He agreed with statistics I shared about the physical and verbal abuse they face, saying every one of his friends was abused.

He explained to me how the gay community feels misunderstood by the media, just as conservatives do. They feel that people unfairly limit them to their sexual identity. Jason asked me to consider what it might be like to try to go to a church to find out about God only to hear the pastor open up in a tirade about you and hear a whole chorus of “Amen”s from all over the room.

Now, clearly the gospel will smell like death to those that are perishing. It just made me wonder – Can our words be more gentle while not relinquishing our convictions?
The other side

I asked him to describe how he – and perhaps the gay community – views the Christian community. He admitted that they have their Christian jokes just like those in the Christian community have gay jokes. He would see us overall as uninformed, overly traditional, holding on to the irrelevant moral high ground for no reason other than we heard that is how we ought to believe. And maybe the hardest thing, we think we understand something that clearly we do not, and we don’t care to learn more. He said overall he found church to be irrelevant in his pursuit of God and seemed to care little about pursuing him.

Now some of his views were skewed and unfair. He made generalizations that could reflect his own misinterpretation of us. He understood little of us and had little desire to understand more. The idea that I could feel that his sexual orientation was wrong and yet not look down on him for it seemed almost foreign.

The reality is that this issue is not new. The Christian community is largely uncomfortable around the gay community and the gay community finds us largely irrelevant in their pursuit of God. Quite an accomplishment.

Is God pleased with what we have done?

Einstein is noted as saying, “Insanity is doing the same thing you have always done and expecting a different result.” So we set out to try a different approach. Our leadership spent time preparing and seeking God on this issue we felt led to discuss. We wrestled with some tough questions:

Can we show the complexity of this issue and how divisive it can be, point to areas of misunderstanding, while honoring the scriptures that we believe to say homosexuality is wrong? Can we disagree congenially? Is there any room at all for discussion, for connections to be made?

Our sense of God’s leading in this is that if we did things a bit differently, maybe it could work.

“Do you hate me?”

Leading up to the event, we found out that the gay community leadership from campus and the community were going to scout out what we would say in the morning gathering, and then show up en-masse in the evening. They would be wearing t-shirts saying, “Do you hate me?” It was the first time I have been really nervous in quite a while before speaking publicly. They came that evening and sat right in the front section. We started with a performance of a speech from the Larime Project, the play written about Matthew Shepard’s murder. It was a scene, where Fred Phelps, the highly publicized pastor was yelling about God hating homosexuals. We asked if this is how the gay community sees the church, to set up that the stereotypes run both ways.

“Do you hate me?”

I stood up and answered for the sins of the Christian community. How we often misunderstand them, can be afraid of them, and how we can make fun of them. Then, to the question posed by the shirts: “Do we hate you?” we answered, “Of course not.” But we were honest that as followers of Christ, and as a leadership team of [nlcf], we do feel that homosexuality is wrong based on the Scriptures. We ventured to talk about why it is so much more complicated.

Different Perspectives

During the time I spoke, I addressed the issue that people in the room would have different opinions. I wanted to point out that disagreement did not have to be harmful, but could be a place from which to strive to understand each other better.

For discussing the scriptures, I shared our church’s views, and used a format for discussion based on the Webb text I quoted earlier. While some may not agree with all the points made, Webb’s discussion of the gay issue and of the redemptive or progressive hermeneutic is excellent.

I shared that every believer should consider how God would have us reflect His nature in our response to homosexuality. His focus is very much on our hearts.

The Pledge

At the end we closed with a pledge proposal. We acknowledged that both sides have been unnecessarily cruel and ignorant of the other. I first addressed the Christian community, asking them to agree that for ten years they would not allow someone in their midst to make a gay joke, a demeaning generalization. That they might commit to showing Christ-like love to the gay community, protecting them and not allowing harassment; to stand up for the right to be treated with kindness even if we disagree with their views on the gay lifestyle.

I then asked the gay community to reciprocate. As a Christian, I have been made fun of, had my intelligence strongly questioned and have been unfairly categorized myself. This harassment happened because I have chosen to follow and be committed to Jesus Christ. So I asked if they would protect me. I asked if they would put a stop to the Christian jokes and characterizations.
Results

Afterwards, many of the members of the gay community hung around for quite a while and we interacted. The leader of the gay community said that she was shocked, having never experienced someone disagreeing with her and yet publicly stating they would defend her against unfair treatment. She told us that she would refer people exploring their spirituality to our church. I was invited to speak on a panel about morality and culture as a representative of the Christian faith.

Unfortunately, we have had a number of our members leave as a result of our approach. We learned to do even more discussion with our leaders to explain why this issue needs to be discussed and about our approach.

But most of our leaders and members have said they are so glad that [nlcf] deals with these issues. We found it galvanized the faith of many. Several members of the gay community began attending our church or others in the area. Many members of our church who were hiding their struggle with their sexuality have had the courage to declare that struggle and begin to allow God’s love and power and the church’s help to begin to walk through and away from it.

And now Jason comes to a bible study. He doesn’t agree with a lot of it. But it’s a start.

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Jim Pace has been a pastor of New Life Campus Fellowship since 2002. Jim is a gifted counselor, coach and strategist, pastoring along side of Chris Backert. Jim lives with his family in Blacksburg, VA, home of Virginia Tech’s campus.