This was not the first study of its kind, neither would it be the last. For years, scientists have been trying to discover the etiology (or cause) of same gender attractions.  Far from purely scientific the research has political consequences as well. Studies have shown that the public’s beliefs about the origins of sexual orientation are directly correlated to their attitude regarding homosexuality and serve to further political causes.  As such a lot of the science has fallen into the hands of political Ideologies. But apart from the politics of science,  what does the research actually say? Is homosexuality learned or innate? Furthermore, is change possible?

To begin, it’s important to clear up a common misunderstanding about the language used in research. Much of the research to date suggest that there may be a biological link to homosexuality. Many have mistakenly taken this to mean that people are born gay – but that is not necessarily what the research suggests. Many things have been found to have a biological link yet we consider within our control. In fact, Dr. Jeffrey Satinover in his book Homosexuality and the Politics of Truth makes the illustration that a person could be born with genes making him tall with great eye-hand coordination, but his genes alone did not make him a basketball player, in fact he had to train and be exposed to basketball before he could become a basketball player. The same kid could have easily devoted himself to academia and become a lawyer, his genes simply gave him the tools needed to become an accomplished basketball player… this is why many scientist are now choosing to say there might be a “pre-disposition”  to homosexuality. The same way we can be predisposed to heart disease, smoking or basketball.(94)

As for actual studies that have been published, three in particular are held up by some as pointing to a ”gay gene.” Simon LeVay’s Hypothalamus study, Bailey and Pillard’s Twin studies as well as Dean Hamer’s Chromosome study of 1993. The studies made  headlines when  first published years ago making the case for innate homosexuality, and in fact headlines such as the Wall Street Journals which claimed “Research Points Towards Gay Gene” may lead the casual reader to believe a gay gene was found, but what did these studies actually find?

First lets look at the Dean Hammer study mentioned at the beginning. Newspapers claimed the study found a Gay Gene, but is it true? In this study, Hammer and his colleagues noticed that some gay identified men typically had gay identified uncles as well, but only on the mothers side. concluding that since women have (XX) Chromosomes while men have (XY) Chromosomes, Hammer and colleagues hypothesized that if there was a gay gene, it would likely be in the “X” Chromosomes since mothers can only pass on an X chromosome. After studying a group of families who fit their model of gay men with gay uncles of maternal lineage, a deviation was found in a portion of the X chromosome labeled Xq28. The Report concluded that if homosexuality was genetic, the cause could probably be found in the Xq28 region of the X chromosome. Though the study does raise some interesting questions, the population studied was too small to be of any statistical significance and the results of the Hammer study have not been able to be replicated. In fact as of June 25th 1995, Science magazine confirmed that Hammer was under investigation by the Office of Research Integrity at the Department of Health and Human Services for selectively reporting his data. In other words he reported only the data that would suggest homosexuality was innate.

Another famous study is that of Simon LeVay. In 1991, Levay studied the brain structures of deceased men attempting to see if there was any difference in the structures of heterosexual and homosexual men’s brains. What he found was that on average, the INAH-3 section of the Hypothalamus (a part of the brain widely believed to be involved in sexuality,) was smaller in gay identified men than in heterosexual men. Again, criticism of the study includes that the sample was too small to be of any statistical significance. Furthermore, the report stated that “on average” gay men’s hypothalamus was smaller… but in fact some gay men had larger INAH-3 sectors. Therefore,  though “on average” these gay men had a smaller hypothalamus, it was not uniformally small and could not definatively be linked as the cause of homosexuality.

Furthermore, LeVay’s sample of heterosexual men was an assumed sample, in other words, he assumed the men in his heterosexual sample were indeed heterosexual though it could not be confirmed. What’s more, LeVay points out in his own book Queer Science: The Use and Abuse of Research into Homosexuality that “the observations were made on adults who had already been sexually active for a number of years. To make a really compelling case, one would have to show that these neuro-anatomical differences existed early in life – preferably at  birth. Without such data, there is always at least the theoretical possibility that the structural differences are actually the result of differences in sexual behavior.” And admits that “another limitation arises because most of the gay men whose brains I studied died of AIDS.”(143-144)

The media repeatedly touted the LeVay studies as proof of a biological basis to homosexuality, but LeVay himself dismissed these claims saying in a 1994 issue of Discover magazine that “It’s important to stress what I didn’t find. I did not prove that homosexuality is genetic, or find a genetic cause for being gay. I didn’t show that gay men are born that way, the most common mistake people make in interpreting my work. Nor did I locate a gay center in the brain.”

Lastly a major study cited is Bailey and Pillard’s “Twin Studies.” The study was based on a very simple premise: If homosexuality is genetically determined, then Identical twins (which share Identical DNA) should both be gay. In 1991, the researchers released their findings which stated that 52% of Identical twins were both gay. Some argue that this would prove homosexuality is genetic since the concordance rate of both twins being gay is higher than the prevelancy of homosexuality in the general population, but other scientists argue that the findings in fact make a strong case that environment is key in developing homosexuality. They argue that if homosexuality was genetically determined (as opposed to influenced) it must reach close to a 100% concordance rate, much like twins having the same colored eyes (a trait which is genetically determined). However the research seems to indicate that homosexuality may be genetically influenced much like weight in identical twins which can vary due to environmental factors such as diet and exercise. Criticism of the study includes that the sample was self selected, meaning people volunteered knowing the purpose of the study, as such it can be expected that homosexual twins would have overwhelmingly volunteered as opposed to twins in general.

An interesting interpretation concerning twin studies comes from lesbian author and researcher Lisa Diamond in her latest book titled Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire in which she chronicles the natural shift of sexual identity in women over a ten year period. Concerning twin studies she writes: “When considering these heritability estimates, it is useful to compare them to heritability estimates that have been calculated for other complex behavioral traits. For example, twin studies have found that the heritability of smoking (a behavior that most people consider to be under conscious control and yet situationally influenced) is also around 60 percent. Similar estimates have been found for the heritability of marijuana and alcohol use. Even job satisfaction shows significant heritability, most likely because it is strongly related to personality, which yields heritability estimates ranging from 45 to 60 percent. We tend to trumpet biological effects when it comes to homosexuality, but I have yet to see the cover of Time or Newsweek display a newborn baby with the headline ‘Born unsatisfied with his job?’”(31-32)

Some more recent studies that shed a new light on the issue of sexuality include the one mentioned above, Lisa Diamond’s own research documenting the sexual fluidity she discovered in women. She demonstrated that women can not only to go from heterosexual to homosexual but from homosexual to heterosexual as well. She states that “The most unexpected finding was that five women actually gave up their lesbian or bisexual identities, and an additional five women started calling themselves heterosexual!…The women who started calling themselves heterosexual typically reported that their same-sex attractions simply were not strong enough to justify identifying as lesbian or bisexual. They were generally more interested in men and expected to end up with men down the line.” (63)

Also, recently published was another longitudinal (meaning long-term) study of Ex-Gays by Dr. Stanton Jones and Dr. Mark Yarhouse. In their book Ex-Gays? A Longitudinal Study of Religiously Mediated Change in Sexual Orientation, Drs Jones and Yarhouse conclude after following former homosexuals involved in Exodus ministries that “We believe we have provided evidence that change of homosexual orientation may be possible through involvement in Exodus ministries. The change may take the form of a reduction in homosexual attraction and behavioral chastity; it may also take the form of a reduction in homosexual attraction and an increase in heterosexual attraction with what might be described as satisfactory heterosexual adjustment.” They add that they also found little evidence that trying to change ones sexual orientation would be harmful and in fact found that in some cases, it reduced anxiety and stress in some individuals. (387)

Perhaps the greatest shock to the mental health community came in 2001 when Dr. Robert Spitzer of Columbia University published his study on the efficacy of efforts to change one’s sexual orientation. The upset came in that Spitzer has long been known to be a friend of the gay community, and was instrumental in removing homosexuality from the list of mental disorders from the Diagnostics and Statistics Manual (DSM), the manual by which mental health professionals diagnose and treat mental illnesses. After extensive study, the skeptical Spitzer published his findings in the Archives of Sexual Behavior in 2001 concluding that sexual orientation can successfully be changed.

So are people born gay? Studies suggest that sexual orientation is an inter-play of both genetic and environmental factors. Genetics being able to predispose a person to homosexuality, but still relying on intricate environmental factors such as upbringing and social interaction to fully develop what some call the “homosexual potential.” Much like obesity has been discovered to have a genetic link, its understood that a person’s weight is ultimately dependent on environmental factors like diet and exercise.

Is change possible? Recent studies as well as first hand accounts confirm that sexuality is fluid and can indeed change whether through therapy or coincidentally over time. Researchers are careful not to claim that everyone can change their sexual orientation. Such absolute statements are as irresponsible as statements saying “people are born gay.” Researchers Yarhouse and Jones write that “some respondents experienced significant, meaningful change of sexual orientation in this sample, but we did not find that everyone (or anyone) can change. The fact that some human beings can break the four-minute mile barrier establishes that running a four-minute mile is not impossible, but that same fact does not establish that anyone (every human being) can break the four-minute mile barrier. So also our findings firmly refute any notion that change of sexual orientation is impossible.”(372)

In the end, I like the way psychologist John Money put it. He compared sexuality to the development of language. He argued that a person is not born speaking English. And nothing in their genetics made them learn English rather than Swahili. Rather, the fact that a person learned English depended on their native culture. It has been shown that brains are innately predisposed to assimilate a language, whatever language that may be. Once it is aquired, the language becomes so natural to us that it’s as if we were born with it. Yet no matter how natural our native tongue may be, we know we are not born speaking English. In like manner, no matter how natural our same gender attractions may seem, let us not confuse that to mean that we were born gay.

If you’ve decided to participate in the Day of Truth, you know the importance of addressing homosexuality.  What a great way to bring a biblical response to this controversial and potentially divisive topic. Participating in this event is simply a time of intentional action: bringing awareness and offering a different viewpoint from the Day of Silence.  However, we must remember that observing one day of intentionality isn’t going to bring all the gay-identified students to desire change.  This one-day event merely provides the groundwork and opens opportunities to share the life-changing power and love of Jesus Christ.

Building Bridges and Crossing Them
Participation in the Day of Truth (DoT) can be the open door to building relationships with those on the “other side” of this conversation.  As you talk to other students, DoT can be a gateway for connecting with gay-identified peers or those who are secretly struggling in your school.  As you begin “an honest discussion about homosexuality”, you are showing them that you care about them as individuals and their relationship with Christ.

As the Day of Truth comes and goes, what will you do to remain a positive and effective light in your school?  Now that bridges have been built, meet them where they are and not where you want them to be.  Your goal, or strategy, should not be to win an argument – people are involved.  Their emotions are involved and their souls are involved.  Don’t begin relationships and make the focus exclusively about homosexuality.

You can’t force people to change
If they don’t have a personal relationship with Christ, their identity, beliefs and values are found in their sexuality.  This is where your real challenge lies.  If their eyes haven’t been open to the truth, they will have little to no conviction about their behavior or sin.  That certainly was the case for me.  For a while, I was quite content in my identity as a homosexual and saw no need to change.  If someone made our friendship solely based on my same-sex attractions, I know I would have rejected them and anything they they might have tried to share with me.

Most gay-identified people are so wrapped up in their homosexual identity, that it’s important for you to not allow that to be the central focus of your conversation or relationship.  Let them know through your friendship that you see beyond their gay identity; just as there is more to you than your struggles, attractions, and feelings.  We’ll explore more about this in future articles.

Need Some Encouragement?
As the Day of Truth approaches, look at it as just the beginning.  Allow this day to be an open door into establishing and building relationships.   Don’t make this about one day of sharing biblical truth with other students, but about a long-term investment into the lives of other sons and daughters God loves very much.  This is only the beginning! If you dive in with faith,  trust and see what the Lord can do in and through you!

In the coming weeks, we will be providing some practical steps and insight on how to effectively reach your friends and peers with the truth and love of Christ.

The Day of Truth was established to counter the promotion of the homosexual agenda and express an opposing viewpoint from a Christian perspective. It is a day in which Christian youth can minister the truth to their peers in a gracious and compassionate way, building relationships and bridges between Christians and non-Christians.

•  Why is it important for me to be involved?

As Christians, it is our responsibility to share with the world, in love, the biblical understanding and truth about human sexuality.  Homosexual behavior is contrary to God’s purposes and will in creation.  It is not His best for human kind.  So, as His followers we must be compassionate and motivated to reach our peers with truth in a respectful and loving way.  It is also important to share the message that there is hope and an alternative to the dead-end “born gay” message.  The Day of Truth provides the door for relationship and healthy dialogue between peers.

In the past, students who have attempted to speak against the promotion of the homosexual agenda have been censored or, in some cases, punished for their beliefs. It is important that students stand up for their First Amendment right to hear and speak the Truth about human sexuality in order to protect that freedom for future generations. The Day of Truth provides an opportunity to speak the Truth in love and have an honest conversation about homosexuality and at the same time publicly exercise your constitutional right to free speech.

•  Who is ADF?

The Alliance Defense Fund is a legal alliance defending the right to hear and speak the Truth through strategy, training, funding, and litigation.

•  Who is Exodus International?

Exodus International is the leading international Christian ministry focused on homosexuality. For over thirty years, Exodus has provided care and support to individuals wishing to leave homosexuality, as well as families, friends and churches. With 230 member organizations, the Exodus network is mobilizing the body of Christ to minister grace and truth to a world impacted by homosexuality.

•  Do I need to have authorization from my principal to hold this event?

While you are not required to have prior authorization, we would advise that you inform school officials of your intention as a courtesy. Most importantly, always be respectful when dealing with those in authority. If a principal, teacher, or someone else in authority asks you to stop, graciously request that they check with a supervisor first. If they continue to insist that you stop, stop immediately. Please call 1-800-TELL-ADF so that we can help resolve the situation quickly.

•  How many people across the country are participating in this project?

Over the past 4 years, we have had over 13,000 participants in the Day of Truth. This year, even more students are expected to take part in the Day of Truth, as news of this vital project continues to spread across the country. ADF has more than 1,200 allied attorneys who are available to assist you if you run into complications with school officials or pro-homosexual advocacy groups on your campus.

•  I’m the only one at my school participating, and I’m nervous about standing by myself.

Your willingness to participate in the Day of Truth shows great courage. Your level of activity can vary with what you feel most comfortable with.

•  What is the Day of Silence?

The Day of Silence is a national program of the Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network (GLSEN), which asks students to remain silent for an entire day to express their support for the promotion of the homosexual agenda in the public schools. Unlike the Day of Silence, the Day of Truth does not encourage students to engage in activities that are likely to disrupt the school’s academic mission.

•  Who can I call if I have questions or need help?

You can call 1-800-TELL-ADF if you have questions, need help, or are facing difficulties from the school administration. You can also e-mail ADF at info@dayoftruth.org.  For any questions on reaching out to peers call Exodus International at 1-888-264-0877 or email dayoftruth@exodus.to.

•  May I alter the materials to add my own style?

No. The t-shirts and other materials were designed to communicate a simple and respectful message. It is very important that the materials not be altered in any way, shape, or form, except where you are specifically told to supply information, such as on the sample press release.

•  What do I do if someone tries to stop me?

If a principal, teacher or someone else in authority asks you to stop, ask them graciously to check with a supervisor first. If this does not resolve the issue or the school official persists in confronting you, stop immediately and call 1-800-TELL-ADF so that we can resolve the situation quickly.

•  How can I reach my gay peers effectively?

It’s important to look at your gay-identified peers as people and not just see them for their sexual identity.  Once we get passed the whole sexual identity thing, we begin to see that the wall between (Christian heterosexuals and homosexuals) isn’t so high.  Gay people aren’t aliens from another planet that speak a foreign language and have customs that are completely different from our own.  Now you may be walking into unfamiliar territory, and indeed this usually is the case, but Christ promises He will be with us wherever we go (Matt. 28:20b).

Building relationships with your peers is most essential in effectively reaching them for the gospel.  When they know that you care for them as a person and want the best for them, healthy dialogue can occur.  Showing genuine concern and compassion for the gay community and those who may be secretly struggling at your school will open opportunities to minister.  Sharing the message that there is an alternative to the born-gay rhetoric in a redemptive and hope-filled manner is also important in reaching gay-identified peers.  There may be some who have accepted their homosexuality simply because they have heard no alternative.  Your message of hope may have a significant impact on those individuals.  Being compassionate and concerned for the well-being of those dealing with homosexuality may even open the door for those who have never shared their struggle with anyone.

And most importantly, trust the Holy Spirit and follow His leading!  It is the greatest value when you allow God to work through you and your own insecurities when reaching gay-identified students.

•  Where can I find more resources on reaching the homosexual community at my school?

Exodus International has a comprehensive library of resources that are geared towards youth and outreach at schools.  Visit www.exodusbooks.org for more information.

•  What are the various ways I can participate in the Day of Truth?

It can be as simple as wearing a Day of Truth T-shirt and passing out cards. We really encourage you to reach out to your peers in dialogue and sharing the truth with them in love and compassion.  Perhaps go a step further and invite them to your youth group, church, or campus ministry.

But as we know, sexuality is complicated and trying to reduce it to a neat sound bite only leaves us with more questions than answers. In actuality, the truth lies more to the middle, which should come as no surprise. It’s true that homophobia is alive and well today; groups like the Westborough Baptist church aren’t making the load easier for anybody. I imagine that there are scores of men and women living scared and lonely lives for fear of being rejected by their friends and family. But the opposite is also true, there are scores of men and women who once accepted homosexuality and have since left that behind…for reasons having nothing to do with fear of rejection.

In fact quite the opposite. Many of the people I’ve met over the years used to be openly gay, some were gay activists, and others lived with their partners for years. If they were seeking acceptance surely becoming “ex-gay” (as some have labeled us) was not the way. Those of us who have walked out of homosexuality face a double rejection as many even in the church as well as in the secular and pro-gay world question the validity of our change. So why change?

For one, many find homosexuality incompatible with their faith. Most religious texts make clear that homosexuality is a sin. It is true that many who pursue change are primarily motivated by their faith wishing to bring their whole lives (finances, sexuality, and morality) in line with their faith. This is a perfectly valid reason to leave homosexuality. People’s faith is an integral part of their identity defining for some even what they eat (but no one criticizes the Jewish community for keeping kosher.)

For others, their feelings did not line up with what professionals in the mental health community call a self schema. Everyone has a self schema; it is an outlook through which we see ourselves and the world. It is closely tied to our self image and self esteem. I for one struggled very much as the world kept telling me that I was gay when all along I didn’t believe I was. This wasn’t denial, this was conflict. My sexuality did not match with who I believed I was as a person or who I wanted to be. Like a piece of the puzzle that did not fit, my sexuality did not fit into the view I had for my life. I had to make a decision.

Was I going to live according to my values and who I believed myself to be? Or was I going to live only according to certain sexual feelings?

I have met other still who embraced their homosexuality and lived within that identity for decades. Their stories differ on certain aspects, some had long term relationships, some were promiscuous and unsafe yet all found their lifestyle left them empty. They simply didn’t know they had a choice – but once they found out freedom was possible they took the way out.

You would be surprised however that there are others… some famous who leave homosexuality for no other reason than their tastes have changed. In America we are familiar with Anne Hesche who had a highly publicized affair with Ellen DeGeneres, yet now is exclusively heterosexual in relationships with only men. Yet there are others still who have changed that are lesser publicized. Stephen Daldry for example, who directed Billy Elliot and The Hours was long known to be a homosexual until he fell in love with a woman, married and settled down.

Jackie Clune as well, a comedienne of British fame lived as a lesbian for upwards of 12 years until she, herself changed too. Writing in the British newspaper The Guardian, Clune writes “…after a particularly painful and drawn-out break up, I decided that for me being a lesbian wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. My relationships had all taken the same pattern – idyllic start, passionate intensity, massive conflict, slow merging of identities, rebellion, more conflict, couple therapy…In many ways this is all standard-issue break up stuff, straight or gay; but I couldn’t help feeling my answer lay back on the other side. I longed for my own mind back…” (June 14th, 2003)

It’s sad but true that Homophobia makes life impossible for some gays. But when we choose to change, it’s not because of “internalized homophobia” as some have accused. We come from diverse paths and are all pursuing the best for our lives. Regardless of the reason, whether propelled by our faith or our belief that there could lie something beyond the gay identity… the fact still remains that the common uniting factor in our lives is that we all are trying to live our lives the best way we see fit.

If I had a dime for every time a young woman questions her sexuality, I could easily pay for my children’s future college tuition.  And that would be sending them to a private school, not a community college.  You may wonder what is causing this unhealthy trend among teens and young women.  When you live in a sex-saturated culture like we do, with sexual images inundating us on TV, in movies and magazines, it is no wonder that sex becomes a constant theme to analyze, ponder and generally obsess over.

The other day, while milling through the masses at the airport, I considered buying a magazine to read on the plane rather than the boring novel I had borrowed from the library.  Every magazine geared toward women was either filled with images of seductive, scantily-clad women or boasted articles describing sexual fantasies and avenues to sexual gratification.  The cheesy mystery on loan from the library suddenly seemed as deep and nuanced as a Jane Austen novel.

Unless you are willing to completely remove yourself from society and live in a remote Bornean jungle or a cultic commune, you need to learn how to handle the sexual images that bombard your life and to understand the origins of the thoughts and feelings you experience.  Defining your sexuality by the random thoughts, dreams and feelings you may have, that are fleeting if left alone, is always a mistake.

Many lesbian-identified women I know, and those who formerly identified as lesbian, experienced several years of same-sex attractions beginning around the ages of 10-12 before they experienced their first lesbian relationship.  The teen nowadays who wonders about her sexuality does not usually have a history of same-sex attractions.  She is simply the victim of a culture that sexualizes women from a very young age.  Just look at dolls like Bratz and Ty Girlz that are geared for elementary-school aged girls, yet the dolls are dressed in skimpy dance-club clothes and caked with make-up.  This early sexualization of girls is almost guaranteed to lead to sexual thoughts of various kinds.

Young girls are wondering if they are lesbians for no reason other than they find their pretty friends attractive.  One twenty-something newlywed asked me if I thought she was a lesbian because she found a reclining woman on a billboard attractive and couldn’t stop thinking about her.  Noticing someone’s physical attractiveness is not unusual and does not qualify you as a homosexual.  Several years ago on a Seinfeld episode, Elaine asked Jerry and George if they knew a fellow gym member who she described as handsome.  Obviously uncomfortable with the question, they averted their eyes while mumbling negative responses.  Elaine said, “Just admitting that a man is attractive does not make you a homosexual.”  George replied, “It doesn’t help.”

The fear that George expressed about possibly being a homosexual if he found another man attractive typifies what has occurred in our society over the past decade.  The mentality of fear or even of curiosity allows those meaningless, fleeting thoughts and feelings to grow and even fester.  Suddenly, something that was as innocuous as a gnat becomes as threatening as a virus-bearing mosquito.  The problem is that we perceive simple thoughts or dreams as defining our sexuality.  If you think about stealing a magazine at a convenience store, does that make you a thief or a kleptomaniac?  If you think about telling your mom you didn’t wash the dishes because you were studying when you were really texting your friend, does that make you a liar?

Thoughts are dangerous only when we dwell on them.  If we “take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ,” moving beyond the sexual thought and on to more constructive thoughts, the power of the sexual thought is annihilated.  Let us try an experiment.  If I say, “Whatever you do, do not think about the giant, pink elephant in the room,” what happens in your mind?  You start thinking about a giant, pink elephant, right?  You can’t help it; neither can I.  Telling anyone not to think about the pink elephant in the room will prompt them to think about nothing but the pink elephant.  The same thing is going to happen when you are assailed with sexual images and seductive influences.

I can’t say all, but many girls feel the need to question their sexuality in our modern-day culture.  It is just what society has taught us to do in an attempt to normalize behaviors like homosexuality.  Student groups aimed at promoting homosexuality among youth encourage “questioning” students to join their group and hear about the celebration of homosexuality.  Attending a group that pushes you to further question your sexuality will surely influence the way you choose to define your sexuality.

Way back in 1982, the movie Personal Best shook many of my friends who had never before in their lives thought about lesbianism.  A track star has a lesbian relationship with one of her chief competitors, while maintaining a relationship with her boyfriend.  Lesbian celebrity Chastity Bono sites Personal Best as a movie that allowed her to embrace her same-sex attractions.  It left many of my friends afraid of becoming lesbians if they had close girlfriends who were attractive.  Never underestimate the impact of cultural influences on our lives.

By the way, you aren’t thinking about the giant, pink elephant in the room anymore are you?  Your mind moved on to other things and you weren’t worried that your fleeting pink elephant thoughts would somehow define you.

Throughout our lives, we will have thoughts, dreams and feelings that disturb us.  The best course of action is follow the example the apostle Paul gave us in Philippians,  “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (4:8),  and let the unwelcome thoughts fade away.

Do not practice homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman. It is a detestable sin. (Leviticus 18:22 NLT)

If a man practices homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman, both men have committed a detestable act. They must both be put to death, for they are guilty of a capital offense. (Leviticus 20:13 NLT)

Challenge: There are lots of commands in Leviticus that we don’t follow today, like the rule that you can’t eat shellfish, or combine two kinds of thread.

Answer: Not all Levitical law is the same. There were rules that were moral rules–such as prohibitions against things that were wrong and sinful–and then there were ritualistic commands that the people of Israel were meant to obey as a sign that they belonged to God.

The difference is clear when you study all of Leviticus closely, and you understand the context and the structure of the writing. For an example, in the same passage of Leviticus 18 we find commands against bestiality, incest and adultery. The passage also says: “Do not defile yourselves in any of these ways, because this is how the nations that I am going to drive out before you became defiled. Even the land was defiled; so I punished it for its sin, and the land vomited out its inhabitants.” (Lev. 18:24-25).

So these rules obviously didn’t only apply to Israel but to all people, and God was driving these other countries out because all these sexual sins were rampant within them

Lastly, it’s important to realize a few things in light of these harsh-sounding verses. Some people have assumed that, since homosexual acts are called a capital offense by Leviticus 20:13, it’s alright to bully and abuse (verbally or physically) those who are or are perceived to be gay. Nothing could be further from the truth!

Let’s never forget how Jesus responded to the woman caught in the act of adultery:

“Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?”…

They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!”

…Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”

“No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.” From John, Chapter 8 (emphasis added)

…God abandoned them to their shameful desires. Even the women turned against the natural way to have sex and instead indulged in sex with each other. And the men, instead of having normal sexual relations with women, burned with lust for each other. Men did shameful things with other men, and as a result of this sin, they suffered within themselves the penalty they deserved. (Romans 1:26-27)

This is part of a larger message Paul is giving in Romans 1 about the descent into sin and depravity that takes place when people don’t acknowledge and worship God (Romans 1:18-32). He’s actually setting up an argument that comes to bear in Chapter 2, that we would be hypocrites to judge others, because in our hearts we do the same things and it’s only through grace that our hearts are changed.

Challenge: Paul wasn’t saying that homosexuality was unnatural–he was saying it is a sin for people who aren’t naturally gay to do those things. But it’s still okay if you were born gay.

Answer: The Bible never talks about homosexuality coming naturally to some people and not to others. All that’s ever mentioned is homosexual behavior–motive and orientation are never addressed. This could only mean that it does not matter why one might engage in homosexuality–it is always wrong.

It also says that the men “burned with lust for each other.” Seems like they found it pretty natural.

Through this writing, Paul makes clear that homosexuality is one of many sinful indulgences that result from turning away from God. But the purpose of this passage isn’t to single out those who struggle with that particular sin–he is leading up to a truth that is greater than human sin (which is shared by us all).

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. (Romans 3:23-24)

For a great, in-depth study of Biblical arguments about homosexuality, check out The Gay Gospel by Joe Dallas.

For those who are just starting to look at a journey out of homosexuality, we are often thinking in terms of attraction when we ask about change. Will we always feel our same-sex attractions (SSA) so strongly? Will we ever have opposite-sex attractions (OSA) to a satisfying degree?

These two questions have lots of smaller questions swimming around in them-and those are somewhat different from person to person. Here’s what I think we all, on some level, are afraid of-and how God has helped me through these fears.

Big Fear #1: My Same-Sex Attractions Will Never Go Away

SSA distresses us, and there is no small reason why. It gets in the way of the relationships we want to have-both the same and opposite sex. There also may be a degree of shame we seem to automatically feel about them, especially those of us who grew up in a church atmosphere. Most importantly, they pull us away from the life we believe God has called us to lead.

There are bigger issues at work

The first thing we need to realize about SSA is that it’s not just about attractions. There is so much more going on than just what “floats your boat.” Beyond the physical, powerful emotional needs and identity issues are at work. Even the American Psychological Association recognizes this:

“Most scientists today agree that sexual orientation is most likely the result of a complex interaction of environmental, cognitive and biological factors.”
- “Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality,” APA.org

You probably know that already; most likely, you were aware of the deep longing inside you way before you ever had your first same-sex attraction that was actually sexual or romantic.

Your SSA is just the tip of the iceberg-it’s the part that’s most visible to you. But what makes it such a big deal is all the underlying stuff that’s not so apparent. That’s what makes that chunk of ice so rock steady when we run into it.

The hard thing about that is that we might have to battle those stubborn attractions for some time. If we want to succeed, we have to reorder our priorities so they are more like God’s. We want our attractions to change-and quickly-so we can stop feeling this pain and experience what we think is a normal life. God, on the other hand, wants us to participate in a lifelong redeeming work that is not only for our healing (on so many more levels than sexuality), but is ultimately for bringing Him glory and for calling others into His Kingdom. That’s a tall order-a lot taller than the tip of your iceberg.

Change doesn’t have to be all or nothing

We’re not really afraid that SSA will never go away-we’re afraid that we’ll be forever tormented by this desire that we can’t seem to satisfy, and our relationships will suffer as a result. We’re afraid we’ll be doomed to feel ‘different’ for the rest of our lives.

The world has the wrong idea that if you want to think of yourself as ‘changed,’ you must experience 100% transformation of all attractions or nothing else. If you still experience any SSA, that means you are still gay-or at least bisexual-and you can only be happy by embracing that identity and all the behaviors and beliefs that go along with it. Does that sound like a right way of thinking to you?

Your struggle with SSA may not disappear entirely, but that doesn’t mean it will always stay the same. Neither do homosexual feelings have to totally vanish in order for us to experience a solid core identity in Christ, and even opposite-sex attractions and healthy relationships. All Christians who aspire to sexual purity and integrity still have the experience of being tempted by what the world has to offer instead.

So what if that white ice cap never completely goes away? As God goes beneath the waves and melts away the root issues, heals the hidden wounds and meets our deep inner needs in His way, the iceberg loses its strength. The tip may even melt down a little itself; though still visible, it will be much smaller. And if you happen to run into it, it doesn’t wreck you; it just bumps out of the way.

Big Fear #2: I’ll Never Have Feelings for the Opposite Sex

Not everyone who walks away from a gay identity ends up married and riding off into the sunset. So what does that mean? Are we who struggle with SSA more likely to end up alone, sad and hopeless?

Everyone’s struggle is different

We each wrestle with same-sex identity and attraction issues at different levels. The nature of what we’re really dealing with (the bottom of the iceberg) and our own experiences and choices can affect the intensity and the longevity of our struggle. We can certainly learn from others’ journeys, but make sure you’re looking at another person’s story accurately and not taking on things that don’t apply to you.

For instance, if you are a teen struggling with SSA it wouldn’t be truthful to compare yourself with a 50-year-old man who lived with a gay identity for twenty years before deciding to walk away from it. His struggle has the momentum of all the years he spent thinking, acting and relating to others out of his homosexual inclinations.

The temptations you face may be powerful and seem overwhelming at times, but you don’t have a lifetime of thought and behavioral patterns making it harder (so don’t start!).

Identity is Bigger than Feelings

Don’t define your identity-or progress-by your attractions. Again, attractions can begin to emerge even while you still struggle with SSA. The world would say, “Oh, well you’re bisexual then.” Part of our culture’s problem with these issues is that we let our feelings tell us who we are.

Don’t look at it that way anymore. Our attractions are real, yes, but like our other feelings they don’t necessarily tell us the truth all the time. Your attractions are an experience you have-they are not who and what you are.

“Most exciting” doesn’t mean most genuine

If you’re like me, you might find yourself wondering if sex with your spouse could ever be as exciting or alluring as homosexual temptations (and actions, if you’ve experienced that).

When wrestling with this idea myself, I had a conversation about it with Joe Dallas (author of Desires in Conflict). He let me in on something he’d learned from his many years of ministry to men who struggled with all kinds of sexual sin. Here’s what he said that I want to share with you:

“It’s often true that what arouses a person the most sexually may be (and often is) a behavior he or she has to forgo to satisfy their conscience and world view, making their legitimate sexual options perhaps less immediately gratifying, but, in the long run, more permanently satisfying.”

As you can tell, Joe is a pretty well-educated guy. He is saying that a lot of the time sexual sin can seem more gratifying to us than the sex God called us to have-in terms of temporary thrills, at least.

Why would that be? Sin is entirely self-focused. If you are looking at pornography or fantasizing–or really engaging in any kind of sexual sin–it’s all about you. Pleasing yourself is top priority, so naturally it’s going to feel really good (for the moment). In the end, though, it’s empty of the good things that we long for deep down.

God didn’t create sex just to give us a high. He created it as a way to make intimacy between a man and wife transcendent-that is, taking their spiritual and relational commitment and bringing it into the physical. That’s what the phrase “consummating the marriage” means.

The kind of intimacy we’re called to in marriage (and all relationships, really) can’t be self-focused. But each of us has a selfish nature which is going to resist that and be naturally inclined to temptations that please selfishness. We should not, however, mistake instant gratification for true satisfaction.

Know how your choices will affect your future

God designed us so that sex would be a powerful tool in building intimacy with our spouse. To be frank, when you experience orgasm your brain is literally stamped with whatever person, scenario or image that captured your attention during that experience-you’re literally programming yourself to associate that person (or thing) with sexual pleasure.

More from Joe Dallas:

“I’ve found that when men have an intense, ecstatic sexual experience, their brain records it for future reference. Then, in times of stress or discomfort, they’re reminded of the experience and may be strongly tempted to repeat it.”

This might be what Paul was getting at when he said to the Corinthian church:

Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. (1 Corinthians 6:18, NLT)

If we carried out God’s intent for our sexuality and reserved it for our spouse only, think how intimate this would help us become! But when we indulge in illegitimate forms of sexuality, our design works against us, and our desire for sin and false intimacy grows.

After enough misuse, your sexuality loses the power to build the kind of intimacy God created you for. Think about that the next time you are tempted.

Hope for the Road Ahead

So can you go from gay to straight? Hopefully you are beginning to realize that neither of these simple, stereotyped labels is adequate to define the mystery of who you are in your God-created gender and sexuality–and your identity as a whole.

Change may not be what we pictured at first or what that the world says it should be-it’s actually much more than that. If we were just talking about therapeutic techniques for altering sexual attraction, that might sound pretty disappointing. But we are talking about a very real God who is all about restoring every last bit of you, down to the core of who you are. He has so much more in store for you than this struggle.

It’s a difficult journey, but God has called us to something that’s far greater than we can imagine. That work will be reflected in the relationships you’ll have as God grows you up and teaches you what relationship is all about.

God is not taking intimacy away from you-He’s taking the counterfeit so you can experience the real thing. If you have a strong desire to get married and start a family, I wouldn’t worry about it. God brings everything about in His timing, and worry never helps the process (Luke 12:25-26). Marriage and family are wonderful things to hope for and look forward to, but let that rest on the back burner for now.

And if you aren’t sure you ever want to get married, don’t feel bad about that either. God’s desire is that you would experience contentment, and that your soul would thrive and bring glory to Him wherever you are in life, regardless of progress or position.

Your struggles don’t have to disappear for you to experience the life God has in store for you. If you commit yourself to follow Christ–whether in singleness or marriage–but are still tempted by the world around you, how would you be different from any other Christian man or woman?

I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.
(Philippians 3:12-13, The Message)

Let’s ask ourselves: does God think the way we do? Not quite (Isaiah 55:9). So I wonder if God would even think of people as “gay” or “straight” in the first place?

Like the verse linked to above says, God’s ways are much higher than ours. You know, the Bible really never classifies people as “gay” or “homosexual” (even though some translations make it seem that way). The Scriptures only ever talk about homosexuality being a kind of behavior–not a kind of person.

The gay identity is a relatively new concept in world history. Some people think that people in the past weren’t “enlightened” enough to understand it; others say that real gay people didn’t exist back in Bible times–that they have sort of evolved into what gay is today.

But we know that Gospel tells us that mankind is fallen. We all experience desires that pull us away from God’s will, especially in the area of sexuality! Homosexual attraction is just one of many of those desires. If you think about it, God must have expected that there would be people who would struggle with same-sex attraction–otherwise, why would He need to tell us not to engage in it?

So it’s more accurate to say that, rather than seeing people as “gay,” God just sees people–some of whom have same-sex attractions, and others who have different struggles. And He loves them all. The only question is whether we are willing to daily make an effort in faith to submit our ground-level ways to His heavenly ones .

But the existence of more important or urgent issues doesn’t make homosexuality a non-issue. The way we live out our gender and conduct ourselves sexually matters a whole lot to God. In the Bible, you’ll find strongly-worded writings not only about the negative consequences of deviating from God’s plan for sexuality, but more importantly, you’ll discover the beautiful creation He had in mind when He made man and woman for each other.
The fact that God made us male and female is a big deal. In fact, it’s the second thing the Bible says about humanity, right after the fact that we’re made in God’s image (Genesis 1:27).

Sex is also very important to God; it uniquely reflects God’s character and plan. He devoted a whole book of the Bible (the Song of Solomon) to the passion between a husband and his wife. Solomon lays bare the glory of sexuality, but does so in a very tender way that is never crass or degrading. The song reminds us again and again of the sanctity of sex and the importance of waiting: “Promise me, O women of Jerusalem… not to awaken love until the time is right.” (Solomon 2:7)

Our culture, though, has spent the last several decades tearing down the glory of sex, marriage and gender. Through every medium imaginable we are told in a thousand different ways that sex is nothing but a recreational activity, that people’s bodies are property to exploit.

In the process, many young people lose sight of the beautiful things God created them for, and are settling for something that’s so much less. Homosexuality isn’t the only way people sin sexually, but it is still one of many ways we fall short of God’s standard.

But if there really is Good News for those who struggle and fall in these areas, shouldn’t we be sharing it?

First, you can pray for an unsaved homosexual person and share the gospel with them. If you are relating with a Christian struggling with this issue, you can pray for them, too. Pray God will give them the courage and perseverance to achieve sexual abstinence. Sexual activity usually covers deep wounds. Once activity stops, the “pain-killer” of sex wears off and underlying emotional pain can surface. Be there to listen and support them in this process.

Pray God will help them see and find biblical resolution to underlying issues that led to a homosexual orientation. Learn what you can about these problems, and find someone with expertise that can counsel your friend. Pray the Lord will help them re-connect with His original design and purpose for them as a man or woman. If you are the same gender as your friend, you can play a tremendous part in his or her healing just by being a role-model of what a godly man or godly woman is like. That means being vulnerable about your weaknesses, aggressively pursuing personal maturity, and above all, seeking to grow in your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Don’t discount your ability to help someone leave homosexuality and into all that God plans for their lives. Be a friend: encourage, confront, listen, share. Go side-by-side with them through the challenging adventure ahead.