Comments on: “I don’t expect this to go away. I’m here for you to help me control it.”

By: Chris Stump

Chris Stump — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 14:11:08 +0000

Lobo123,

I know where you are. I have been there before. I always feared I wouldn’t be able to have a normal life or be able to find a woman to settle down with. I felt hopeless, tired, and ready to quit fighting. God is with you in your pain. He doesn’t condemn you. Don’t run away from Him. Go to Him with all your questions, fears, and doubts. The Bible doesn’t specifically address how to heal from homosexuality, but it does tell us what to do with our lives and all temptations regardless their manifestation. We are to die to ourselves everyday and follow Christ. If we keep our eyes on Christ, and not our sin, we will find freedom. Pursue holiness, pursue Christ with all your might and see what happens. Open yourself to the healing HE wants to do in your life. Our Executive VP recently wrote a blog post on the issue of being single. Check it out. It’s really great. Here it is: http://bit.ly/ajpdn9.

Dealing with homosexuality is not a simple thing. I’ve been on this journey for 7 years, and let me tell you, there’s nothing simple about dealing with ANY struggle we have. I went to counseling for a couple years to uncover my own woundedness, hurts, and brokenness. It was a process of healing and restoration before I was able to really experience tremendous freedom. I often parallel my journey to a mountain hike. The journey is arduous, sometimes tiring. But the beauty you see at the top is amazing. You can’t see or have the perspective at the bottom of your mountain that you can at the top. You may be at the bottom of your mountain, or somewhere along the “hike”. But don’t lose faith or hope. There is beauty insight, one in which you never could have guessed was there. I’m nowhere near my mountain top, but along the way I have seen so many beautiful “vistas”. The beauty I’ve experienced thus far is pushing me onwards in anticipation of the final glory God will reveal.

God walks beside you, behind you, and in front of you. He is with you where you are right now. I would encourage you to keep going up your mountain. Beautiful vistas, and tremendous freedom await. I hope this is helpful and encouraging. You are not alone. Blessings brother on this journey!

By: lobo123

lobo123 — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 17:45:57 +0000

I don’t know who to turn to. It seems easier just to let everything
go and just accept it. But then at the same time i don’t want to
because i want to be with god. I cant help thinking, what if i die
today, will i have the same chance as anyone else to go to heaven?
Or am i condemned for the rest of my life. Last night i had this
dream where i was in the middle of exchanging vows at my wedding.
When it was my turn to say the big ”i do”, i froze. I no longer
wanted to get married because i felt that i could never love her,
nor any girl. My biggest fear is growing up with these (SSA), and
because of them never have a normal life. When i was 13 i looked up
gay porn for the first time. The images are still stuck in my head
and they’ll probably never go away. I was just curious, i mean i
didn’t really think i would eventually learn to like it. I don’t
think i was born gay, i liked girls since i was in first grade. But
now since the porn, i don’t like them sexually. Its like I switched
the two in my head. I want to fall in love with a girl, but i don’t
want to have sex with her. I think about having sex with a guy but
i don’t want to have a relationship with them. The worst part about
that is, some of those guys are my friends. I have all the signs of
being gay. I hang out with mostly girls because i feel more
comfortable around them, more “normal”. The Other sign is that i
have (SSA) My first excuse for looking up porn was because i was
insecure and i wanted to compare my self with other guys. Then
after getting addicted to it, it seemed like one more time didn’t
matter, that I was stuck like this anyway. My excuse not to look it
up now, is because ill just end up feeling empty. I don’t know if
I’m really classified as gay or not, so i don’t know where to look
for answers. All the ones Ive gotten say that ill be stuck like
this for the rest of my life. Even my friends notice im depressed
most of the time and some of them actually ask me if im gay or not.
I hate this! I hate when they ask me that, they don’t know what I’m
going through. They think that being gay is so simple. That if you
are, to just come out and admit it. Then what happens after you do,
nothing changes. All the scriptures about homosexuality in the
bible, just tell you not to do it. God doesn’t tell you how to deal
with it. If it were so simple as the bible puts it, why am i
writing this? I get so mad at god, that i don’t who else to turn
to. It God wont provide a way out, whats the point in trying? I get
so angry with the way the church sees homosexuals. My church thinks
its so simple that they don’t even bring it up. If they do, all
they say is that its wrong. Ive only told two people about this
problem. It helped a lot knowing that i had a friend that i could
trust and wouldn’t judge me. Its not “okay to be gay”, that’s not
what i want to hear from people. I never wanted to be this way, but
i don’t have a choice anymore. I find that i have a better chance
of going to heaven living with this problem, then ending my life.
Ive thought about suicide, but the truth is i fear God. If anyone
has a similar situation please write back, i can help but feel
alone.

By: chrisagg

chrisagg — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 05:09:04 +0000

After struggling with this for several years, it’s very difficult
for me to genuinely believe it will completely go away. However,
then again its only been a few months since I’ve realized the
sinfulness of homosexuality, and had a sincere desire to actually
change. I know that it is difficult to believe in change, but
that’s why we must never lose faith. In fact, I believe I have a
lot of growing in my faith to go, before God can actually respond
with any type of change. “Without faith it is impossible to please
God” and this is why we are even saved by “faith” in Jesus.
Therefore, we should never doubt in the power of God, but instead
maintaing and grow in faith to see what God wants us to see, and
become who He wants us to become. We shouldn’t base anything on our
feelings since as humans, we are all sinful. Not only do I desire
to believe complete change is possible, but it is in fact what we
should all believe according to scripture since “what is impossible
for man, is possible with God.” This means we should leave no room
for doubt in God’s power, even though God’s timing can be very
different from our desired timing. In spite of this, His timing is
perfect; and fortunately out of His love, it is in our best
interest even when we don’t see it. So we should never stop
trusting because of God’s speed in His response. On the other hand,
I will be the first to say that it’s not easy one bit. I really try
to hold on to God’s word, but there are times I just feel defeated.
The worst part for me is that the devil can sometimes even twist
brotherly love with close friends, and turn it into something that
seems like romantic love…This is a very serious issue for me,
since it seems like an even greater sin. Dealing with physical
attraction is already bad enough, how can I avoid feeling other
feelings towards my own brothers in Christ? I really think that
having SSA is for a greater purpose for the redemption of the lost
who have this same issue, but I am tormented when it interferes
with my fellowship, or even trying to minister to others.

By: arielmiko2

arielmiko2 — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 20:51:57 +0000

Young people. All of us believers will struggle. The only way to
get through is to hang on to Jesus Christ, who is our Lord and
Savior. Daily, repent and ask the Lord to give you today his
portion. To meet you right where you are at – no matter the
struggle, the temptation or the issue in your life. No matter if we
have same sex attraction, issues with porn, sexual addiction, lust
…these are all tactics of the enemy who comes to steal, kill and
destroy. Ask the Lord for his grace daily, put your flesh on the
cross (crucify it!) by fasting and praying about what you want the
Lord to help you with. You will see the difference in your life.
God can change murders, drug dealers and addicts – why do you think
he cannot change you for having SSA? Don’t be conformed to the
things of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your
mind. This means don’t follow society’s label of your attraction
and pressured to be “gay” but recognize that the Lord made you in
his image, however, the enemy “twists” or “perverts what God makes.
Don’t fall into the LIE, remember that you may have been molested
or perhaps fell into a psychological trap or open door of some type
(read Franks testimony). Renew your mind by reading the word of God
which will be your sword to fight against the enemy. Learn
scripture to help you fight these temptations like any one else
struggling. Remember “greater is He (who is Jesus Christ) than he
who is in the world (satan)”, also, “you (I) have the mind of
Christ” , and “you (I) can do All things through Christ who
strengthens me (us)”. “All things are possible through Christ!”
Give your entire LIFE (mind, body and soul) to the Lord. Fight the
good fight of Faith.

By: eac12890

eac12890 — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 07:39:19 +0000

The only thing I can add regarding expectations for healing is just
to ask God why you have the temptations you do. Ask him WHY you are
still struggling. Don’t expect an easy answer. Be willing to delve
into old emotional wounds and deny the lies that you have been
believing about yourself for such a long time that they have become
tapes playing in your head. I believe God has the power to cause a
shift in orientation because His word can revolutionize anyone’s
idea of gender roles. It’s not about conforming to the world’s
ideas of male and female and right and wrong but relying on God’s
truth for every area of your life. I think the bit about surrender
is basically saying you have to give your whole life to God,
not just the part you want him to change. There is no easy formula
to a transformed life. Jesus came to fill needs, and to show us the
truth about ourselves. Don’t think of yourself as a patient with
SSA as your disease. Think of yourself as a person and SSA is just
a symptom of the “disease” we all have. The disease is sin…we are
all born into it. But as we are transformed into the likeness of
Christ our sin has less and less of a hold on us, because we are
affirming our identity in Christ. One of the first things I did in
my healing process was I literally made 2 lists. One was “why I
feel attracted to females” and the other was “why I don’t feel
attracted to males”. I know most of us probably cannot pinpoint the
“reasons” or put them into words, but as I began to pray and ask
for God to show me what has led me to this point, I found both
lists filling up. Don’t be afraid to be completely honest with
yourself first. Write it all out, talk to God. Tell him all the
physical urges you have and continue to ask Him to lead you to
freedom.

By: slipupfalldown

slipupfalldown — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 17:57:09 +0000

Just to add my thoughts to this. I’ve been on the journey for about
4/5 months now and its still really difficult. I’m not getting a
lot of support from my chruch, or family for that matter, and that
only compounds the problem. Still, God has been showing me some
things that i think might help some people here, especially
Chrisgray. Chrisgray, NEVER consider your SSA as a curse or
punishment for your parents divorce. God strictly forbid the Hebrew
children from punishing the children for the parents sin. I don’t
think hes going to be that unfair. It’s sure not beneficial either.
SSA is not something God gave you. This is the way i think of it. I was born into a broken
family. My parents weren’t married and they split up not long after
i was born. I lived with my immoral father for 6 years and then
went to live with my mum and her husband. My step-father was real
nice right up until after the adoption process was finished (he
adopted me and my 2 sisters), then things changed. At about the age
of 9 i was left with no positive male influences in my life. I was
never allowed to play with other guys, and so constanly playing
with my two sisters allowed me to develop female characteristics.
In school i got picked on, because i was never allowed to do
sporting activities. In church, everything was ultra-strict, and i
never developed any relationship with any of the other members. We
left when i was 11 and joined a strict ’sect’. I’m in college right
now so i need to finish this quick. Basically, certain aspects of
my upbringing left a gap in my heart. It read ‘male affirmation’.
Because it wasn’t filled, i sub-consciously wanted to fill it. With
the onset of puberty, i began to mix-up my need for same sex
contact with sexual desires. This allowed me to think that i was
gay. And for a long time i actively pursued things like gay
pornography etc. So basically the door to homosexuality was left
open. Satan’s been around for a long time mate and he knows every
trick in the book to make you walk through that door. Does knowing
this make the struggle any easier. Maybe not, but at least it give
me a base reference point. It’s important for you to recognize
this. I really got to shoot, classes start in 5 mins. Hopefully
this quick word will help somebody. You’re right about dealing with
homosexuality in stages. Stage number 1 has got to be recognizing
that God did not create you this way, and even though you struggle
with it, he still loves you enough to die. Keep holding on bro, God
didn’t say it would be easy, just that it would be worth it!!

By: Chris Stump

Chris Stump — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 21:07:21 +0000

Warren, we will have to respectfully disagree. Although I must point out that I believe if someone relinquishes their life to the Holy Spirit they do experience change. God is a transforming God and doesn’t leave anyone where they are, but pushes them forward and reshapes them into His likeness through the workings of the Holy Spirit. The attraction may continue to remain strong, but that doesn’t mean someone hasn’t changed. The presence or non-presence of same-sex attraction does not define change in a person.

By: chrisgray

chrisgray — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 03:15:42 +0000

I do not know much about Exodus and am new to this online world for
SSA. But all of this dialog has really confused me now and I want
to get a few things straight: I do believe my SSA will never go
away. Acceptance (1) has to be some type of step?
Next, why God has given me this SSA. What was the cause
(2)? I like what eac12890 said with this.
Ask God and He will reveal it to you. I think my parents divorce
before I was a year old and me living with my mother most of time,
seeing her date other men growing up might be the cause of it. But
I’m thinking everyone’s different and the causes for SSA are unique
to the individual (College Jay’s case for example). Next, how to
deal with SSA (3)? I’m completely drawing a blank
here. I’m reading ‘treat it like any other temptation,’ ‘eventually
it will start to fade away’ (not at the age of 20, that’s for
sure). Lastly and most important, what is God
trying to show me through this lifelong struggle
(4)? I’m coming up with: complete and utter
dependence on Him so far. Anyone else have ideas in their
experience? I have looked at my SSA as a curse or punishment for my
parents’ divorce. It’s really difficult to view it as something
beneficial.. But God never makes a mistake, so it has to be for
some purpose that has not yet been revealed to me. —
Nevertheless, I believe these are the stages someone goes through
in dealing with homosexuality.

By: Craig

Craig — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 22:18:06 +0000

Dr. Throckmorton has an interesting view, that empiricism has the
means to trump the promise and work of the Holy Spirit. If one has
never found wrong desires crucified in Christ by God’s Spirit then
I would urge one to spend time before the face of God and seek it.
He has either made the way for us to know life and reject death,
and I know these desires are death, or this whole Christian
endeavor is a great hoax. I don’t mean to be brash but the Promise
and the Call and the empowerment of the Spirit is clear. Faith,
hope and love for God are what we live by, not any settled studies
of SSA’d participants. If the hope one holds for release from these
things must be qualified and lessened by the experience of others,
no matter how”objectively” studied or one’s own experience then God
help us. And yet He has and will. Brother,and I speak to Dr.
Throckmortion, as a scientist what level and multiplicity of
studies do you hold to that would prove God wrong. I think a good
long read in the book of Job and topped off with Matthew 19:26 may
be a corrective to giving up.

By: Warren Throckmorton

Warren Throckmorton — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 16:12:32 +0000

Chris: We will have to agree to disagree about the meaning of this:

In my experience, the ones I have known who have successfully
left homosexuality are those who have relinquished control of
their lives to the Holy Spirit. Clearly, there is a level of
surrender required to resolve any form of sexual and relational
brokenness, including homosexuality that many are unwilling to
offer.

What about those who have relinquished control of
their lives to the Holy Spirit and have not changed? Inasmuch as
any of us are able to do that, the next sentence sounds like there
is a holiness – change link. A level of surrender that many are
unwilling to offer implies that being willing to offer that level
of surrender (whatever it is) will “resolve” homosexuality. To be
fair the resolution or leaving of homosexuality may mean behavioral
suppression but this is not clear to me from the article. And the
reason I doubt it is what Phillip means is because the article
argues against the sentiment expressed by the title of the article
(I don’t expect this to go away, help me control it).