Middle School Youth More Open to Coming Out Sooner, Article Reports
Written by: Chris Stump | September 29th, 2009
An article was recently published in The New York Times reporting that middle school youth are more open to coming out earlier. It’s a rather lengthy article focusing on several middle school teens who have come out in their schools and to their families. It’s interesting to see how the climate has changed in middle schools even since I was there a little over ten years ago. Being gay was still somewhat taboo. It was only used as a humiliating term. You were labeled, but never did you claim that identity. I remember middle school being a very confusing time period for me and everyone else. In my day (which wasn’t too long ago), little identity clusters started to form in middle school. You had the “cool” kids, you had the “preppy” kids, and there were the nerds, and the unpopulars. Everyone was looking for an identity – wanting to fit in…somewhere.
Something that concerns me about what this article reports is all the kids who come out at twelve and thirteen years of age are embracing an identity based on their feelings. I don’t know about you, but I know when I was a middle schooler, my feelings were all over the place. They weren’t a trusted source for my identity. But that is what these youth are going by – how they feel towards others of the same-sex. They label and trap themselves in a sexual identity. Being gay becomes who they are entirely.
The article discusses how the climate has changed over the years, making it “easier” for middle school youth to come out. Popular culture has most certainly paved the way towards affirmation and acceptance with positive portrayals of gays and lesbians. But does that make it ok? I believe it pushes youth to an even greater identity crisis, urging them to accept an identity they may not even fully understand at the age of 11 or 12. With the glamorizing of bisexuality in the media with pop songs such as Katy Perry’s infamous “I Kissed a Girl”, it has become trendy and even posh for girls to be bisexual. Many of the students in the article mention a larger population of bisexual girls who seem to become more popular after they’ve divulged their sexual preference.
When there is positive reinforcement by peers, it’s hard not to embrace a label. Instead of encouraging the expression of their sexuality, we need to be concerned with the motivation of girls who claim to be bisexual. The media is saying it’s cool and hot. But it really only musters up more gender confusion.
Another thing that stuck out to me was when the author mentioned fluidity in sexuality. So many in the secular world agree with the idea that sexuality is a fluid thing. But how is it so hard to embrace the idea of people moving from a homosexual identity to a post-homosexual identity? That’s just another “expression” of sexuality being fluid. But, yet, it is scorned and ridiculed for being absurd.
Why is popular culture the most influential medium on youth today? It certainly does not have any moral compass. The message of pop culture is “be who you want to be/you are how you feel/do what you want”. Where it seems from this article that these middle school youth have found clarity in who they are, I believe it has only brought more confusion. Middle School could be described in my life by this one word: chaos. Feelings are swirling around, hormones are going haywire, and we’re desperately looking for an identity. This is the time in a young person’s life to not jump to any conclusions, and embrace an identity they don’t even quite understand. We are more than just our feelings. We are more than just who we are attracted to.
Instead of celebrating the earlier embrace of a gay identity, we need to be cautious and concerned. Embracing an identity based on feelings as an 11-13 year old child, whose brain is still developing and hormones are raging, is jumping the gun. Pop culture is steering the trends in our youth today, without a moral compass. Are we going to allow pop culture to be the only wisdom our youth hear?
7 Responses to “Middle School Youth More Open to Coming Out Sooner, Article Reports”
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January 25th, 2010 at 9:57 pm
I read this article with concern, too. Many kids have same-sex
attractions and those attractions often change as they grow up. It
disturbed me greatly that parents felt the need to bring their 12
year old sons to dances for gay teens. What was positive, was that
the parents were compassionate about their kids’ feelings. What was
not, was not realizing that kids don’t need to take on the label of
“gay” when they are just getting to know who they are in the world.
The viewpoint of the author (who is a politically active gay man)
was that people are born gay and that is that, a viewpoint that
isn’t supported by scientific research or by the personal
experiences of so many people on a post-gay journey.
January 26th, 2010 at 3:49 pm
I definitely agree. Labels certainly limit someone and fence them in to an identity that they were never meant to put on.
March 25th, 2010 at 12:13 am
I actually have a question and i need some advice. My boyfriend recently told me hes thinking that hes bi. We’re pretty serious and i love him. But i feel like im not good enough. Im not really sure how to deal with it or what to do. HELP PLEASE!
March 25th, 2010 at 11:14 am
Hi Malibu, does your boyfriend want to pursue bisexuality, or was he just addressing that he struggles with SSA? If he is unrepentant and wants to be able to pursue a bisexual lifestyle, then this relationship is definitely an unhealthy atmosphere for you to be in. I know it’s hard to not take it personally, but his bisexuality has nothing to do with you being good enough or not. So don’t allow this to determine your value or worth. I would pray about it and seek godly counsel from someone. But if he wants to pursue bisexuality, then the relationship is no longer good, healthy, and safe for you.
May 14th, 2010 at 1:36 am
I have a question also. I am 13 and I hvae thought about women
since I was about 10. I want to be straight but I am very attracted
to women. What do I do?
August 5th, 2010 at 1:05 pm
I have been thinking about this article for a while and your
comments bring up some important questions for me. You say that it
is dangerous for an 11, 12, 13 year old to embrace their same-sex
attractions. However, millions of pre-teens embrace their
heterosexual attractions every year. Are they also jumping the gun?
Could they just be confused by their chaotic rollercoaster of
emotions? Should all teens put off identifying with any sexual
identity (whether it be straigh, bi, or gay) until they are older?
I am not attacking. Just some questions that have come up for me.
August 6th, 2010 at 10:11 am
JB3757, thanks for the questions. I never said that it is dangerous for a young teen to embrace their same-sex attractions. I said it is something to be concerned about. No 11 or 12 year old understands completely their feelings. In many cases there is a roller coaster of hormonal and sexual confusion in these young people. To label themselves as gay, they are not only acknowledging their identity, but also embracing an identity that reaches beyond attraction. I know for me, when I was 11 years old and battling with homosexual attractions, I was no where near ready to embrace a gay identity. I didn’t even know what that meant fully. My concern is a young teen embracing an identity at a time when they are changing physically, emotionally, and hormonally, and dealing with so much confusion in feelings, should they really allow their feelings to define them? I believe it’s more of a cultural influence on young teens that is facilitating younger people embracing a homosexual identity than solidity in a person’s understanding of their own sexuality at 11 years old.