what you can do is tell an accountability partner or a counselor. this way, you can walk through the attraction and understand perhaps why you feel it in the first place. For me, typically its based out of lack of connection or a longing to aquire some trait that I feel they posses but I lack. If I can confess my attractions to a safe third party they can help me process the attraction and overcome it. but the person you’re attracted to can’t offer that to you.

But I did want to reply to a point you made. You ask: If God hates homosexuality, why would He make you that way? the truth is, no research out there proves that homosexuality is inborn. It can merely suggest it, and usually its politically motivated. If you actually read the research you find that it doesnt claim homosexuality is innate at all. some of the researchers themselves have come against this claim. In fact, I’m currently reading some research published by a lesbian psychologist that chronicles the sexual fluidity of 100 women over a ten year span of time. (can we all remember Anne Heche?)

But again to God, He gives us free will. and the bible never claimed sin was going to feel bad, in fact if it did feel bad, it would not be tempting. One verse that struck me when I was involved in a fling was proverbs 27:7 “To the man who is hungry, what is bitter tastes sweet. But the man who is full loaths even honey!” in other words, bad love is better than no love. I wasnt happy in my relationship, but its all I knew and its what I had settled for.

just because if feels good does not necessarily mean its good for you. let me ask this: If God hates adultery why do heterosexual men lust after women other than their wives? see? If we are christians, we must all strive to bring our sexuality under Gods authority. It is no different for people struggling with homosexuality or heterosexuality. There are not two set of rules, but one.

much love,
Frank

To cut a long story short we ended up falling out and we havent spoke since.

Fait plays a tricky game and for thos of you who believe in god will realise that if he hated homosexuality so much then why would he make you this way!?

I have a girlfriend now and i have been with her for naily 9 months and its been amazing.

I suggested that it’s not always helpful to tell your friend you’re attracted to them, mainly because that will usually add a lot of awkwardness from him into the friendship. There are probably circumstances where it would be good to talk about it, but I would be slow to do so and seek insight from people who know both of us. Your situation may be one of them. But I would still couch the conversation less in terms of attraction and more in terms of what was going on in your heart.

Either way, you want want to address your sin and the awkwardness in the relationship, which is a good idea. Here’s how I’d approach it — first take all the labels off it (homosexual attraction, whatever), and then try to get a sense of what’s really going on. (Might help to read this first: http://exodusyouth.net/2008/11/03/i-love-my-friend/).

What’s on the surface of your heart tends to be things like romantic attractions, or jealousy. But that comes from things rooted deeper down in your heart, like loneliness, disappointment with relationships, rejection, sadness. (This may be the reverse of the way you’re used to thinking of things, but it’s usually the case). Rather than sharing the surface things, share the deeper things.

Share how you don’t have very many guy friends, and so tend to put too much expectation on one person to meet all your needs. Or how you feel upset when he hangs out with other people because you’re afraid that means he doesn’t like as much as you had hoped. Stuff like that.

What I’m describing is Emotional Dependency (read about it here: http://exodusyouth.net/2007/11/15/emotional-dependency/)

Much more comfortable to explain to a friend how you’ve become E.D. on them, and it’s closer to the real heart of things anyway. The attraction usually stems out of the E.D. I doubt that the attraction itself caused the damage to your friendship. It was the E.D. that caused you to treat him so poorly.

And the really cool thing is that if the real problem is E.D., instead of attractions, it’s something that both of you can work on. You can learn to create a network of friends instead of putting all your energy into one, and you can learn to give all of your heart to God instead of people. And your friend can learn to understand your emotional struggle, to set good boundaries in the relationship, etc.

The Emotional Dependency for Guys booklet is mentioned in that article, and it has lots of good tips.

Does this make sense? I’m not suggesting that you lie, or that you not tell him about how your SSA affected your friendship. What I’m saying is that you help him understand it at a deeper level. The bottom line is that you have brokenness in your life, that has caused you to have SSA, and that has affected how you relate to guys. It messed up your friendship with him, unfortunately, and for that you’re seeking forgiveness. But regardless you’re going to seek God’s healing, and work hard to become a relationally healthy person.